It's not us, it's them. We don't need fixing, it's all the people who think being loud and obnoxious all the time is having a personality and / or character who need fixing. You will find someone who sees you for the wonderful person you are. Hopefully you'll learn that the negative thoughts are just society's way of trying to brainwash us to be docile robots.

 

Thank you. I agree that loudness is kind of overrated/overvalued in society. I've heard so many comments implying that introverted people need to be fixed, as if they simply haven't grown into the ultimate goal of extroversion yet.

 

@crybaby97

That kind of escapism through tv (and other methods) is very common in those with SA. You're not alone in this.

I don't know your story of course, but many with SA have some very negative history with people, either abuse, neglect, hypercritical parents, pple who only accepted you on their terms, bullying, etc. I'm not willing to bet on it, but it is highly likely there's some relational trauma in your history. This trauma causes us to believe many untrue things about how we have to be and behave in order to be accepted and have relationships with others. Many become hypervigilant of all their thoughts, everything they say in order to be liked and accepted. This, along with the initial trauma, causes great anxiety.

The good news is you're not broken and you don't need to be fixed. You're having a normal reaction to likely very ****ty circumstances. A reaction many people would have as evidenced by the many on this forum. This is not abnormal.

So how do we "fix" it ie bring you back to a natural state of being comfortable with others. There are many ways- from an emotional point you can begin try mindfulness. From a cognitive point, CBT is amazing. From a physiological point, any exercise, yoga or anything that puts you directly into your body rather than your mind is amazing. That said, Idk what will work for you so I'll list some things you can try. The point is there is help for you and these things can be overcome. It may take some time to work through or find what works for you, but it can be done. You are not broken, you don't need to be fixed.

Things you can try- therapy and/or self help and/or support groups (CBT, ACT, DBT, EMDR, MBSR, and many more.) There are a few dr's that deal only with SA. There's even a Social Anxiety institute that you can attend, but they also have an online program a few here, including myself, have had success with. Medication is a route many take in conjunction with therapy. Any way, the point is just try begin somewhere. Google about SA, pick up self help books, find a therapist, whatever. There is hope, there is help, this is not a life sentence. You're doing just fine and you're going to be ok. Good luck.

BTW- if none of this applies to you, feel free to ignore it. I have no idea what I'm talking about anyway.:wink2:

 

Thank you, that was really informative. I have been bullied a lot of times during my childhood and have a hypercritical parent. I'm sure that's contributed to my SA.

I went to a CBT group and it did help me a little bit, but I ideally want to find a more extensive/immerse program because I think I'm more on the severe side.

 

Baby steps towards making new friends?

 

I was impressed by realisticandhopeful reply, until the part suggesting you to drug yourself... nope, not for me.

Nutrition helped me tremendously, because the adrenals and brain need a lot of vitamin C to heal, stress is a physical damage. And accepting my limits.

You have friends, you're in college... I'm a bed ridden invalid, I'm scared to go get groceries. You seem well socially adapted from my perspective. I had narcissistic parents that hammered into me "nothing is ever good enough" because they needed a justification to bully me. Some people only feel tall by cutting the heads of others. Some people only feel in control of their lives by crushing another's... It breaks my heart... and make me scared to even try to be near people.

Maybe you're just exhausted from school.

Introverts work differently than extroverts. We have a hypersensitive nervous system that makes us super intelligent, but also super emotional... because that's the two sides of having super sensitive nerves... We get exhausted faster because we take in and analyze more information faster... it makes us look weak in the eyes of extroverts... Build strong to build things... less sensitive to handle it... needing loud noises to avoid being bored... But why do you think they get drunk and **** around? Not because they like it... That's how they cope with their fears, they numb it with booze out of their minds... they hit and run from mates because they're scared to have their heart hurt... They brag about their many conquests to hide the fact that they feel utterly alone, not bonding but only having a steady flow of strangers... They're not as happy as they seem... Unlike you, they don't have the guts to admit it.

