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alien monk
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Would you not get married if your long term partner didn't believe in it? Or would you move on? Or would you force them to marry you via all the evil ways a partner can make a partner do things?
 

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If they didn't believe in it then what would be the point? It would just make them miserable. I probably wouldn't care either way. This way when we divorce at least she won't get my money.
 

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banana enthusiast
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On one hand, marriage is just a contract, which shouldn't matter that much. But on the other hand, I would question her commitment to the relationship if she were so adamant about not getting married. If marriage is just a piece of paper, why is she so hesitant about it?
 

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haha i am the partner who would insist on not getting married :p

if my partner really couldn't accept that then i would let them go... but i reaaaaaaally doubt anyone i would get serious with would settle on marriage or nothing.

i would also leave a guy if he insisted on wanting children.
 

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On one hand, marriage is just a contract, which shouldn't matter that much. But on the other hand, I would question her commitment to the relationship if she were so adamant about not getting married. If marriage is just a piece of paper, why is she so hesitant about it?
Um.. it's expensive?

I mean, I'm no expert but you've got to spend at least 5000$ for a decent marriage.

Personally, I'd rather save it and buy her something nice.
 

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banana enthusiast
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Um.. it's expensive?

I mean, I'm no expert but you've got to spend at least 5000$ for a decent marriage.

Personally, I'd rather save it and buy her something nice.
It doesn't have to have an expensive wedding. You can just get married at City Hall. Anyway, my comment was more to do with an actual opposition to marriage rather than simply being inhibited by the cost.
 

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MBTI: INFJ Enneagram:4w5
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If a partner I would have insisted on not getting married we would not be on the same page.

Now, I don't necessarily believe that people cannot be committed to each other without the paperwork, but there are going to be people who don't understand this.

Of course, I'm already married, so let me tell you how it went.

My husband and I had a very quick relationship (3 weeks) before we got engaged. During this time my husband was getting very sick. Eventually he had to leave college to go home, just one week before finals, and the day before my birthday.

Now, even though we both professed to be Christians (and were going to a Christian university) I could only think of one thing; give him my virginity and so seal the pact we had made with each other, just in case he died and I would never get to see him again (my family was against the relationship and wouldn't even let me visit him in the hospital!)

While for some reason it didn't really work, we had made an attempt, and that was good enough to justify five more years of trying to be in the same place at the same time (as I said, my family was adamantly against it) because with that action we believed that all we needed now was the paperwork to make it legal, and to hopefully soothe my family, who somehow figured out why we were so adamant about staying together.

Eventually, we were able to be in the same area, and we ran away to get married. Almost two years later my family has finally accepted it... but I can say with certainty that they would not have if all we had done was run off and move in together.
 

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It doesn't have to have an expensive wedding. You can just get married at City Hall. Anyway, my comment was more to do with an actual opposition to marriage rather than simply being inhibited by the cost.
essentially its like saying "yes society i need your approval in order to be in love". marriage has nothing to do with the two people involved and everything to do with proving to everyone around them that they are in a stable, committed partnership. at least historically speaking. and i find that whole concept offensive.

the only reason i would consider marriage is for the immigration status. lol.
 

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Luckily I found a partner who doesn't believe in marriage cause of all the BS paperwork you have to go through and that it's more of a consumerist affair rather than a love-based relationship. It's something that I am always against. Why get married when you already love someone? Isn't just love enough? For some, which I have no offense at all with, they like to be married due to better government obligations lent to them.

Social Security pays out more if you're married. More food stamp money and higher welfare checks to married couples. All finances tied into one joint account. Something to show off to family members. Wear a nice wedding dress and have a big ceremony. Religious reasons.

Now Japanese weddings are a bit more traditional and different. I like those than american weddings.
 

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Swedish Feminist
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I must admit I don't understand why people would want to spend the rest of their lives with X but absolutely refuse to marry X. I can understand not wanting to get married for practical reasons (e.g., fear of commitment, fear of divorce, etc.), but being against the technical term while having no problem with the concept just makes no sense to me.
 

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Yes of course.

My boyfriend actually told me he never wanted to get married when we first started dating. Now we've been together for almost 3 years and he has changed his mind. I'm not interested in a wedding, though. We already decided that we're going to elope in Vegas. Although will it still be considered eloping since we already know we're going to do it? *shrug*

Oh, and about the divorce issue... one word: Prenup.

It would still be expensive but at least you don't have to worry about your wife taking all your money.
 

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Yes, I would not get married.

Ignoring the fact that I don't actually want to get married anyways, even if I did I think I'd sacrifice it for the one I love. If I was in love with someone who wanted to get married I would do it for him, so I imagine it'd work the other way too.
 

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Geese
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All marriage is in reality is some writing on paper, after x amount of years living together you get all the benefits of a married couple anyway. It's not singing that piece of paper which determines how in love you are or how strong your bond is. So no, I wouldn't get married if my spouse was against it for a legitimate reason.
 

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giraffe
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I'd move on if someone was so totally against marriage period, just because it makes me question their commitment level. If you want to be with someone and love them so much that you're building a life with them, why NOT get married?...it serves a lot of practical purposes too. I understand it's not for everyone but personally, I would eventually want to make that commitment down the road. The 'marriage is a piece of paper' argument doesn't sit well with me, because we all know realistically that it is not just a piece of paper. It confers many rights and privileges in society that just living together doesn't. Also, in the eyes of society, marriage is a way of setting up a structured and stable environment if you want to have kids. Not that I agree with this view, but largely, society does function as such. I just think this is a tradition I'd want to indulge in eventually and if the person I'm with is completely against it, then obviously we are incompatible and it'd only lead us to resent each other in the end.
 
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