Just remember that friends will come and go during your lifetime. You may lose a friend, but there may be one waiting for you around the next corner.

 

yes I don't like my newly met friends either. I joined this music class a few months ago, that ends tomorrow actually, and I'd been feeling so good I'd landed in a group of like minded people my age group. But now feeling discouraged. I don't feel supported by them...and considering checking out a different class. I'm feeling I need people who are more "evolved" ahaha. More mature, who can actually be supportive to me. I was burned bc I asked one gal if maybe she could coach me a little over the summer, and I feel another woman in the group influenced her to not want to. And so it's not supportive to me. I feel angry and also question if it's a good group for me.

 

wow you're in Wales?!!! My grandfather on my dad's side was from Wales! So cool! : )

 

thats exactly how i feel with my friends. we used to be close, but now we've slowly drifted apart. the only reason i hang out with them is cause i feel like i need to hold on to at least a few friends instead of having zero.....

 

At least I'm not the only one .____. I used to try and convince myself that we were as close as ever but realised I was just kidding myself. I always think to myself that I've made three sets of new friends in four years so I can easily do it again, I just hate the start of friendships.

Kaye: I'm from South Wales about 20 miles from Cardiff, where does your grandfather live?

 

Me and my best friend also drifted apart in the last year and now he's kind of a jerk. Another of my friends started doing drugs and partying and now is an ******* who avoids me and thinks he's better then me. My other two friends are nice but I don't feel we really click so your not the only one.

 

I have been lucky enough to have the same best friend for 12 years. Aside from having so many idiosyncrasies in common, we both suffer from Anxiety and specifically SA.

I can't say I've made good friends throughout high school and college though. I've met some people, but I find every excuse to not hang out with them. I don't really like them. They have no concept of life or the "real world". They live by means of their parents, and I just having nothing to say when I get around them. Also, I don't find criticizing people who are unlike you to be a funny thing.

 

I know how you feel. I have just one friend. Or i don't even know can i call her my friend because we have never been very close. Still we have been friends since childhood in spite of that fact that we don't have anything in common. She's social and likes everything that i dislike. She doesn't understand me and my social anxiety and it really makes me hate her because she has always left me alone. She knows that i don't have friends expect her because of my SA but still she contacts me only then when her other friends aren't available. She doesn't care how it insults me.
And when we finally meet we don't have anything to talk about expect some 85629 years old things from comprehensive school.
Meeting her always gets me so down that i have started to think why i even see her. Maybe i still somehow like her.

 

I hate them too... I don't even want to call them my friends anymore because I dislike them so much, I cannot relate to them at all. I used to be best friends with this one girl, but I moved away for a year and she found a new friend. She is obviously way more happy with that girl than me, and the past couple of years we've slowly drifted apart and now I just hate them both.

 

i have one problem with just one of my friends. i clearly cannot stand him. ive known him 2 years and we are best friends, but in the back of my mind i dont know why im even friends with him. the problem is i really hate him, i dont know why, i cant stand to be next to him or anything. he just really pisses me off, and i just cant explain it why.

 

Yeah, totally agree. Friends can be so spacey, and i think a lot of it has to deal with social anxiety. Maybe we all see things in different perspectives then everyone else. But it deffinetly feels like friends are way to distant. I feel for you!

 

ive always hated any group of friends ive had. in highschool i used to hang around with 2 popular and socialable kids. i always felt extremely uncomfortable around them but they stook with me. i felt like i was holding them back though so one day i let them free and they went on to hang around with a massive group of people - all of the other socialable kids. i then started hanging around with these losers that i knew from primary school. they were all weird and we didnt have anything in common. i had the same interest as the socialable kids- i belonged with them but i couldnt relax around them. i had nothing in common with my new loser friends but i felt comfortable around them so thats were i stayed.

when i left highschool i joined a new group of freinds and hated them but again i felt comfortable around them so i stayed with them. i felt too uncomfortable around the people that i liked so i had to stick with people who if it werent for my anxiety i would never be friends with

my freinds have always been a group of people who dont fit in anywere else so they all come together cos theyve got nowere else to go or nothing better to do. that is a bad recipe for friendships. nobody wants to be with each other but they do so out of nessecity .

i see people now who are still together as friends, the same group of friends still together from over 10 years ago. thats becasue they were propper friends and they all liked each other. i havent seen any of my former friends for years and thats becasue we were never truly firends in the first place

 

Hating your friend because you've drifted apart due to lack of common interests is strange to me.

