lol

 

I think it's because a lot of males feel that their looks (or lack of good looks) have contributed significantly to their SA. They see an unbelievably beautiful female on SAS and they just wonder how that happened.

But of course not everyone is the same and some people are just born this way. Being attractive won't fix that.

 

Yeah I totally agree with this. I think it's really presumptuous and prejudiced to decide whether someone can or cannot have SAD based on their appearance.

Or whether or not they have a girlfriend/boyfriend, for that matter. I've seen tons, and tons of judgments like these made on this forum. Some very, very recently. Some directed at myself, just because I happen to have a girlfriend, and have (God forbid, wait for it, wait for it....) referred to her as "beautiful". Oh the injustice. The horror. What was I thinking? Is the assumption there that because I have a beautiful girlfriend (and yes, she does turn heads) that I can't possibly have SAD? Or is there just resentment there? How dare I. Lol. I'm just not sure what the train of thought there is. But there has def been some hate directed at me for that.

I am I believe very "average" looking. The only person on this site that I've ever sent a pic to told me "yeah, you're good looking, you're OK". Her exact words. The "you're OK" part is what she really meant lol. So, I don't feel like my looks weighed in much wrt my anxiety. I had a beautiful gf when I was twelve years old. I'm very average looking, but issues with my looks didn't play a part in my SA.

A lot of mine stems from my childhood. Nobody had a perfect childhood, I understand that, but I was abused pretty badly, emotionally, and physically. It taught me from a very, very young age not to trust anyone. A few things since then have just reinforced all that. I'm 45 years old and still have issues with anxiety (and half a dozen other disorders) and I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to really get well.

I wonder how some of the people that have responded to me with comments about my gf (both in PMs and in threads) would feel if I responded to them about their lack of a gf or bf? (for example, that being the case because of lack of effort on their part). I think it's a fair question. I've never done that, and I never would. Because I understand that would be a really low, juvenile, last-resort sort of way to take a stab at someone on a mental health website that was just looking for help in some way. But I wonder if they see the hypocrisy. I doubt it has even crossed their minds. I doubt they understand it at all.

 

Yeah dude, *****es on here just jealous that you got game. I wasn't always the best-looking girl in high school and I managed to get less unattractive in college, but I've noticed that younger plain-Jane me was a lot less anxious. I think that the more my looks improved, the more I got self-conscious because I'll receive more attention, some of which I don't want because of the discomfort it gives me. And like you said, abuse does horrible things to your trust in people. It sure does still affect me to this day. I'm afraid of getting close to people because I feel like I'm giving them the power to sexually or emotionally take advantage of me again. My SA may not be severe as some people on here, but it does have the potential to ruin my chances of getting a career or maintaining a serious relationship.

 

I can't take you seriously on the topic if you can post a video of yourself publicly. Props though for the confidence.

 

+1

 

People still haven't figured out that SA works more or less the same way that other phobias do.

Phobias don't care what you look like, or what your self-esteem is like, or what your personality is like, or whether or not you have a bf/gf or anything else. Some people are just scared of spiders/heights/clowns/whatever. There's no reason for it beyond "something happened" and "some people are naturally more susceptible than others for biological reasons". I'm like a million times bigger than a spider; there's no logical reason for me to be afraid of them. You might belong on the cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and have no logical reason to be afraid of ever being rejected, but SA, like the spider creeping across my ceiling, doesn't really care about whether or not your fear is justified.

Lots of people on here think that extroverts don't get SA. Wrong. I'm extroverted by nature. I love people. I love talking to them. I find them interesting. Unfortunately, I'm also terrified of them.

Lots of people on here think that SA is related to self-esteem. It's not. I have great self-esteem. (Some might say too much.) I have so much self-esteem I can help other people build their own self-esteem.

Lots of people on here think that people with "great personalities" don't get SA. Not true either. Not going to toot my own horn (well, yeah, I am, but see above) but I've got a great personality. I'm smart, I'm witty, and I'm interesting. Doesn't matter if you spend all your time hiding indoors.

