Don't worry about your family.
It's not the end of the world.
Hope keeps us all alive. If you are not happy, try to change your situation. For most of us, it's not the problem that is the problem. It's our perception of the problem. Our worried mind. We make it worse.

Can you honestly say to yourself "I have tried my hardest to go out there and meet people and meet life's challenges?"

Above all don't beat yourself up. Create a voice in your head which encourages" Well I failed there but I did give it my best shot" for example.

I've been happiest in life when I motivate myself with music and fitness.
What makes life worth living for you?

 

Most of my old friends are married with kids now, and heres me still with no girlfriend ever. I cant bring myself to speak to them anymore because of this, so in turn my social anxiety gets worse and i become even more isolated. Its just do damn humiliating...

Yep, it can feed on itself. I think that's why my SAD was far worse in my 30s than my 20s. In my 20s I had girlfriends and there are less expectations of you (you're still considered young). But not in your 30s, they expect you to be in a relationship and to have made something of yourself (whatever that means). Having said that, I spent most of my 30s doing stuff that I could have never done if I was married and had kids with family responsibilities (e.g. a lot of travel, hiking, reading/writing, attending/auditing courses, training, etc). Those things are a lot harder to do if you are married with kids, mortgage and a full-time job. I think there's benefits to being single if you take advantage of it. I still hate hanging out with married couples.

 

I know how you feel nemesis1 well kind of, we can only walk in our own shoes after all! I've had a few girlfriends [kind of] never really got much further than kissing though. Plus snogs in nightclubs drunk with random girls [so what?]

Since I've turned 30 I've had zero chances with anyone, it's probably more to do with how isolated I've become with reasons similar to your own. It is embarrassing and a constant frustration, but I've sort of got used to things now.
As for my family they think I LOVE being like this and don't give a crap about having a girlfriend. It couldn't be any further from the truth really, also most people I knew at work and old friends now assume I must be gay and avoid me.

Oh well, things won't "suddenly" change for the better now, should I still feel a twinkle of hope?... Can't expect things to just happen anyway, need to get my crap together and get back out there! Pfft easier said than done.:sigh

 

I know how you feel nemesis1 well kind of, we can only walk in our own shoes after all! I've had a few girlfriends [kind of] never really got much further than kissing though. Plus snogs in nightclubs drunk with random girls [so what?]

Since I've turned 30 I've had zero chances with anyone, it's probably more to do with how isolated I've become with reasons similar to your own. It is embarrassing and a constant frustration, but I've sort of got used to things now.
As for my family they think I LOVE being like this and don't give a crap about having a girlfriend. It couldn't be any further from the truth really, also most people I knew at work and old friends now assume I must be gay and avoid me.

Oh well, can't expect things to suddenly change for the better now, should I still feel a twinkle of hope?... Can't expect things to just happen anyway, need to get my crap together and get back out there! Pfft easier said than done.:sigh

Your post resonated with me. I think my family think the same as yours, that i choose to keep myself in this perma-single situation, which like you couldnt be further from the truth. Theres nothing i would want more than to be in a long term relationship with a nice girl. And it seems the older i get, the more rarer chances with women become.

I'm not bothered about getting married and having kids, hell i cant even begin to think about that kind of stuff when ive never even had a girlfriend before. It isnt normal for a guy my age to have no relationship history at all, and im constantly worried about what people think of me because of it.

Yep, it can feed on itself. I think that's why my SAD was far worse in my 30s than my 20s. In my 20s I had girlfriends and there are less expectations of you (you're still considered young). But not in your 30s, they expect you to be in a relationship and to have made something of yourself (whatever that means). Having said that, I spent most of my 30s doing stuff that I could have never done if I was married and had kids with family responsibilities (e.g. a lot of travel, hiking, reading/writing, attending/auditing courses, training, etc). Those things are a lot harder to do if you are married with kids, mortgage and a full-time job. I think there's benefits to being single if you take advantage of it. I still hate hanging out with married couples.

I feel as though ive gone as far as i can as a single person. I try to enjoy being single by doing stuff that people in relationships/with kids....etc wouldnt be able to do. But now ive had enough of doing these things alone, i want to be able to enjoy these things with a partner. But the older i get, the more and more unlikely it seems that thats going to happen.

 

Remember it's worse for women in their 30's because time is running out for them to have children.

 

Assuming they really want children. I still don't understand why so many people have this need to have children?

 

A friend of mine is 49, single and still never married. He's been dating someone for 6 months though. He worries about never finding Mrs Right but when it comes to the crunch, he's too fussy, they don't meet his criteria. He had a lot of dates and introductions thru the net if that is any help to you.
He's not strikingly handsome and a cleaner by trade. There's hope for everyone if you ask me.

