Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
397 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hear people say this all the time. I think its a meaningless cliche saying personally. It makes no sense at all in some circumstances. An individual who hates himself/herself can still have the capacity to love others. There are people who hate other individuals but still have the capacity to show love towards other people. Why should it be any different if these individuals hate themselves?

In my opinion, how you feel about and view yourself has little to do with those around you.
 

·
UnDeRrAtED
Joined
·
34,711 Posts
Maybe. I love my dog more than I like myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
527 Posts
I've always heard it as "You can't expect anyone else to love you, unless you first love yourself", but I don't think that's true either. Other people's feelings about you aren't conditional upon your feelings about yourself. I believe that it helps you to be more likeable and attractive (as a person, not physically) if you like and are happy with yourself, because that positive outlook will affect other people's perception of you, but I don't believe it's absolutely necessary before someone is able to love you.
 

·
Suit up!
Joined
·
390 Posts
It's definitely possible to love others while not loving yourself. There are plenty of insecure women that are still in relationships, but like Canadian Brotha said, you'll probably have a much better relationship when you're not worrying about yourself as much. I found that I allowed my insecurities to get in the way when it came to my last boyfriend so in a way it's true.
 

·
breaking free
Joined
·
2,171 Posts
I do agree that you still have the capacity to love others without loving yourself, but if you love yourself, love for others will come a lot easier.

If you are not insecure with yourself, when you are with another person you will be completly focusing on that other person. When you do not love yourself, you will be mainly thinking about all the things you are doing wrong in the relationship and constantly seeking ways to validate the other person's love for you.

If you feel secure in yourself, however, you will be able to focus all of your attention on the other person, and getting to know them on a deeper level. This will give you a greater capacity to love them. Love is about unconditional respect for another person. If you do not love yourself, any relationship will be mainly about validating your worth as a person (i.e. if they like me, it means I am okay. If they don't, it means I am a terrible person.).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,864 Posts
I know that my ex really seriously disliked so many things about himself that he couldn't relate AT ALL to how much I loved him, wanted him or respected him. He could barely see any of the wonderful qualities that he had and in the end that contributed to the end of us.

I don't think that he really believes that he deserves to be happy, to be in a relationship, or that he even believed I was sincere. Either that or he thought I was just really desperate for loving and wanting to be with someone he deemed as too damaged.

He always was telling me how I would find better and that I deserved better. What's crazy is that I loved him because of some of his SA traits, not in spite of them. They meshed with my life better and made me feel more normal. He never could 'get that'.

So I think this is true - I think if you really don't like yourself you will constantly question someone's love, test them, and doubt them because you can't see why they are there with you.

I catch myself doing this too... like wow, that person is awesome - why would they want to be with me. Actually it is how I felt about my ex. Ironically... he was everything I wanted and I couldn't figure out why he was staying with me - I guess him dumping me hurt even more because it just verified what I already felt about myself - that I was repulsive and unworthy of a good guy.

I am really trying hard to not slide back into settling for bad boys or trouble... I really have to believe I deserve a good man... someone who will love me as much as I will love them and will be willing and able to touch, kiss, hold hands and hug without feeling sinful or bad or worrying about what I will think or if I will compare them to past experiences.
 

·
A Living Woman
Joined
·
3,464 Posts
What the saying means is that you can't take on the responsibility of loving someone when you haven't taken the responsibility of loving yourself. You won't understand the way another person loves you when you don't love you. Love is much more involved than people realize and loving yourself makes it...it just makes it...I don't know how to explain but it is better to love yourself than not. Hate has no place in love. If you hate yourself, you have no business being in a relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,433 Posts
It holds true in that you will only hurt the people you love and lose them if you haven't worked out your own problems. You don't have to be perfect but if you really hate yourself all the time you will end up doing things that hurt people close to you and make it very difficult for them to deal with. When you get in a serious relationship your problems become theirs and their problems become yours.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top