I've got all kinds of "no one like that should have SA" things going on (not the looks thing, dagnabbit) but I'm still scared of interacting with people, just like I'm scared of interacting with spiders. People want a reason for their SA because they want a solution, so "the reason" is always "whatever I don't have" and the solution is always "whatever I need to do to get it", whether that's Toastmasters or nofap or shame attacking or exposure therapy.

Abandon reason at the door, peeps. If you think somebody can't have SA for one reason or another, I guarantee you you're wrong. SA don't care about nonyadamn reasons.

 

People still haven't figured out that SA works more or less the same way that other phobias do.

Phobias don't care what you look like, or what your self-esteem is like, or what your personality is like, or whether or not you have a bf/gf or anything else. Some people are just scared of spiders/heights/clowns/whatever. There's no reason for it beyond "something happened" and "some people are naturally more susceptible than others for biological reasons". I'm like a million times bigger than a spider; there's no logical reason for me to be afraid of them. You might belong on the cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and have no logical reason to be afraid of ever being rejected, but SA, like the spider creeping across my ceiling, doesn't really care about whether or not your fear is justified.

Lots of people on here think that extroverts don't get SA. Wrong. I'm extroverted by nature. I love people. I love talking to them. I find them interesting. Unfortunately, I'm also terrified of them.

Lots of people on here think that SA is related to self-esteem. It's not. I have great self-esteem. (Some might say too much.) I have so much self-esteem I can help other people build their own self-esteem.

Lots of people on here think that people with "great personalities" don't get SA. Not true either. Not going to toot my own horn (well, yeah, I am, but see above) but I've got a great personality. I'm smart, I'm witty, and I'm interesting. Doesn't matter if you spend all your time hiding indoors.

I've got all kinds of "no one like that should have SA" things going on (not the looks thing, dagnabbit) but I'm still scared of interacting with people, just like I'm scared of interacting with spiders. People want a reason for their SA because they want a solution, so "the reason" is always "whatever I don't have" and the solution is always "whatever I need to do to get it", whether that's Toastmasters or nofap or shame attacking or exposure therapy.

Abandon reason at the door, peeps. If you think somebody can't have SA for one reason or another, I guarantee you you're wrong. SA don't care about nonyadamn reasons.

I bolded the statements you made that I love. Excellent post!

 

If there are people who are too pretty to have SA, shouldn't there also be people who are too ugly to not have SA?

"Look at that ugly girl acting like she doesn't have SA. What a poser!"

 

I'm not sure if there's a large number of people on these boards that think otherwise though it's been a while since i spent quality time in the frustration section. I think people say "you're too pretty" for this or that in general as a come on or a way to flirt.

 

I'm a good looking guy, not gonna lie, but whenever someone tells me I'm too hot to have SA, I get a good laugh. Just because I'm hot and get laid every other day doesn't mean I'm not a loser too. All I do is play wow and watch porn. Being a stud doesn't change that.

 

You're Too To Have Anxiety!

Pretty Social WHAT?!

 

When the physical genetics that are visible to the eye are above average, all the other genetics and disorders you were born with are fixed. It's science.

 

You're too pretty for this thread crimeclub no one can trust you.

Also, can I have your number? I did just compliment you and stuff.

 

It's only because some people here base SA on whether or not you can get a relationship.

I've not got comments like that but if I did it would be funny seeing as I've pretty much always had SA to varying degrees (had selective mutism for a while too)

 

i think it can be a come on, but i also see some male you dont know telling a women "you are too _____ to be ____" as just plain sexism, period.i hear stuff from guys all the time about what i should not wear unless _____ or what i should not say unless ____ and it absolutely contributes to having anxiety. sexisim (or racisim, or probably any 'ism") absolutely makes everything harder. harder to walk down the street, harder to get a job, harder to deal with the world, make friends, fit in.

 

It's amazing how some here still do not understand how their own disorder works. Haillzz91 is 100% correct. This assumption that 'attractiveness' means you must be a confident, social butterfly is absolutely laughable. Education is what's needed, and clearly not just for those non-sufferers.

