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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am asking this because I am crushing on this girl and for the first time in my life, I feel I have a chance and that she likes me. We are college students and we are both on break now, but when we return to school, I may ask her out.

Before I begin, I want to stress that everything has gone well so far. Honestly, she is awesome to be around. Our conversations are funny and clever and I'm good at making her laugh. From the beginning, we have flirted with each other and it's gone great. Our commonalities are sports and music, though that's not what we are limited to of course.....that's just how we kinda talked more and more.

That all being said, we are VERY different when it comes to our value systems. None of this has ever come up in our conversations at all yet......I generally keep my religious and political views to myself (even my best friends don't know....). I know based on talking with her that she is pretty moderate in that she just wishes both political parties would settle their differences and quit following an agenda.

However, she leans more conservative while I lean more liberal. I am pro-choice, she is pro-life. I am agnostic, she is religious. I don't get along so well with my family, she is super close. She is rich, and while I'm not poor, I'm not rich either and we live much differently. I'm also a HUGE supporter of gay marriage and I don't know her views on that, but if she's not, then it could be awkward. She is kinda a country girl, I have not a single bit of country in me. She was raised in the suburbs but her family has another house elsewhere where they hunt and fish and stuff. I am not a fan of either and to be honest, I could probably never bring myself to shoot an animal or something like that.

So it's like, everything has gone great so far, but I look at everything and kinda wonder about our differences. It makes me unsure of asking her out because of these differences.

What are your thoughts? If we have different values, is this still possible? Or not?
 

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I say to just give it a shot, and see how it works. You can't really guess this stuff right now, maybe your ideologies and backgrounds are different enough to where you wouldn't be able to work it out, and maybe they're just different enough to where you can debate and talk about issues nicely and learn from each other. I just say go with it for a little while, and if some problems arise to where neither of you can really see yourselves in a relationship, then just stay friends.
 

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Barettes got the idea, try it out it may work it may not. If you stay together forever you are going to have to eventually make some comprimises and about some things agree to disagree .
 

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I am a Christian and think it could lead to heartbreak as you are not religious and she is BUT I have heard of people being together and getting married of different religions who are so very happy. I suppose it could go either way but the religion part is what stands out to me.

If you got married someday, how would you bring up your kids? Would you go to church? Etc. Sorry to get these questions going as you are not even dating her yet but things you may need to consider down the road.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I think I will ask her out and see where it goes. For the religion thing, I understand how that's complicated in the long term. While I'm not religious, I'm not one of those people vehemently against religion. I just have no opinion on the matter and am unsure whether or not there is a God.....thus, agnostic. Plus, she's not super religious or anything. I think she believes in God, but she doesn't go to church often.

That being said, what are your thoughts on different political beliefs? Like I said above, she isn't crazy extreme conservative, though I know she leans more that way. I know her whole family is pretty conservative. I rarely talk politics though so maybe that could be avoided???? What are your thoughts?
 

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I think it really depends on what your expectations are.

As far as politics go, I am libertarian, but I basically arrived at my current beliefs through more "conservative"' economics at first but now I would describe my personal libertarianism as very liberal, and certainly very very socially liberal/radical.

In my relationships, I have really only been involved with moderate liberals or very social liberals who disagree with me on economics. I don't feel like my beliefs brought me anything other than respect, but I could see where certain "values" could cause problems with more long-term concerns like having children.
 

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From what I can tell, it seems like you guys have great chemistry and you enjoy each other's company. Values also extend beyond religion and politics, and ideas are meant to be shared and differed between people. You described her as moderate anyway, so it's not like the gap is TOO big on these things. In fact, the way you describe yourself doesn't even come off as too radical in values to me.

As others have already stated, just give it a shot regardless. You are over-thinking this way too much, and you're concerned with how the relationship will work down the road before you are even dating, never mind exclusive. You don't have to marry her. Go on some dates with her, spend more time with her, have more in-depth conversations (maybe you'll find out your values aren't quite THAT different as you percieve), kiss her, have sex with her -- see? Doesn't all that stuff sound fun? Who cares if it doesn't work out in the long run for whatever reason -- you're here to live LIFE and to f^cking enjoy yourself. There are people who are compatible that still don't work out, so if you want to have a chance of having those great experiences and finding companionship, you're going to have to take the risk. And again, at this stage asking her out isn't any kind of risk at all.
 

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I think I will ask her out and see where it goes. For the religion thing, I understand how that's complicated in the long term. While I'm not religious, I'm not one of those people vehemently against religion. I just have no opinion on the matter and am unsure whether or not there is a God.....thus, agnostic. Plus, she's not super religious or anything. I think she believes in God, but she doesn't go to church often.