 

Some of my friends are not as social as I would like them to be but who am I to judge? Nobody is perfect I'm sure I've done things to turn people off. I'm happy people stand by me despite this.

 

Yeah, I agree with you about disliking your friends. I've been "best friends" with my buddy for about 2 years now, and we live quite a while away (45 mins) but still I'd appreciate a call every once in a while, yet I don't receive one. My other buddy, he calls me literally just to brag about the time he spends with my other friends and I get so annoyed, called him out on it.. nothing. He didn't stop, so all I can think about is cutting them out of my life. All they do is upset me, ignore me, etc. so I don't see the point in keeping negative influences in my life if all they're going to do is treat me like some second-hand friend. (BTW, I'm new here as you can probably tell.. I recently just stumbled onto this forum as I too have social anxiety, my name is Jake. Greetings. )

 

same here. me and my friend kinda drifted apart too. she always hangs out with her other two friends now, and sometimes i feel like she only talks to me when she's waiting for her other friends to come. and she acts differently around her other friends and i feel a bit left out in her little circle of friends. and i find it really uncomfortable to talk to her now, since she's changed so much and we're not as close as how we used to be. i dun like how she talks a lot and laugh a lot with her friends but not with me. it makes me feel like im such a boring person to hang out with.

 

omg are you me? That's the same exact situation I'm in, too. It's even worse for me because we used to be best friends and she was the only person besides my family I used to hang out regulary with. /;

 

I really can relate. I hate my friends too. My husband is my best friend. I'm friends with my husband's wife, but she's bossy and needy. We don't have much in common, and she's smothering. Her only friends are me and this other girl whom my husband is friends with. This other girl whom my husband's friend's wife is also friends with, is nicer, but I don't connect with her well either. Both girls seem to talk to me about all their problems, but won't listen or understand mine. I've been friends with them for three years. My other friend, I've been friends with her for nine years, met her in college, but she's flakey. She has social anxiety too but it's like she doesn't understand the problems with my other friends and she gets caught up in her problems. Also my husband's friends' wife doesn't know this girl but doesn't like her 'cause she's flakey, and my husband doesn't like her either, that doesn't help. I'm very compassionate and will listen, but I feel bad when I see others who have friendships that are compatible and have that bond. I get jealous when I see comments on fb from my sister-in-law's best friend and "sister" since Kindergarden to my sister-in-law saying "I love you my BFF" or "I love you my girlfriend", it makes me want to have that friendship too. I used to have those kind of friendships, but my parents didn't like them so I couldn't hang out with them anymore, and now we haven't been talking for years because we've changed and the friendship was damaged. Glad I'm not the only one.

 

haha I meant I'm friends with my husband's friend's wife.

 

I feel the EXACT same way, but I don't have a problem with it. I prefer it.

 

I did when I actually went out with them 1-2 years ago. I knew some of them would act like ****s with me if they weren't friends with the people who I actually liked as they acted like dicks before they started hanging round them.

 

How did you find him as a friend? Perhaps you could use that same method to find others like you?

 

Me too

That's how I feel all the time around my friends now. We've started high school and now I just hate it. They never ask me to hang out with them anymore even though they hangout all the time. Their hanging out together right now actully.

 

I had the same situation by the time I was 15/16. By my final year in high school they had finally stopped calling me and I was glad. I can tell you these two things...

- There is no downside to ending the relationship and taking a greater control of your life. If you feel it's "right" to have a group of friends, it's not. Friendship is built on trust and positivity/liking each other. Being "friends" with them is wearing a mask, it's not you

- To me the single most important thing people with SA can do is to try and live with love and not hate towards people. It's not easy, but the next time you think negative people around these friends or others, give it a try to flip the switch and love the people around you. It might not work but keep it in your mind

 

you and me both.
someday soon i will punch someones teeth out

 

I have mixed feelings about my friends.

