It is so hard to fake emotions.... so hard. As for thousand yard stare... yeah, I have that.
Everyday is the same day... there's no such thing as a bad/good day, and no matter what you do, it's the same day. Nothing in life is exciting, at all.
The worst part is, for me, you feel like everything is meaningless, and that life is meaningless.
What's the purpose of having a bf/gf? What's the point of having a career? What's point of anything when there is no reward for it? Everything seems pointless.
I have absolute no feelings or emotions... and I've been this way for 5 years, so I don't know remember what emotions use to feel like.
Well, I guess in a way it's good you can find some joy (I don't even know what that means anymore, I don't even feel like a human... I feel like a machine/robot/zombie observing the world)
Yes, the same exact thing for me.
Anyone else feel like they're a zombie/robot/machine that is observing the world?
I've had this my whole life pretty much and I'm now 28.
I can occasionally feel an emotion but it's so weak it's almost negligible. The fact that I only feel like I'm in my head and not in my body means that I don't think I've ever felt an emotion fully. It's more like part of my brain is observing the emotion and I'm not really experiencing it. My parents talk of divorcing as a child caused a few tears but I remember feeling no real sadness.
What you say is true, I see other people living fulfilling lives and I'm jealous but it's a logical thought in reality I don't think I'm able to have strong feelings about being like this (even though I do hate it). Being asexual also makes life feel even more pointless, I have almost never felt any sort of lust for any woman, I've kissed a few in the past but to be honest I got bored of it pretty quickly. There was a time in the past I could feel a weak orgasm but now I feel nothing from that either, so in alot of ways I feel I have more in common with a robot than a person.
All the joy and excitement that other people experience is missing from my life. When I was a child and my parents talked about getting married I knew then that I would never fall in love with anyone.
Talking to people often feels like a chore. They'll ask me about myself and just answering them I find it really hard to hide my complete apathy towards everything.
It's called a personality disorder (schizoid) but in reality part of my brain doesn't work (combination of dopamine transporter gene and or low dopamine receptors, might be other things involved as well).
What you say about every day feeling the same rings true with me, I said to my therapist recently it's like being in the film "Groundhog day". So far having therapy hasn't helped because no event in my life has caused me to be like this, there's no hidden trauma and nothing to talk through. When I leave my session with him I forget almost instantly that I was ever there (lack of emotion seems to tie in with very poor short term memory).