 

This will probably be me in a year.

 

This will be me in a decade.

I'm 20. I had a number of girls interested in me back in high school and I was interested in them too, but I didn't know how to handle it, so I just shrugged them off...come to think of it, I still don't know how to handle it should the occasion rise again. And now my SA problem is worse, so I'm not really around girls anymore.

On the bright side (well, not exactly bright), two of the said girls ended up pregnant as sophomores in college. So perhaps I dodged a bullet?

 

Yep, I'm in the same boat. Can totally relate to that "gone as far as I can as a single person." I have more time on my hands than ever, but things I used to enjoy doing now feel so hollow. I never thought that this would happen. I'm no longer that 20 y.o. reclusive who relished in making music in his bedroom alone... who loved watching deep films alone, or drinking alone to a favourite album... or just going for a long lone walk with good tunes. I just can't be bothered any more... these activities depress/bore me. I'd rather just share these experiences with a women I love. We can collaborate musically, watch films together, get drunk together etc... I'd probably even start to enjoy and crave nerdy/loner hobbies again, given that I'd have balance.

The grass is always greener, and I know I'd likely be frustrated in a relationship too (she'd hate the music I like, think the film was boring, we'd argue yaddayadda), but the fantasy version just feels so right at this point in my life.

Anyway, I'm 30 in 3 months. I have a wedding soon that is just going to be so embarrassing on the relationship/partner side of things (I'm one of the groomsmen). I'll be an insecure mess all night, scared of the bridesmaid's etc. Like you, I tend to avoid social events to avoid the embarrassment. My old friends know I'm the weird guy who never has a girlfriend. I haven't even seen them for 2 years. The invite was just addressed to me, not "CeilingStarer and partner" so I guess they assume nothings changed.

Sick of the struggle...

 

Yep, I'm in the same boat. Can totally relate to that "gone as far as I can as a single person." I have more time on my hands than ever, but things I used to enjoy doing now feel so hollow. I never thought that this would happen. I'm no longer that 20 y.o. reclusive who relished in making music in his bedroom alone... who loved watching deep films alone, or drinking alone to a favourite album... or just going for a long lone walk with good tunes. I just can't be bothered any more... these activities depress/bore me. I'd rather just share these experiences with a women I love. We can collaborate musically, watch films together, get drunk together etc... I'd probably even start to enjoy and crave nerdy/loner hobbies again, given that I'd have balance.

The grass is always greener, and I know I'd likely be frustrated in a relationship too (she'd hate the music I like, think the film was boring, we'd argue yaddayadda), but the fantasy version just feels so right at this point in my life.

Anyway, I'm 30 in 3 months. I have a wedding soon that is just going to be so embarrassing on the relationship/partner side of things (I'm one of the groomsmen). I'll be an insecure mess all night, scared of the bridesmaid's etc. Like you, I tend to avoid social events to avoid the embarrassment. My old friends know I'm the weird guy who never has a girlfriend. I haven't even seen them for 2 years. The invite was just addressed to me, not "CeilingStarer and partner" so I guess they assume nothings changed.

Sick of the struggle...

I feel for you, mate. :kiss :squeeze I'm 33yo and single at the moment. I have had relationships in the past but none worked out... :sigh

 

Relationships can be hard. I'd rather be single from all the problems I've been having this year. But honestly don't wait for the perfect woman to come along or someone better cos it may never happen. Don't feel ashamed. Have you tried any internet dating websites to meet any girls?

 

I was a member of a dating site mainly to see how many responses i'd get, and to my shock i got a few. What i found that after one message they stopped replying for some reason.

It was a dating site for ''shy'' people but to be honest most seemed anything but shy describing themselves liking partying.

 

I'm deliberately vague or exaggerate (well, lie about it, I guess!) previous "relationships". Relationships being a euphamism for drunken snogs, shags and holiday flirting.

People do ask "Why are you single?", etc. I think the answer becomes very obvious soon enough.

 

I've been in relationships so not quite the same, but not many and separated with enough length to be dreadfully short of experience. I think it feels like it gets worse and harder as the years progress, because it feels like the older you are the more you should know. I'm paranoid about my current girlfriend because I'm sure after this I won't have any more chances. It 'feels' like a last hurrah.

 

Same here nemisis1, I've heard people say in hushed voices refering to me "how can someone never date anyone?, makes me think theres something wrong with them."
Yes its very painful, & I tend to agree. Which in turn feeds my SA as well.

I hope you try not to let it get you down, easier said than done. But heres hoping against hope for poor souls like us.

