I suppose, they expect me to follow their every rule without question.

 

It's sort of a half-and-half thing with my parents.

99% of the time I do as they say without question; they don't MAKE me, I just do it, and in return they treat me like an adult. But, if I am to do something foolish; which with me being so clumsy and absent-minded is often, I am automatically degraded to 'child' and thus treated like a child until I can 'prove' myself worthy of being crowned 'adult' again.

It can be very frustrating, but it's better than being treated like a kid all the time. :sus

 

My parents still tend to treat me like a child sometimes. Especially in social situations when i'm with my mom. She tends to talk down to me and tries to control me and in turn I get defensive and "embarrass her". But most of the time we get along well.

 

Always, constantly talked to as if I'm an idiot.My father has this wierd thing where he asks me simple things and asks if I'm sure five times. I also automatically get blamed for everything by default with head screwing 'well someone has' 'well who did then?' replies when I'm stern it wasn't me. Seriously I wonder why I'm not schizophrenic sometimes.

The worst bit is they've largely made me this unconfident person I am, yet I'm stuck living here whilst I'm not working.

 

I think almost all parents are condescending to some extent.

 

My parents were never condescending to me, and that Curb your Enthusiasm clip was so funny!!!!

 

Yes, my dad always babys me about everything like im retarded... it might have contributed something to social anxiety

 

Did? No past tense at our house. Do.

 

Yes, my dad still screams at me sometimes....if he's in a bad mood he tends to take it out on me. Both parents still treat me like a toddler, constantly reminding me of stuff I do not need to be reminded of. Constantly monitoring me. Drives me nuts, I've had a couple times where I just lost it at my mom. Last time (recently) my dad screamed at me, I told my mom I don't have to put up with this. And I shouldn't have to. It's ridiculous. I can't wait to disappear....

 

Yes, my mum especially. Though after I left home for university and lived on my own for a while, I think they started to respect me a bit more.

 

They used to I felt. I think I blamed them for my feelings, my own resentments for who I am to some degree. Not so much anymore. I am trying to bulid my relationship with my family. We have never really had one, it hurts and I try not to fuss about my health, but my mom wants to be there for me. I have a need for my mom to be nurturing and understanding, something I don't think I ever felt as a child. I feel like a sick little girl sometimes; I know I am far from a little girl though.

I rambled a bit.

 

The dead beat known as my father is the most condescending man in the world, some people have a sense of reality and that not everything is Roses, but the old man acts like Barney or some other over the top happy kiddy Dinosaur or Bunny or what ever. With this everything is so beautiful everyday is a perfect day (come along now kids geddi geddi goo I've got a smile for you)

When I talked about committing suicide and was down at my lowest point my father started laying a guilt trip on me about how I was going to hurt the family and do I think of anyone but myself and then he started the whole When I worry you worry issue and this is your life, this is the path God set for you, stay there.

I'm feeling miserable as hell I'm on the verge of having a break down and my so called father is telling me, your pitying yourself this is all a bunch of crap and that you will be positive because I say so and no more of that stupid killing yourself talk and do you see anyone else talking like that. It scared me early on when I didn't have a girlfriend and I was terrified I would die alone without one and he said "Just accept that your never going to have one and be happy and live your life, God wanted this for you so let God's plan take it course (ARGH I want to throttle him.

Was it Gods plan that he leave my mother alone and pregnant to go back to his other family was it God's plan that he be such a condescending idiot who's only life is smoking cigarettes and telling me and my grandmother when we've gone through so much that our problems mean nothing and we should stop pity parting ourselves.

 

The dead beat known as my father....when we've gone through so much that our problems mean nothing and we should stop pity parting ourselves.

I feel you. i think there comes a point where we need to stop gathering our sense of self from our parents view of us and our lives. Parents are flawed, subtly and not-so-subtly messed up creatures like everyone else with their own view of the way things should be . We can never really become individuals if we do not choose our own path and our own reality. We have to build up our own positive images of ourselves by putting energy into ourselves for the betterment of ourselves.

Its often a lost cause, i think, to get parents to understand us in exactly the way we want to be understood. I believe sons and daughters need to be free from the fear of dis-approval from their parents once we have reached adult hood (and this is primarily up to us to come to terms with). Otherwise we never really leave the 'nest', maybe we do physically, but not psychologically.

Religion is a particularly sticky and tricky area of neurotic philosophy when combined with parents. Sometimes all you can do is humor those types of people if you want to have a relationship with them. Your dad is captain of his own ship, he can believe whatever he wants, and you are captain of yours. I think we can still sail alongside our loved ones even when we have radically different life philosophy's. We just have to avoid trying to tell them how to run things on their ship. Once you start trying to impose your egos on each other it quickly gets difficult to relate.

 

My Dad thinks I'm a failure at basically everything, but I stopped caring mid way through high school.

In my senior year of University now, I barely talk to him any more.

Parents (and anyone you are close to) are either a positive or a negative influence in your life. If they are negative, then you need to learn to stop relying on them to feel good about yourself.

 

my father did, but not my mom. Hated it.