That being said, what are your thoughts on different political beliefs? Like I said above, she isn't crazy extreme conservative, though I know she leans more that way. I know her whole family is pretty conservative. I rarely talk politics though so maybe that could be avoided???? What are your thoughts?
Why are you thinking so long term? I don't think you need to when you haven't even had a date yet, if you were to establish a relationship and started planning for a future together then yeah I think you can worry about these kind of things, but right now, just enjoy each other's company and go with the flow until you figure out where you want things to go with her. Maybe it won't work out for entirely different reasons (like, IDK, she is super clingy or something). If you're college students then you've got plenty of time to date girls and figure out what works for you, and this is just one of those times. It doesn't need to be so serious to where you're worrying about her beliefs and views and all that. You're young, and can just have fun. I say, just take her out and have fun.
 

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I think it depends if you like her values or not. I hated my ex's values. And go figure, he's my ex. Me personally, I want to go for someone with similar values.
 

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Ugh she sounds horrible!

My biased aside, though, give it a shot. If you hold those beliefs close to heart it might be hard to put up with her. I know I couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious or prochoice... I think it says a lot about the type of person they are. You have to choose whether you can put up with it or not.
 

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Ugh she sounds horrible!

My biased aside, though, give it a shot. If you hold those beliefs close to heart it might be hard to put up with her. I know I couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious or prochoice... I think it says a lot about the type of person they are. You have to choose whether you can put up with it or not.
How does his description in any way make this girl sound horrible???

In all honesty, i don't understand this entire thread. This is a non-issue here.
 

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How does his description in any way make this girl sound horrible???

In all honesty, i don't understand this entire thread. This is a non-issue here.
Because she has the ideologies of someone stuck in the 19th century. A person's sociopolitical and religious views do matter in a relationship if they're complete opposites. If you don't care about laws that affect you and the influence religion has on a person, then good for you. But it seems that for the OP does hold his ideologies close, so the differences would cause arguments and debates. It is an issue for some. It may be a "non-issue" for you, but for others it definitely is something to consider. I encourage you to step out of your box.
 

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This reminds me a lot of myself and my boyfriend.
He and I have different beliefs about God - and politics. However, in every other area of our life, we are extremely happy together and love each other.
So, we avoid the discussions about those areas, because we both get heated.

Down the line, I don't know how it will affect us, but we take it each day at a time.
 

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If you're willing to learn to be a man and let her and her family sculpt you, go for it.

If you're stubborn as a mule, it doesn't have a shot in the world. Heck, I'd doubt she's even interested in you, but rather she's just yessing you off and teasing you for the hell of it.
 

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Ugh she sounds horrible!

My biased aside, though, give it a shot. If you hold those beliefs close to heart it might be hard to put up with her. I know I couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious or prochoice... I think it says a lot about the type of person they are. You have to choose whether you can put up with it or not.
You're prejudging her over two of her political views. Thank you for providing another shining example of that liberal tolerance. Also, you couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious and pro-choice? You mean pro-life, right?

To the op, don't invent excuses that prevent you from asking her out. From the information in your post, you have one fundamental disagreement and it's on abortion. You don't need to learn her position on gay marriage to decide if she's worthy of your date. Take her on a date and enjoy some time with each other. Don't worry about the other stuff yet.
 

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You're prejudging her over two of her political views. Thank you for providing another shining example of that liberal tolerance. Also, you couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious and pro-choice? You mean pro-life, right?
No. I think she meant pro-choice.

A lot of liberals don't understand how religion has been a bastion of freedom because it elevates social outcasts' communication skills, humbles social elites with virtues, and gives everyone holidays worth celebrating so they're assimilated in the community and have something to do.

She wants someone who oppresses her with consumerism, not someone who cares about freedom.
 

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You're prejudging her over two of her political views. Thank you for providing another shining example of that liberal tolerance. Also, you couldn't be with a guy who was overly religious and pro-choice? You mean pro-life, right?

To the op, don't invent excuses that prevent you from asking her out. From the information in your post, you have one fundamental disagreement and it's on abortion. You don't need to learn her position on gay marriage to decide if she's worthy of your date. Take her on a date and enjoy some time with each other. Don't worry about the other stuff yet.
I'm saying I don't like her based on her ideologies. I actually meant prolife, yes.
Typical of someone anti-liberal to push their agenda on a comment with little relevance to their argument.
Try again, kid.
 

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I'm saying I don't like her based on her ideologies. I actually meant prolife, yes.
Typical of someone anti-liberal to push their agenda on a comment with little relevance to their argument.
Try again, kid.
Disliking someone because they are pro-life or religious is the definition of intolerance. Liberal hypocrisy is easy to point out. Low hanging fruit and all.
 
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