yeah, I feel totally the same, like I am from another place in time. I cant really connect, relate or feel like I fit in with other people my age, and they know it too. So I just know that they really dont wanna hang around me.

 

Yeah, me too we should just all buy an island and only SA people should be able to live there lol :clap

 

:teeth Good idea :b
Yeah it sucks, no matter how interested you are in the conversation or how friendly you appear, it does not seem to matter, people still think i am odd or nutty or whatever.
So either Its a case of being too interested in other people or too inward looking if you are not interested, you cant win:no

 

I always feel like people don't like it when I'm around and don't talk, just as much as they dislike it when I do talk. I don't blame them as I generally annoy myself when I find myself not talking/talking.

 

I'm not sure why this made me laugh, but it did. So true-can't win either way.
--
On a good day, I still feel this distance between myself and others as well. On a really good day, I can be around people, perhaps quiet as I always have been, but make occasional witty remarks. Some actually enjoy my humor, which is nice. However, I'm still on the sidelines; they carry on taking about their world I'm not apart of. I'm lost in the crowd even if it's a small one.
I mostly prefer one on one conversations, which I think is part of the problem? The small talk that happens in groups isn't my forte. Like some of you said, I spend a lot time lost in thought. There have been a few instances where I've shared a few with someone(not my deepest,darkest thoughts, just small things), and I found ways to articulate these things only to be met with no response.
Most of the time, I feel like I've been starved of any close bond with someone for so long that these casual things don't cut it. I guess I'm not so good at getting anyone interested in getting to know me in that way.

 

Today was awful. I don't know why i sort of get excited before a family shindig, but always feel like **** afterwards; drained. I'm thinking about distancing myself a bit, because my brother really gets me worked up. I stopped trying today; i mean, i like to make the effort to catch up because time flies in this life, but even people i haven't seen in a while act like i'm bothering them. okay, **** it. I heard the laughter about something, but when i walked in, it sort of broke up, and everyone scattered. I don't know what else to do. My immediate family is ok, but the kids and couples don't know what to do around me. Ahh, i don't know, it was just good to come home.

 

I'm the opposite. People want to be around me as much as the next person, but I don't like being around people.

 

I know how you feel i get invites to go out but its like when im with people i want to be alone but when im alone i want to be with people .. what the hell lol :mum

 

I feel that way to, even after alchol. There have only been a few people that I've been able to connect with. I believe that with proper treatment of my SA, over time I will get better and be able to freely communicate with less anxiety.

I think that when you have had SA for so long and especially during your teenage years your morals/values and general view on life is influenced by SA. Like I think alot of people with SA have had negative social experiences and have led us to being being extrmley sensitive to perceived social failure. So a forum like this allows me to connect with people at a different level than your "average joe".

People without any kind of mental disorder/anxiety/confidence problems aren't going to always understand you. Since most people without mental illness have high self cinfidence /self esteem they generally have a more optimistic view and are socially advanced. I don't know that's just my opinion. Maybe I'm going to deep.

 

I'm on this level too, I relate don't relate to most people even when I'm feeling a bit more relaxed, it sucks

 

Yeah, people don't seem to like me. It's not that people hate me (well, usually) but once I make a friend, it doesn't seem like they really want to continue hanging out with me. I don't really blame them. Aside from being really quiet, I think I'm just too serious and boring for people. I hardly laugh or find things amusing, and when I do express an opinion, it's usually negative. I can also relate to things being the same way even when you do relax. It's as if being in my most social state doesn't even get to the level extroverts are when least social. It's like I put in a lot of effort only to have it brushed off as being nothing.

 

I know how you feel doveagain
Also i find extroverted people are actually very unfriendly :no they are loud mouthed idiots and chat away in front of you but never to you directly

 

I understand you.
With me I feel almost on another planet half the time, even with my friends.
Well they want to go out, drink, party, things that make them feel connected and whole just make me feel more disconnected. Part of the issue is being introverted. Well they say what they think without much thought, and accept things for what they are, I see the same things and concentrate on another level. Over-thinking even, and searching for meaning. (The what-ifs, where? why?) Which makes it harder to stay in their fast paced way of interacting.

 

i like how you describe it in actual words. i've never been able to do so.

 

im usually normal with some beers but sometimes i feel unnatural just knowing everyone os drinking to have fun when im over drinking to escape SA

 

Yep.

The thing is that the people who still want to be around you are the ones worth having as friends! The rest can just do whatever. :yes

 

I too feel as if I am on a totally different level to others. I do so much thinking (even my mother said that when i was a baby she could tell that I was always thinking about things and not saying much) I do feel quite clever about most things, I always look deeper into everything than other people. So when i have something to say which I find interesting, others find it boring. I feel compelled to try and join in with the inane babble the loud people at work sometimes spout, just so I can fit in, however I am totally against the principal of being a sheep and would rather just be myself, being weird and working away in a quiet corner than be a photocopy of someone who I find a bore!

