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Thread: Forgiveness
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post #15 of (permalink) Old 03-24-2012, 06:48 AM
Reluctant Shaman
SAS Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3

What do we mean by FORGIVENESS?

What do we mean by FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is NOT about forgetting, being sweet, letting another person off the hook for something they have done, or not done. It is not a sign that you are condoning such behaviour, or that you are soft or weak. Neither does it necessarily require empathy for the person who hurt us.

I am a therapist working in the area of narcissistic victim abuse. "Forgiveness Work" is an important part of recovery work. I don't want people to forget the experience that has happened. On the contrary, "Remembering" can keep us safe from putting ourselves back in a similar position that is unsafe for us.

Psychologically, when we are unable to "forgive", our abuser still is able to have control over us, in our minds at least. It ties us to them and the past in a way that we are still captives. To be unforgiving requires a lot of energy to hold the anger down or buried in our unconscious. We use mental defense mechanisms to repress our feelings, and although that can work very effectively, the process of repression uses up precious energy that could serve us better in our lives when focused elsewhere.

In the forgiveness process we actually take back our control that was once taken from us through hurt and trauma. When we are able to forgive, we are able to connect back into our power and set ourselves free (Empowerment). Forgivness becomes a gift to yourself.
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