 

My parents have always talked to me sarcastically and condescendingly. I've grown quite paranoid of having them do so that I try to avoid them as much as I can because if they witness me making the TINIEST little mistake, they will not pass the opportunity to amuse themselves and debase me. They don't think it's much...they think what they're doing is harmless play. But I've always been hurt by it.

 

Yeah, my father.

 

They did and still do...and wonder why I don't visit much.

 

Same here.

I used to believe that once I graduated from college and got a job they'd start taking me seriously and treat me more like an adult--but they don't. I'm willing to accept it and deal with it from my dad, who talks down to everybody he ever comes into contact with (especially if they are women), but it gets very frustrating when my mom does it too.

Like many people here there's nothing I would like better than a good, adult relationship with my parents, but I honestly don't ever see that happening. Then again, people are capable of change....it's hard to not hold out some hope that maybe one day they'll see me as a capable adult. In the meantime, though, I do plan to keep away from them as much as possible. It's way too stressful for me to be around them right now.

 

My dad would always try to compete with me. I'd mention that I was interested in something and he'd go out of his way to learn more about it than I knew. He also occasionally belittled the most important experiences I had. I had a kick in the eye type spiritual epiphany that gave me insight into the nature of reality that I have never had before and that I take to be one of the most important experiences of my life. The first time I mentioned it to him he sounded fascinated so I kept going with it. Then a few days later in passing he called it bull****. I was crushed. I guess was always sort of been seeking his validation. He divorced my mom and got remarried then shortly after that stopped talking to me and blamed it on my inability to get my life together (I was freshly out of college, who the hell has their life together when they're freshly out of college?). For years I refused to be the first one to cave in, saying to myself and people who asked that I wasn't willing to grovel at his feet asking if I'd gotten my life together enough to rekindle our relationship yet. The last year I went to the Burning Man festival, where there is a big temple where people put letters to people who've passed away or to people they want to leave message to but for some reason can't/won't do it in person. I started crying and realized that I didn't even know if my dad was still alive. I told myself when I got home I'd email him. Luckily he still checks the same email he did 7 or so years ago so we've gotten back in contact. It turns out he was wanting to get in touch with me too. But, probably for the same reasons, he hadn't.

 

Great to hear. Thanks for sharing that.

Sounds like your dad probably had his own reasons which you'll probably never know for acting like such an *** on that occasion. Setting your ego aside out of love/respect after some bitter dispute to make an un-selfish attempt to re-establish fair and respectful communication is the most you can do to try and save a friendship (if it even makes sense to attempt to do so). In this situation I think the first person to "surrender" in this way is the 'moral victor' however this shouldn't be a source of pride obviously.

 

My mother mostly. It's just I wish she'd have a firm even tone with me instead of this high screechy one.

 

Yes, very much so, and they still do sometimes when I talk to them (which isn't too often). The worst part is that it's obviously all well-meaning, so I can't even be angry at them about it. :lol

But seriously, I think it might have somehow exacerbated the overly timid, apologetic personality I developed.

 

and that i have to follow their high standards with everything even if i know i wont make it , ill just do it just to satisfy them. yet i FAIL again like the other 100+ times , on mtv their was this girl they followed and she said something ill never forget at a point she didn't know what to do with life no jobs and stuff she said "I SUCK AT LIFE" lol every time i say that sentence i smile because its so true.

 

All the time. Nothing I do is good enough.

 

My dad can be pretty condescending in a non-chalant yet non spiteful way. He doesn't mean to yet he still acts a certain way and doesn't even have a clue. Pretty much undermining whatever I do and thinking I'm not capable of much since I come across as shy and probably a dimwit to him. Well, not a dimwit, but pretty darn incapable.

Example: I had to drive someone to the emergency room in a somewhat serious situation. Later, over the phone, not knowing what to say, the first question he asks is, "Oh. How did you even know how to get to the emergency room?" As if I was four years old and clueless. I figured there was a hospital and there was an emergency room so there, I did it. Oh yeah, and today he doubted that I even knew how to drive to the airport (something which I've never done) and whaddaya know, I drove to the fricken airport to pick up a relative of mine. Not so incapable now, huh. But he'll never know, cuz I'll never really say anything and he won't realize it. :/

 

Yes

If like Im an idiot counts then yes. My mom talks to me like that, and I dont mean as in being overprotective or whatever, I mean talking to me with this baby talk sounding voice if you can even call it that. I almost told her to just stop today because it pisses me off and maybe partly my fault for that but Im not one to confront people, I just dont like getting into arguments. But I think she knows it pisses me off and I wonder if she figures if she cant treat me like crap and put these ridiculous standards on me like she used to she has to talk to me like Im a dummy. But I dont even like talking to her because of it because I know Ill be talked down to. AND I APOLOGIZE IF THIS TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE THREAD, yes I searched up this topic and I needed to get it out. And sorry for the caps I just want people to get that part lol.

 

Sometimes. Everyone in my family did it. My dad actually used to eat my ice cream for me when it was melting. Clearly he thought I was too stupid to do it myself.

That's why I give my family no attention these days. They don't deserve it, not if they are going to treat me like I'm some kind of incompetent, idiotic fool. That's why I barely asked them for help as a kid because I was smart enough to learn things on my own.