 

Why does alone have to feel better?

I try to start out the night being friendly and doing what my friends are doing or have done (dressing up more or less, buying a round of drinks - whatever). I then end up trying too hard to be friendly to the people I am just getting to know, but I end up trying so hard to do the right things I end up making them think I am an ***. Then within a short time it always seems like my friends are laughing and giggling and I am left standing there totally out of the loop.... I get paranoid and think they are laughing at me too and in my shell I go. I'll go to the bathroom and pretend I couldn't find them when I got back and just kind of sit or stand by myself. I always watch to see if any of them seems to even notice I haven't come back, sometimes yes, sometimes no. But it always ends the same - I am then totally alienated and can't wait to leave. I have tried to tell them I want to be more included to feel more comfortable, but it never changes no matter where I am and who I am with. It is as if I am watching a play and just in the way on the stage. I then spend at least the next day (or more), apologizing to someone and when they tell me oh - I didn't even notice, I then start agonizing over the next social gathering coming - alot of which I pretend to forget about - getting older does have some benefits :blank I guess I just don't know how to make friends.

 

Yes! When I'm relaxed and good and feel like being friendly - THEN its like no one wants to be around me.

Every other time I don't want to be around them though because I feel tense and I dont want to be judged or look like I'm just a b*tch

 

Yeah, I feel like people don't want to be around me, that maybe I'm some huge, untalkative, aggrivating bore. A snoozefest. I totally relate to all the people on here. I constantly want to be a part of the fun with my friends, but they are laughing and having a good time with each other and it always seems that no one even freaking needs me around.

I hate the feeling that if i disappeared, most people wouldn't even notice- only my family. Makes me feel like the most pathetic person ever.

Wow, I am so glad I can turn to a sort of family on this forum, that i never have in the outside world. Even if we all have our problems, at least we have one outlet here. It's a start. I just wish I didn't feel so alone all the time. =[ UGGGGGGH frustration central

 

I very rarely get along with people. I do at first, but after they get to know how screwed up I am they don't want anything to do with me. Over the years I learn to keep my distance from other people. I am now 40 and this isn't probably going to change.

 

I think this depends on the person. If you are very quiet but polite and kind to people I'm sure most people don't mind being around you. If you appear depressed or sad or negative I can understand why people would not want to be around you. I find that people tend to like me after they've known me for a little while. At first I bet they think I'm shy and boring. After they get to know me they are able to see that I have a sense of humor and I'm usually pretty kind and understanding with people. So if you appear way different with people you don't know than with people you do know they are reacting to your image not yourself.

 

I often feel like people don't mind me, but don't necessarily like me either. Like co-workers and fellow students when i was in university. They're nice enough to me at work/school and we work together ok, but it never goes farther than that. They don't ever want to do anything with me after work/school. They're make plans to do things with each other right infront of me and not invite me.
I've found it's pointless to try to be friends with "normal" people. Most of my friends have mental issues of one sort or another. Mostly depression. Us odd ones need to stick together!

 

I often feel like people don't mind me, but don't necessarily like me either. Like co-workers and fellow students when i was in university. They're nice enough to me at work/school and we work together ok, but it never goes farther than that. They don't ever want to do anything with me after work/school. They're make plans to do things with each other right in front of me and not invite me.
I've found it's pointless to try to be friends with "normal" people. Most of my friends have mental issues of one sort or another. Mostly depression. Us odd ones need to stick together!

Same here! I get along with people at work, I make people laugh! We have a good time I guess! But that's it! No invites out to any of there get togethers! They will even ask others in front of me, and talk about their outings in front of me! I just don't get it! However the odd time they do ask, I would come up with an excuse, I don't think they would enjoy my company very much, I am just not a party person!

 

I'm boring, awkward & silent. Don't think anyone would find being around me much company. So I understand.

 

Yeah, but I think it's because I'm so anxious around people that they think I don't like them.

 

I feel this way all the time. Like I'm putting on a show that everyone knows is a show. And no matter how hard I try and no matter how I mimic what others do/say I can't develop the same connections.

When I was growing up I used to think that God made a mistake and that I was somehow born without a Soul and that Souls are what enable others to connect and have feelings for and with others. Overactive imagination I guess.

 

When I was growing up I used to think that God made a mistake and that I was somehow born without a Soul and that Souls are what enable others to connect and have feelings for and with others. Overactive imagination I guess.

This is what i think a lot too.

 

Yeah, I'm a friendly person but it's like they just don't like me. I can see through their head and I know they're thinking of an excuse to leave >.>,

 

yes. people think i'm really annoying and it's always uncomfortable around me. i wish i weren't so awkward and annoying

 

Pretty much, unless they want something like a quick grope or help with their homework or other problems. They usually only bond with those who like messing about partying or discussing typical everyday things.