You don't know what effect this could have on an 'attractive' sufferer's mental state when you assume things like that of them, because they're dealing with enough expectations. It's the same as assuming a comedian is naturally a very happy person - Robin Williams and Tommy Cooper were perfect examples of how wrong that assumption is. Both of them suffered with severe depression.

 

It's amazing how some here still do not understand how their own disorder works. Haillzz91 is 100% correct. This assumption that 'attractiveness' means you must be a confident, social butterfly is absolutely laughable. Education is what's needed, and clearly not just for those non-sufferers.

You don't know what effect this could have on an 'attractive' sufferer's mental state when you assume things like that of them, because they're dealing with enough expectations. It's the same as assuming a comedian is naturally a very happy person - Robin Williams and Tommy Cooper were perfect examples of how wrong that assumption is. Both of them suffered with severe depression.

Exactly!

 

Not going to lie, if I see a handsome guy or pretty girl in an SA meetup, I feel sceptical at first, but I think that has more to do with me than them.

 

The ol' post a promotional video then run away and never post on the thread you created ever again, only drawing attention to the fact you only posted this to promote yourself on Youtube.
.....I don't think anyone needed to be educated about this, i'm pretty sure everyone is inherently aware anxiety has nothing to do external features(but they certainly help, when you're trying to get over it and you get bookoo positive reinforcement ).

 

Some people think it is because of how their appearance is related to their SA.

It's true though, for a lot of people there is no relation between SA and appearance.

Another thing is, people who are good looking will get more social opportunities than those who are not. Whether people like to admit it or not, subconsciously we all judge people based on how they look.

I wouldn't say "good-looking", but put together. I've seen tons of good-looking people that dress sloppy and don't take care of their hygiene and people avoid them. However, I've met many popular people who aren't good-looking, but style their hair nice and dress well put together with many social opportunities.

 

Has anyone read this story about Madison Holleran? http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/upenn-track-star-jumps-death-philadelphia-article-1.1585337

Beautiful girl, star athlete, and a good GPA at UPenn (difficult school in the US). Jumped off a parking structure and committed suicide. People commented "I never imagined she would do that. She was so pretty and seemed happy!" Looks can be deceiving, folks.

 

Did you read anyones posts?

 

I think attractiveness can be both a help and a hindrance.. attractive people are expected to have more friends and networking so it seems like strangers aren't as nice sometimes as they would be if someone was dog ugly...

I just thought about it, would I give a sexy homeless person more money - but in my whole life I've never seen a sexy homeless person.

 

Ive seen homeless people where I could tell they were good-looking at some point of their life. I don't think it makes it anymore sad though. Whether a person is good-looking or not, it's a shame their life turned out that way.

 

I think it's interesting that most of the people on here that say good-looking people can't have SA and get head in life are saying things to me, trying to put me down. You know what's really ugly? Rudeness.

 

No one said good looking people can't have a mental illness here, that's why I asked if you paid attention to any thing that people posted.

 

I'm also physically attractive but suffer from SA for different reasons. It's not out of place for pretty people to have SA or another mental illness. It's just so odd that you started a thread about some thing that pretty much everyone takes as common sense while posting a video of yourself on a forum of people that wouldn't even consider such an action a feasible option because of their illness.

 

I didn't watch the video but iirc @Haillzz91 has overcome a lot of her SA, which is why she's creating the videos - to help others. It's obviously something she's heard plenty of times and it bothers her.

Lots of people on here go to meetups and play online multiplayer, both of which I don't consider feasible for me. Even having a therapist seems unfeasible to me most of the time.

 

I've been lucky genetically to have slightly above average looks, according to some people and my estimations. It's helped me, opened doors for me, with relationships and other areas. I can see how some with less going for them in the looks department would have a harder time in life and I acknowledge this.

But it doesn't prevent me from having Social Anxiety. It reduces it, proportional to the confidence it generates and the acceptance from others it gives me, the positive life experiences it creates. If I was beautiful, like an 8, 9 or 10, I'm sure I'd barely have any social anxiety. But - it would still be there.

Because of the way my sensitive system is wired, in my brain. There would still be self doubt and obsessive thoughts leading to fear of embarrassment and rejection and social failure. I'd have a lot more success socially, more confidence, more acceptance. All of those things combined, though, cannot eliminate SA if you are predisposed to it. Your level of emotional sensitivity, negative thought processes, tendency of over-thinking, and negative life experiences all contribute.