We were a close knit group in high school and saw each other every day, which was nice. I've managed to stay relatively close to two of them since, with the rest I barely talk to (but if I ever saw them we'd catch up a bit).

Going to school out of state sucked as far as friendships go (everything else was nice about living on my own), made a ton of friends my freshman year in Chicago and that was probably the height of my social life. People moving off campus along with a few rough events and just like that, all my college friends vanished by my junior year. I still keep in contact with one of them since moving back home but I'm sure the rest of my college "friends" don't even remember me anymore.

So with this in mind, I found it rather difficult to hang around friends in two distant cities. I grew further apart from my hometown friends along with the struggle to keep my college friends made me a total loner by my junior year.

So I've pretty much stuck with these three since graduating college, and I have to say I don't even feel close to them.

One lives in Chicago, so obviously I can only communicate from a distance

Among the remaining two
One works and goes to school and rarely has time to do anything, he used to go out with me on the weekends and we'd have fun but that hasn't happened much lately, I don't know if he's avoiding me or if he's just really busy...afraid to ask, not that I'd get a straight answer anyway

The last one is someone I was friends with in high school, I also got him a job where I work so I see him every day. However I always suspected that he has something of a double life, he never talks about it but it's obvious that he has two separate groups of friends.


I would like to meet new people, people that I can go out with and have fun but I really don't know how to do that. Making friends was easier in high school, sitting with each other all day it was easier to start something. In college, we all lived in the same dorm area and didn't know each other, which made it easy to get together, introduce ourselves, and have a good time. Now it just seems impossible to find people with my interests. I love dance clubs but I'm afraid to go up to a group of people and start talking with them.

TL;DR
I'm holding onto old friends because I don't know a good way to make new ones

 

I have mixed feelings about my friends.

We were a close knit group in high school and saw each other every day, which was nice. I've managed to stay relatively close to two of them since, with the rest I barely talk to (but if I ever saw them we'd catch up a bit).

Going to school out of state sucked as far as friendships go (everything else was nice about living on my own), made a ton of friends my freshman year in Chicago and that was probably the height of my social life. People moving off campus along with a few rough events and just like that, all my college friends vanished by my junior year. I still keep in contact with one of them since moving back home but I'm sure the rest of my college "friends" don't even remember me anymore.

So with this in mind, I found it rather difficult to hang around friends in two distant cities. I grew further apart from my hometown friends along with the struggle to keep my college friends made me a total loner by my junior year.

So I've pretty much stuck with these three since graduating college, and I have to say I don't even feel close to them.

One lives in Chicago, so obviously I can only communicate from a distance

Among the remaining two
One works and goes to school and rarely has time to do anything, he used to go out with me on the weekends and we'd have fun but that hasn't happened much lately, I don't know if he's avoiding me or if he's just really busy...afraid to ask, not that I'd get a straight answer anyway

The last one is someone I was friends with in high school, I also got him a job where I work so I see him every day. However I always suspected that he has something of a double life, he never talks about it but it's obvious that he has two separate groups of friends.

I would like to meet new people, people that I can go out with and have fun but I really don't know how to do that. Making friends was easier in high school, sitting with each other all day it was easier to start something. In college, we all lived in the same dorm area and didn't know each other, which made it easy to get together, introduce ourselves, and have a good time. Now it just seems impossible to find people with my interests. I love dance clubs but I'm afraid to go up to a group of people and start talking with them.

TL;DR
I'm holding onto old friends because I don't know a good way to make new ones

This is really close to my situation.I hung out with 2 friends from high school a lot but then i went to uni 2 1/2 hours away and they stayed home to go to CC. We didnt really keep in touch that much mainly because i had an awesome freshman year and made a bunch of friends and wanted to leave high school in the past altogether. But now, my junior year those friends have transferred or we drifted apart. This past summer i didnt hang out with my high school friends since we pretty much drifted apart, one of them was really controlling and bossy and the other one was too much of a follower. I think i officially have only one friend but she lives off campus and i only see her twice a week. My former friend is one of my roommates right now and even thought we live together i talk to her like once a week.

I think i might have to give my old high school friends a call because im so tired of my family asking, "why dont you have any friends?"