There are 16 personality types. Here are quiz:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

I'm a NTFJ, the rarest, only 2% have it... to others, my personality will seem weird and defective... I'll have an unlikely chance to meet someone who's like me... My high IQ is also in the 2%... and being asexual makes me in another 2%.
So 2% of 2% of 2% is 0,000008% of people will be like me. It's just statistics. I don't need fixing. How would I fix my high IQ to be able to enjoy lesser topics than biology and quantum physics (like the weather, gossip, sports and painted nails)? A lobotomy? No thanks.

I have to accept that and welcome different people... but people bond with things in common. I'm a sad angry person from my traumas... people don't like that... people don't want to hear that injecting diseases in babies will more likely kill them than make them invincible... people want to be in their ignorant bliss... and I don't want to do that even if I knew how...

Do you know why there are less intellectual introverts than so many strong extroverts? Because you need many soldiers to send to their death... and only a few leaders.

So have some pride in what you are. It's for a reason too. For a good purpose... or because someone used you for a bad one.

Reading about narcissists, their manipulative ways (especially gaslight) helped me... I'm reading about how to put boundaries, and sadly with some people the only way is to trash them...

I can't help you with being more social because you're far better at it than I am... but I guess it starts with being good, respectful and loving with ourselves... So I take care of my own needs, and I'm trying to learn to let others do the same...

I wish I was more popular too, but I'm unable to have a good facade with how screwed up I feel inside... I don't think I can be fixed, I'll never have a job, family, lover... and maybe not even friends... I have to mourn that fact... my dreams... so I can make the best of what I can...

And if all I can do is enjoy TV, at least I'm not starving in the streets or in a prostitution ring, or working at walmart.

So... I try to appreciate what I have... I do my best... and if that's not good enough for others... then all I can do is be good to myself and not allow the people that want to be bad to me to come near me...

I can't change the fact that I don't have things in common with someone, I can't force them to love me even if I put them in a cage in the basement... So I'll just focus on appreciating myself and doing my best... Strangely bettering myself is learning to be worse with bad people... I'm still working on that...

If you want friends, maybe join a club? I did join an anime watching and board game playing club... But some people didn't like me and forced the leader to kick me out even if others liked me... So I'd rather be one on one... but then my friends feel insecure to see me steal their lover or their lover are scared that they'll cheat with me... and try to turn them against me... or they harass me sexually...

Urg...

So... I don't know either... if you figure it out let me know... but beating myself up won't make me more confident, taking care of myself helped... so maybe you can try that.

You have a friend, I'm impressed, even if it's by pity... at least they care somehow. How did you do that? Maybe you can try again... If pedophiles have friends, lovers and are loved by their mother... then why the hell not me. Oh right, I don't tell them the lies that they want to hear... I don't pretend to be perfect to do evil in everyone's back.

We could be worse... as long as we don't hurt others... people have no right to complain. And if they don't like me, well, I guess it's their right. I hate chocolate ice cream, it disgusts me... does it mean that it should stop to exist? No, others will enjoy it. I guess we just need to find a weirdo that likes our flavor.

 

Medication can be a significant help. If you find the right one and that may take time, it can bring you valuable relief to start working on the some of the areas you are struggling with.

For me, it changed my life.

 

Antidepressants cause depression.

Because it causes hypoglycemia... which causes depression, psychosis (by being unable to think clearly and misunderstanding our senses) violence (the primal brain becomes aggressive to find food and survive), sudden death...

Because antidepressants aren't serotonin, the feel good hormone is made in the gut, not the brain, with magnesium... but any nutritional deficiency or mistreated need causes depression, that's how your body tells you when you do a good job at self care of not.

Antidepressants are insulin! The hormone that forces you to store your glucose fuel... making you too weak to fight back or think about your problems... It's a chemical straight jacket and have been used to lobotomize, after electroshocks were denounced as damaging torture, they even used insulin to induce "therapeutic comas"... which is a worse step closer to death in hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) but since patients are quieter than freaking out all confused, they consider that a good thing... even if it kills people.

So go ahead people... put your life in the hands of people that do stuff like that to you instead to nurture your own needs and take responsibility for your self care... Screw rest, self respect, nutrition and kicking out of our life the people that make us feel afraid by threatening and hurting us.

No, we just need to drug our stupid feelings into docile sheep so we can be happy while people abuse us... Like docile little slaves.

Ignorance is bliss... but knowledge is power.