 

Same here nemisis1, I've heard people say in hushed voices refering to me "how can someone never date anyone?, makes me think theres something wrong with them."
Yes its very painful, & I tend to agree. Which in turn feeds my SA as well.

I hope you try not to let it get you down, easier said than done. But heres hoping against hope for poor souls like us.

Yeah people assume that everyone should be in a relationship. Some people used to ask me how come i don't have a girlfriend which in some ways was a compliment but it made me feel hurt, and reminded me of my inability to ask women out.

 

Yeah it's depressing and embarassing. I hear other people talking about how many ex's they have and this and that, and i feel ashamed that i haven't even had one girlfriend.

I feel like a freak, and being in public places and seeing couples makes it worse....Everyone else seem to have a significant other regardless of their age, looks, personalities....It sucks!

Because seeing people with others makes me feel inadequate and envious i avoid going to public places which in turn makes my social anxiety worse.

The worst thing is being an involinatary celibate. I'm not asexual (though i sometimes wish i was as it would be easier) i yearn for a woman to love me back which never happens (i love them but they never love me in return....Wahey for the friend zone:|)

 

it's never too late

 

Lots of people of your generation are getting married later in life. It's just sort of the trend. I also see lots of young women who have their degrees and who are working there way up the corporate ladder. I see a lot of guys who don't have degrees and don't have girlfriends and play Warcraft all the time. The only way they would meet a girl is if she knocked on his door and interrupted his Warcraft game. I sound cyncial but in my world that is what's happening.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is there are a lot of people who don't have SA who are sort of in the same boat as you.

True. I don't put myself in the position to meet anyone, i'm kid of living in hope that the unlikely scenario of a woman knocking on my door will happen....But in truth i am avoiding meeting people because of my severe low self esteem.

 

I joined OKcupid a while back. Lots of nice, real people on there i wouldn't mind sharing a conversation with. I thought maybe....
Then i tried my best to come up with an honest profile "about me". Oh dear God.
Account deleted.
Sigh.

 

nemesis .. All I can say is that I feel your pain. Please hang in there .. When you finally do meet someone, it should be an awesome relationship, and you'll have no regrets about keeping your standards.

 

Though I experienced a couple of very ill-fated relationships in my early 20's, over the last few years I've become so withdrawn that attaining another relationship will be extremely difficult. For a while I considered joining a dating site called The Ugly Bug Ball, which is supposed to be a dating site for people that consider themselves unattractive. To my great disappointment, though, every person there looked like they were plucked from the heady foam of Zeus, so I didn't join.

 

Thanks for the replies.

I'm wondering if any of you guys who are in a similar position to me have considered finding a partner from a 'lesser developed' country? This is something im thinking about. It seems to be much easier for guys from the developed parts of the world to find girlfriends from poorer countries. I know a few guys who always struggled with dating and are now married, one is married to a Russian girl, the other is married to a girl from the Phillipines. South American girls are pretty hot, maybe i should go over there sometime.

 

Well I would worry if they're really genuine and love me, opposed to just after my money [lol] or wanting to gain citizenship here. If they wanted to move here of course, I wouldn't mind emigrating away...nothing for me to stay here for except my parents.

I'm trying on PlentyOfFish again at the moment, chatting to 4 women on there so something might come of it this time. Or probably not, still have to actually meet up and stuff.

 

It feels like a lost cause x1000. At this point I'm just trying to come to grips with the fact that I'll be single for life, and get on with living it the only way I know how. It sucks, but it's reality.

 

I'll be 30 in 5 years

I'm not looking forward to it at all

I still feel 16 honestly

 

I have given up on relationships. It's clear that I will never have one, except in my dreams.

 

I wouldnt give up just yet man, keep trying

 

I had some girls interested in me in the past, although i wasnt really interested in them so turned them down hoping something better would come.

Well, you did have the opportunity. You can't go back in time, but learn from this....

 

Ah... Another birthday in less than three weeks, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.. I definitely won't have a girlfriend by that time.. somehow that wish never came true.. alas.. having the dating experience of an 8th grader is quite depressing.. so many things to consider now, with the adult dating world, the kid-dating world having totally passed me by..

 

33 in a couple of weeks and in the same boat....so depressed right now. I wanna just disappear and wish I was never born. I hate and ashamed of myself...trust me you're not alone

 

I'm 25 but that's old enough and I know how you guys feel...most people even lose their virginity at 17.

I don't like lying about this...specially to coworkers....but otherwise I would be considered a weirdo and stop respecting me.

 

I know what you mean. Because of some bad experiences as a teenager I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24 years old, & I haven't had sex since & I'm now 33 years old. I don't talk about sex with anyone, & if someone brings it up I lie or I change the subject all together. Because you're right it is embarrassing, I wish it wasn't but it is.