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Which one?

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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think this might be different when you are dealing with people with SA, but I am interested in knowing. And pretend that social factors like what your parents or friends would think wouldn't apply.

Would you rather have a single life partner who is very supportive, friendly, and normal... but your love life is pretty much the same thing every other night, romantic gestures just come off as weird (I'm going to sleep with you anyways, why do you need to buy me something), and both partners are fearful of losing the other one and there is a little bit of dependency going on. But, you don't have to worry about them cheating or breaking up with you.

Or, would you choose the serial monogamous route. Where you can fall in love with a new person every year or two. Learning about them is exciting, the fall-in-love periods, a life of sexual tension and newness...But also the breakups, the uncertainty, and the lack of stability. Do you know if you will be with this person next month or next year? If you can trade up, you would. Money is spent on dates and trying to impress. But, the partners would be much more independent and willing to spend all day apart doing other things.
 

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Boring/stable, definitely. I absolutely get the appeal of the other lifestyle, but in my limited experience with it, romantic drama is just too exhausting for me. I want stable, long-term companionship, and I'm willing to sacrifice some excitement in order to have that.
 

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The weird thing about serial monogamy is with each partner you kind of pretend/hope that it will last forever. That's why people get so upset if they are told it won't last forever or that the other person may leave town/country in a few years.

I would prefer something stable but there was something seriously wrong with all my exes that made me not see a long term future with them. Too much fighting and I just would not have been happy. I still clung to (long after I knew I did not want to marry them and was not in love really) those relationships longer than I should have because I was lonely, enjoyed the regular sex, and cause it takes months/years to find a new boyfriend.

The 3rd boyfriend might have been okay had he not wanted kids. I'm not really into kids and definitely did not want to have his kids. I liked him as a partner but I was not thrilled with his genetics.
 

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i dont know, i like both... id be fine with relationships that only lasted a yr, i think thats plenty long enough and i like that feeling of falling in love... and u cant fall in love over and over agian if ur stuck with the same person forever

i have yet to experience a break up but im the type of person who ,well i dont want to say runs through people cause that sounds really ****ed up, but i have friendships that last for months at a time and then we just go our seperate ways.... no hard feelings or anything...and its not like i have an argueement with the person and we go our seperate ways, its just i feel like its time to part ways so i just kind of go.... i guess im just used to people coming and going in my life, ive always liked it that way cause the people who have stuck around, for the most part, have been the ones to negatively effect me

i dont know if i could do the same with a relationship though, if i could i dont see why i wouldnt want it that way..

but at the same time, theres nothing like growing old with someone u love so i guess id be fine with both even though i lean torwards the more exciting route
 

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Cynical Idealist
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I don't really like these kind of "would you rather" things. Would you rather have a cold cup of coffee or a glass of warm flat soda? I don't want either, so why discuss the pros and cons of each?
 

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if i was to think about relationships one of the things i would think about is how to go about them in a way that would reduce the problems that resultant breakups from them pose. which to me is like the chance of spiraling into depression and staying there for months or longer. i don't really want to trade some happiness in the future for the chance of depression later (right now i am not depressed and i don't intend to be as long as i don't experience any life shocks).

dating, for example, alarms me. so i do not think i will be trying that. the process seems to tend to require a lot of investment and a lot of not making mistakes and of generally presenting yourself in a better light than you deserve - and all this for something that might go nowhere, or go somewhere but then end and leave you nowhere, or worse, in a dark place.

i am not going to put effort (something i have little of) day in and day out (to battle stress and anxiety and doubts at all time) into something that could end up with me being in a dark place.

so things that arise spontaneously, or the rare set of circumstances that come along where it doesn't require me to feel unpleasant to get to know someone and like them and for them to like me, that is the kind of thing i can more imagine happening.

also commitment worries me. it seems like another form of investment, which as it increases means spending more time together and more sacrificing things for each other, even if it's just imposing or obligating one another to do things and having comparatively less mutual fun. even if it the commitment is not lopsided (and that is also a danger of increased commitment, that it would become lopsided) i am not sure making a relationship the center or even a central pillar of my life would ever be a good idea. it could be the center for a single day, or for some days, but not all the time.

i like the idea of relationships with associates or business partners or fellow churchmembers or whichever people you are involved with in doing something which is meaningful and important to you.
 

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Geese
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Id not stick with either of those, nor would I deserve to.
 

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A boring relationship is not a stable one.
 

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Very happy i have a normal relationship now
With a very sweet supportive caring and amazing guy
All my other previous were full of mental/physical abuse and forced sex..
I dont need any drama ....not anymore :no
 

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La Vie En Rose
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A stable one. I think that if you really loved the person, it wouldn't be boring spending time with them. Yeah sure the novelty and mystery about a person wears off, but there are so many places and things to do together! Plus, if you have a full life, with family, career, friends, hobbies, I don't see how you'd have the time to really be bored for long.

If you want drama in your life, that is quite easy to find via movies or probably in most groups of people (there's usually some kind of gossip). You can start drama all by yourself. Finding a stable relationship, where someone loves you and accepts you and can commit is really hard to come by, and IMO you'd be stupid to pass that up.
 

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Stan the Man
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A stable one. I think that if you really loved the person, it wouldn't be boring spending time with them. Yeah sure the novelty and mystery about a person wears off, but there are so many places and things to do together! Plus, if you have a full life, with family, career, friends, hobbies, I don't see how you'd have the time to really be bored for long.

If you want drama in your life, that is quite easy to find via movies or probably in most groups of people (there's usually some kind of gossip). You can start drama all by yourself. Finding a stable relationship, where someone loves you and accepts you and can commit is really hard to come by, and IMO you'd be stupid to pass that up.
That's how I feel. :)
 

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Any kind of relationship would do me really, it beats being permanently alone and never having sex.

But I chose plain.
 
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