You have to beat it in your own mind regardless of how you look. Looks help but they don't win the war. Same with money, same with talent, same with intelligence, same with having a great personality - they all help reduce SA but aren't enough to eliminate it.

 

I've been lucky genetically to have slightly above average looks, according to some people and my estimations. It's helped me, opened doors for me, with relationships and other areas. I can see how some with less going for them in the looks department would have a harder time in life and I acknowledge this.

But it doesn't prevent me from having Social Anxiety. It reduces it, proportional to the confidence it generates and the acceptance from others it gives me, the positive life experiences it creates. If I was beautiful, like an 8, 9 or 10, I'm sure I'd barely have any social anxiety. But - it would still be there.

Because of the way my sensitive system is wired, in my brain. There would still be self doubt and obsessive thoughts leading to fear of embarrassment and rejection and social failure. I'd have a lot more success socially, more confidence, more acceptance. All of those things combined, though, cannot eliminate SA if you are predisposed to it. Your level of emotional sensitivity, negative thought processes, tendency of over-thinking, and negative life experiences all contribute.

You have to beat it in your own mind regardless of how you look. Looks help but they don't win the war. Same with money, same with talent, same with intelligence, same with having a great personality - they all help reduce SA but aren't enough to eliminate it.

This post is kind of the thread-ender, states the realities of having decent looks, and also the realities of being predisposed to have SA, like how having relationships don't cure anything for you. Your genetics are still the same. But I'm sure this thread will continue being a s*** to the fan.

 

Ever heard of the What Is Beautiful Is Good Effect?

We tend to place positive traits and attributes in attractive people. For instance, attractive people are perceived as being extroverted, having more friends, and being more popular. Maybe it's the fact that beautiful people receive more positive attention so they're more likely to have these traits.

 

a seemingly unattractive appearance isn't a pre-requisite for having SA, agreed but it really is a big gush of fuel to the fire.
from what i've noticed, it leads to people thinking they have nothing to offer because of the emphasis placed on looks by others.

an attractive person with SA can always rely on their looks to fall back on. doesn't prevent or cure SA but can maybe help control the fire?

i've had experience with this, truth be told i think i got lucky by having average or decent looks and been complimented, women flirting etc (until i open my mouth and speak lol)
but as a teen i suffered quite bad acne for a year, this made my SA hugely worse because what little i had to offer was gone but when it healed, the increase in my SA did too.

im going through similar now actually, just had tricep tendon surgery and not been able to train so i've lost muscle and feel that something i have of value (my physique) is now dwindling away.
soon as i start training again and re-gain lost muscle i know i'll feel better straight away.


i don't think people should prejudice someone because of their looks but i can understand why people get frustrated. good looks is something tangible to have, something people see and immediately appreciate and gravitate to.

im in no position to be advising anyone because im in the reclusion boat too!
but if i could i would say that looks aren't the only tangible appeal we can have - i developed my physique and this is down largely to hard work.
same with a substantial talent like playing an instrument well (ever see someone quiet just pull out a guitar and play it like they were possessed? its awesome! lol)
element of natural talent in everything but these things we can develop and influence more than we can our looks and are more impressive.

 

you're too beautiful to have SA is like saying you're too beautiful to have diarrhea smh

 

A lot of this is just men being men and thinking that being a man sucks. They're not wrong. You can say being a woman sucks too. No matter how valid that is, it doesn't make being a man suck any less.

Sometimes I think people fail to grasp that. However bad it is for one gender, it doesn't magically make it better for the other. The hardships a women might go through don't invalidate what a man goes through and vice versa.

Let's just go back to saying life is hell. I think we can all agree on that.

 

This reminded me about others telling unattractive women that they're too ugly to get raped. That's the same thing as telling someone they're too pretty to have SAS. Nonsense and BS.

 

I know. I hate when people make comments like "ewww. Who would rape HER?" it's like, wow. Not only was the girl raped but you're going to BULLY her about her appearance too??