I totally have this. There's a sort of conflict between wanting attention and being afraid of it...In fact I've done some bad things in my life for attention, despite the fact they were very anxiety-causing and everyone thought I was acting totally out of character. I feel like if only I could show my true personality without the SA then I would be so much more popular. I'm not happy with always being the one who is ignored or forgotten and left out, although most people seem to think I am happy that way.

I think a lot of people with SA have this problem though...

 

It sounds like you're an extrovert at heart, which might make it harder to deal with SA. I'm a complete introvert, but I feel like this a lot. I need someone to acknowledge me to feel like I'm worth anything, but I want to melt into the walls when I actually get attention. It's a reassurance thing for me, to know I still somewhat exist, even if I am a little insane. When I come home, it's like making up for all the attention I didn't get at school.

 

Did you have a parent that you didn't get along with and they ignored you when they were upset? If so, you might be trying to fix that relationship with your parent - although you'll never get enough attention if that is the case. If this is the case, a therapist can help a lot talking through it.

I find myself attracted to insecure and angry people. It's taken me a long time to figure this out. I'm working with a therapist and finding out these people all have traits of my Mom that I didn't like. It's helping me a lot to talk about this and stop driving myself nuts about this.

 

I love/want attention too.

 

I shun attention.

 

I am definently like this; I fear attention, yet many times I crave it as well. I get depressed when nobody calls me all day, or when I log into my email or myspace and find I have no new messages. I know people are busy but it still bothers me, mostly because I just feel as though nobody really appreciates me (although in reality that's probably not true, it just feels that way to me).

 

This happens to me too. Sometimes I complain of getting too much attention from people, but once I stop getting attention completely, I feel sad about it.

 

I'm like this too. I see other charismatic people making everyone laugh and drawing people to them, more than anything I wish I was like that.
Yet whenever I do get any kind of attention drawn to me I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I think I just want to be a different person altogether x_x

 

Re: re: attention-seeker

I shun attention.

I think it depends on what kind of attention it is. I do like some kind of attention. I don't want to be completely ignored. It's like I don't want to be in the spotlight or the center of attention, but I do want to be recognized. Kinda hard to explain. I think most of us seek attention to a certain extent, some more than others...

 

I fear alot of attention, but I don't want people to think that I don't exist either. I just feel like nobody really notices me.

There was some guy trying to peer over my shoulder at HMV the other day to see what CD's I was getting. I like this kind of attention.

 

I'm like this too. I see other charismatic people making everyone laugh and drawing people to them, more than anything I wish I was like that.
Yet whenever I do get any kind of attention drawn to me I feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I think I just want to be a different person altogether x_x

Registered just so I could say this, so...first post, I guess.

If I'm around the same people long enough to get reasonably comfortable with them (which takes ages, I might add), I am naturally good at making jokes and making people laugh. I don't feel I am doing any better socially than those on this forum who can't do this.

I'm the one who makes jokes. Nobody ever thinks that I might have anything deeper to say, or that I make people laugh to cover my own insecurities. Many of my jokes are used as a way out of revealing my true feelings on a given subject.

Everybody around me seems to be developing these deep, meaningful friendships and relationships, and I'm just someone in the background that people remember vaguely as 'the funny guy', or most often I'm not remembered at all.

If I'm invited anywhere, and this happens extremely rarely, it's as an afterthought. I know very few people, and I have a feeling most of those would have difficulty remembering my name without a couple of tries.

Lurking around this board, I've seen the same things come up a lot - many people attach importance to a single characteristic, saying that if they improved that one thing they'd be fine. I wish that were true, but I have a bad feeling it's far more complicated than that for most people.

Sorry for the depressing note in this post; it's been one of those weeks. The kind that happens every week.

 

i'm with shindig. Don’t be deceived by those extroverted people. I can talk to anyone ( ok almost anyone) but that doesn't mean the anxiety is none existent. If I say/ do something that i think is stupid while around people- after the fact, it's like the world is ending. i make such a big deal about it.
and i've never had close friends in my entire life. just because everyone's paying attention to you doesn't mean they actually care about you. You’re not their most cherished friend just because you can entertain them.

 

I fucking hate attention. I push anyone away who tries to get to know me.

 

i love attention from my friends or people i want to be friends with, my boyfriend says i strive for attention, i often dont get any though, but i really hate attention from strangers and people i dont want to know

 

I worked with my therapist for ages on this. He called it 'approval addiction' and it can be really tough to break.

I made a big dent in it with CBT and reading Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy, which has a whole section on this.

Basically I'd grown up unable to give myself the pats on the back I deserve, and it all has to come from the outside. Part of overcoming it for me has been working to incorporate more learning experiences (that can bring a sense of accomplishment) and 'me alone' time into my life to prove to myself I can experience happiness when I'm alone.
Examples have been learning the guitar and taking myself alone to theatres and shows. Terrifying at first but quite rewarding when I realised people weren;t staring at me.

I've also tried to understand what exactly it is I am scared of if I DON'T get approval, and deciding if I'm really right in those thoughts, plus creating a cost/benefit analysis of trying really hard to impress people. How does it benefit me, and how does it hurt me?

Ross