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I'm torn deciding on whether or not to try something that I've thought about in order to deal with not being able to think of things to say with friends or in social situations

I'm really good at writing. My idea is to keep a diary of funny points, stories, interesting observations, experiences so that I have a written list of things I can study and remember to blurt out to start conversations or add to current ones.
My idea is that when i leave socializing up to letting my mind wander it's too easy to get distracted by the self-critical/self-censoring voices and so if i make it more of a technical "simply memorizing stuff" thing it might be easier.
But part of me also thinks that this might take the spontnaeity out of the connecting/friending proccess and maybe hinder my ability to think of new things to say on the spot. What if I say all of the things that I write about and am left with just my now untrained, unexercised spontaneous side to converse? It's true that often the self-critical/self-censoring voice leaves me not talking, but sometimes I come out with some amazingly witty things just by going with the flow

What does everyone think? Is this a good idea? Has anyone ever tried any of this? I know it might work for some and not for others - i'm just asking for your personal experience or opinion
 

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Yeah, that's what I've been doing and it definitely helps. You do lose spontaneity but that's okay at first. Most people won't know that you've been rehearsing it. And it's better to sound rehearsed than like a guy who stammers all the time or worse, is super quiet. After a while, you won't need to do it anymore.
 

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I'm torn deciding on whether or not to try something that I've thought about in order to deal with not being able to think of things to say with friends or in social situations

I'm really good at writing. My idea is to keep a diary of funny points, stories, interesting observations, experiences so that I have a written list of things I can study and remember to blurt out to start conversations or add to current ones.
My idea is that when i leave socializing up to letting my mind wander it's too easy to get distracted by the self-critical/self-censoring voices and so if i make it more of a technical "simply memorizing stuff" thing it might be easier.
But part of me also thinks that this might take the spontnaeity out of the connecting/friending proccess and maybe hinder my ability to think of new things to say on the spot. What if I say all of the things that I write about and am left with just my now untrained, unexercised spontaneous side to converse? It's true that often the self-critical/self-censoring voice leaves me not talking, but sometimes I come out with some amazingly witty things just by going with the flow

What does everyone think? Is this a good idea? Has anyone ever tried any of this? I know it might work for some and not for others - i'm just asking for your personal experience or opinion
Excellent idea. Ronald Reagan kept thousands of note cards with anecdotes and quotes and jokes. I think it would be a good move.
 

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That would be a cool game--you and a few friends could write out conversational points on pieces of paper and mix them up so that each person gets someone else's conversational points and has to use at least five of them in his/her next conversation. The more bizzarre the conversational points are the better (within reason of course.)

Actually I've attempted this but never stuck to the plan because it felt like I was cheating. So rather than cheat and have something to say, I would play fair and be mute. I never was too bright.
 

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Not a bad idea. It might actually help you train yourself to be more comfortable saying what's on your mind, and perhaps eventually you'll be able to just do it naturally and can leave your notes behind.

I know if it was me I'd do it for like one day and then get burnt out and just say screw it. But if you do end up doing it, report back, I'd like to know how it goes.
 

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I personally think that practicing socializing is definitely worth it, not just because it will give you good social skills on its own per se. You practice because it gives you a foundation. It gives you some confidence and it trains you to do things more automatically. However, as you get better over time and start gaining natural confidence, you will start to improvise automatically. It won't happen overnight, but if you keep practicing and exposing yourself, it will become more natural.

Here's a long *** thread I wrote about this.. check it out!

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/social-skills-101-a-126784/
 
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