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How do you deal with visitors to your home?

21K views 22 replies 20 participants last post by  jessckuh  
#1 ·
I have had a tremendous fear of it since I can remember. I still never invite anyone to my home. If my place is really clean, I can handle my immediate family and my boyfriend, but that still makes me feel a little anxious. I'm terrified to invite even my closest friends :(

Has anyone overcome this and how?
 
#14 ·
Yeppers this is the only way I deal with them.
 
#4 ·
I'm used to it now. As a child I would usually hide in my room when visitors are over.

I don't like having friends over as well. As a child I think I was embarrassed by my family and my home but now I just don't like friends over. I think it's because I would have to cater to them and also we would have to find activities to do and I also I fear that there would be awkward silences.

 
#5 ·
As long as I come out and meet them immediately instead of sitting in my room I can handle them fairly well. I don't really say much to them but my anxiety level stays pretty low unless they start trying to talk to me, but I just keep it general and shallow. They probably think the only words in my vocabulary are "good" and "fine". If I stay in my room at first it becomes a lot harder, because I think it's awkward to emerge after a guest has already arrived.

If it's something like a UPS guy or something else, or those annoying people who go around knocking on doors at a dorm, I just keep it very polite and succinct and get them to leave ASAP.
 
#6 ·
Don't have to deal with visitors as I have none. The last visitor I had over was another member of SAS (who'd prefer to forget they ever had any association with me). That would have been 18 months ago. They're the only one to see the hell I live in.

Anyone curious how messy this place is, send me an e-mail and I'll forward you some pics of OCD hoarding.
 
#7 ·
Try to work out what's causing the fear. You could try to overcome it gradually, such as having someone meet you there before you set out somewhere. I didn't have any fear as a child, but remember getting put off over time by people making unflattering comments on certain aspects of my (parents') house. As a teen/early 20s, my mother having visitors stay a day or longer would make me ill.

As an adult, I would stay over at my ex's house most of the week and whenever a new guest stayed, I'd straighten the place out and conceal anything I didn't want seen.

With my own place, I don't invite anyone. Only my friend/ex/carer comes round and sometimes invites others, asking me first. I deal with it by hiding or having something to occupy me while in their company. They used to think it was due to rudeness. I never offer drinks or anything else. It doesn't matter because people take over my territory and do what they want anyway. I prepare by making sure anything private is hidden and that I have what I need in my bedroom in case I stay in there.
 
#8 ·
In approximately two and a half hours my friend is going to come to my house :afr

edit: My stepdad was really sensitive about it. When my friend arrived, he was like "What, you're here to visit KumagoroBeam????? That's the first time she's ever had a friend over!!"

The eyeroll smiley doesn't do my annoyance justice :roll
 
#9 ·
few years ago I was very nervous when there were visitors at my place,
especially if they came unexpectedly. I started to tremble, feeled anxious,
didn't know what to do and how to act.
Now I can handle if there is one visitor/friend in my house, but not more.
 
#11 ·
I do the same thing sometimes. On a good day I'll eat dinner with them but usually not say more than a couple words.

Last Christmas I spent alone in my room because of a combination of SA and depression. We had maybe 10 guests over. I hated that..

A couple months ago I had some friends come over, and I was pretty uncomfortable. They left after just an hour of being there, because they where bored. I felt pretty bad after that. I think my SA got a little worse after that =/.
 
#12 ·
I always hated visitors, when I had them I went hiding, now a days I just don't have anyone over at all.

Sheesh I even get nervous when I am waiting from packages from UPS or Fed Ex like this morning I am sitting here waiting for a package and freaking out a little bit :-(
 
#13 ·
I used to have huge problems with visitors to my home but things have fairly improved.
I do invite my closest family and friends and do feel comfortable when they're around. No problem even if they stay overnight.

But I absolutely hate unannounced visitors. I need to know who's coming, when they're coming over and how long they will stay.

"Surprise guests" will most likely have to stay out.
 
#15 ·
My parents only come over possibly once a year, but I made an effort to make a Christmas dinner last December and it was them with my sister & her family. My boyfriend was here too. I couldn't believe how well I dealt with it. My boyfriend was helpful though because he was here way before anyone else.

I like having a safe place, but I want to share it. Sigh...

P.S. - UltraShy, have you tried to get help for the hoarding?
 
#17 ·
for me I guess it just depends who it is, if it's my mom or someone close to me then I'm fine with it, but if its a neighbor then I'll usually just ignore the door and hope they don't hear me sneaking around. For delivery or UPS I always make my husband deal with them, too much stress
 
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#20 ·
Ya! I'm torn about it, because deep down I do want to have lots of visitors too. I also feel the opposite. Gah!

Have you invited your parents over?
 
#19 ·
First, I assemble myself into my homemade suit of armor made entirely of soda cans. I then hide behind the door with Raid and a broom (possibly two). Also Febreze, Glade, etc. will do if you don't have Raid - anything tbh they don't know it's not mace it's only a distraction so they don't see the broom handle coming. After I've thwacked them on the head a few dozen times, I drag the body down the stairs and out the the trash, dumping it in the nearest bin. Final step: toss your armor and flee the scene (soda cans are noisy).

Oh. OH! You mean when I lived in a SAFE neighbourhood.
 
#22 ·
Ask Dave to show you pics of his totally renovated and newly furnished home that he worked on for so long. It looks like a new model home.

Gives me little incentive to clean up my pig sty when even a pristine home fails to attract visitors.
 
#23 ·
I don't know a lot of ppl so no one really comes to visit me. It bothers me terribly when my sister has a bunch of people over but sometimes some of them seem to be 'cool' with me and that makes it much easier. When someone DOES come over for me I take a deep breath, think of what I'm going to say and go out and ACT like I'm not petrified.

ah, and does Robert Pattison have SAD?? Even before I found out I had it when i saw him on The Ellen Show the way he acted and things he said made me think aloud "He has the same issues I have!"