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I think sometimes the devil is talking in my head, I think sometimes that god is talking in my head. I think people can hear my thoughts sometimes.

I feel a feeling of comfort when I believe I'm hearing god, and the god that I hear in my head is very loving caring, and has even helped me with a normal bed time plan, but I've recently thought to myself that this cannot be true, and that everything that comes from you, is you.
Ironically I'm still following that bed time plan, even though I have concluded that god is not talking to me.

My dad left me when I was young around fifth grade. I waited by the window for alot of the night to see if he would return, he never did.

In middle school I was picked on, I got in a fight and lost, and was a loner from there throughout all of middle school. Here and there I would chill with people when I could, if they would, but for the most part after the fight I got in I was alone.

When I hear the tv, I think sometimes it's communicating with me somehow...odd

I believe in god now, but I didn't than, and than was when I cheated on my wife. If the belief of god never came about, would I be cheating on my wife now. The thought disgusts me in its whole entirety


One day my grandma asked me you know that question you've been wondering about, I said what question, she told me, you know, instantly right after that I stood up and I believed in god 100 percent, and yes she was there when it happened, no...I did not imagine it. As she seem to support me thereafter as if she knew what I was going through. Unfortunately I went downhill from there with my sanity and I was taken to the hospital.

In the hospital before they send you to the ward I saw a old man that I was really angry at for no reason or a reason I was unaware of, so I sat across him, but never said anything to him, than he spoke...he said and asked if that blanket around me was a blanket to keep me warm, I told him yes, I got sleepy, I woke up and he was grabbing on to my ankle, the staff took him off me.

When I was at the ward, a man asked me(angel?) if I had any questions about religion, funny, as the whole reason I ended up there was because of religion. I did not know this person at all before up until than. As far as I know...

What happened to me in the hospital/ward has messed with my logic and rationalization insanely...

I know I need help, professional help, when I'll get it though, I'm not sure, I only get help when I can't really handle it anymore it seems. I want to
Beat this on my own....

I hate that I have to rely on music, meditation, positive thinking in order
to keep stable, I wish I just was. Being human sucks, and I find us
to be disgusting... our impulses

I wanted to express myself, and I guess I just want somebody to care.

I really can't have a open discussion at home... So thank you for listening for all who have.
 
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