Sarcasm aside... seriously... your body is trying to tell you something, listen to it. We don't have social anxiety, we have social lucidity.

I feel much better now that I allowed myself the "failure" of kicking bad or incompatible people out of my life.

Drugs won't fix who you are. And the only wrong I see in you is the idea that you need fixing and that there's no hope. Com'on, I'm a bed ridden invalid and I still manage to feel good... Okay, I end up suicidal if I eat sugary stuff, even if it's just grains or potatoes... So I understand distress... But I feel good when I take good care of my needs and don't let harmful people harm me. Life is really that simple.

Anyone telling you that your emotions are being defective and want to drug you just want to make a profit out of you.

They're natural emotions, even if they're unpleasant to feel. They have an important message to tell us and we should listen.

Well, if you want to drug yourself... that's your life... But anyone telling you that you're defective is an *******, even if they think they mean well. Of course we're free to share what helped us... and I'm sure that cocaine addict and people that cut themselves can say that it makes them feel better... but I wish them better... I wish them self acceptance and inner peace from their own self, not drugs... Antidepressants are more dangerous than pot... so if you want to go down the drug path... you might as well try the natural stuff...

Or you can let your body make their own happy juices by taking the nutrients necessary to make them... Like magnesium... and vitamin C... and B... I take fistful of vitamin C when I feel awful... It really helps with stress.

Well, do what you think is best to make you happy... just make sure to read the side effects...

 

kik me plz because we are twins!

 

English isn't my native language, shortcut codes is too hard for me to decode... and makes me feel depressed if I'm not worth a few extra vowels of your time.

Twin with whom? Her or me?

As you wish~ *kicks you* But that was for doing bad grammar on purpose, not who you are.

People tend to have low self esteem but they do mediocrity on purpose... why don't you put the same energy into doing your best? You might surprise yourself.

 

 

Thank you all for replying! And thank you for sharing your story, @TreeOfWolf. Lots of different points of view...

Personally, I want to exhaust all other options before I even consider medication. I don't think my actual anxiety symptoms are bad enough to warrant medication and I'm not nearly as educated as I want to be on the potential risks/benefits. Even if I do take medication and it alleviates my anxiety, I still won't be more motivated to seek out friendships or put myself out there or whatever.

 

That isnt the medication issues than.

Why do you need to seek friendships? Its not obligatory.

 

@crybaby97 You sound so much like me it's almost weird, so I can absolutely relate. I'm taking teeny tiny baby steps forward since I started counseling a few months ago, but it's always disappointing when I can't see obvious change. I feel the same as you about medication, I want to exhaust all other options first. I don't really have anything useful to suggest since it sounds like we're in really similar places, but I'm wishing you luck and I'd love to know if you have any successes!

 

Thank you, I wish you good luck too! It's amazing how similar a lot of us feel. Before I found out I had social anxiety, I was so scared I'll never get better and felt so alone in what I was going through.

 

Atleast you have school going for you. Try flunking out of school on top of having no social life, no job, no hobbies, nothing. I can relate though. Even though I used to have a decent amount of friends in school, I have none now and what with my social skills being so poor after isolation and all, it's likely that I won't make any anytime soon. I just can't make or keep conversation. It sucks so freaking much. A basic skill set that everyone else around me is equipped with. Yet I lack it. Me of all people. Ugh.

 

I'm sorry to hear. :/ I hope things start looking up soon

 

I can relate so much!!

I feel you!! Last summer I finally felt like I was getting better, like I was brave enough to push myself to go out alot and meet new people and miraculously I actually enjoyed that, it wasn't tiring me out. But now, I just honestly hate being around people again, they make me so depressed and seriously so anxious and sad. My mom is practically barking at me to go out more and "be normal" and hang out with other people. I'm practically home all the time so I seriously rarely even go to the super market since my only family, my mom, is too busy with her boyfriend :crying:
Since I have moved here to Cali last year, I feel like I can't find any friends that I can genuinely connect with...The place I used to live had so many amazing, trustworthy people, but here, it's like everyone just looks for shallow kind of fake relationships, like it's ok as long as they have a certain quantity of friends. Especially being in my teenage years rn and in my last two years of high school, I feel like I NEED to be going out and making memories...:frown2::rain