Same boat. Been working on knocking it off. Being desperate for acceptance and doing just anything for it doesn't get you anywhere or anything but trouble from what I learned from personal experiences.

Just curious -- what was it like for you growing up? Abusive household? Neglected emotionally?

 

My parents and siblings hit me with objects like belts, tree switches, phones, large spoons,etc. Once my mother choked me. Emotionally my parents were/are dead. My sister was murdered when I was four so that really puts a damper on my early childhood. My family is very outspoken and doesn't care about hurting peoples feelings. So I've been bullied & teased at home as well as school.

 

I'm very sorry to hear *hugs*

I came from a similar household. Was always beaten for no reason, or stupid reasons. Thinking back, I'm just quite shocked because I had pretty bad health problems as well, and I couldn't afford to be kicked around, but my parents did so anyway.

Emotionally, my parents are dead too. Or should I say -- "parents."

But back to your topic though, it's kind of hard to give advice in a situation such as this. All I've ever been told though is to do what makes YOU happy. Easier said than done I guess since in the back of our minds, we still want people to be proud of us and whatnot. But others can see if we're being a little too much as well, and that's just going to lead them to just not caring about us at all from what I've noticed.

People (particularly those who are extroverts) are attracted to those who have confidence with themselves.. I believe that is something we each have to work on. Yes there are idiots out there who try to change your mind on things, and do things their way to make them happy etc but... don't do things that make you feel so unsure about yourselves. When that happens, I know that there's a part of me that "clicks" saying.. hey I'm skeptical about this and that... yet I still wanna do it just to make so and so happy. That is no good at all.

I guess I make it sound easier than it really is. But.. it does take time and effort to appreciate ourselves, and not have the need to look outside for approval, etc. I'm still trying to discover myself as well. It's hard when you've grown up in such a household. I still live here even ha... trying to find work to move out.

In the mean time, I just try to put my focus on me. And I suggest you do the same. Be the kind of person you wanna be (the wise kind obviously), and I'm sure it'll get you far.

Also , don't self pity. Not saying you are, but.. the more I let the fact that my family despises me etc, the more it annoys people and they see that themselves as well. They're sure as hell not blind.

I think this turned into an essay. Just something I wanted to let out about myself too as I'm struggling like you are.

I wish you the very best If you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM.

On to positive things though -- is there ANYTHING you like about yourself? What are you good at? Any interests in particular? Music, etc? I'd say maybe start off with those things when it comes to discovering yourself.

 

I'm sorry to hear that about yourself as well. Thanks for the advice. Sure there are a few things I like about myself and moments when I'm proud of who I am. Like my interests in films, books, and music. My family really hates that I'm openminded about anything esp. music because I'm black. They think I should just listen to R&B, Rap, and Hip-Hop but I listen to any and everything basically.