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I had a rough night last night, lots of painful stuff coming up, now that I'm moving away from being comfortable in public (doing really well with that) and onto being comfortable in relationships and being more open with people....really...scary...stuff. I could hardly sleep, vacillating between anger, fantasies of hurting my mother (no not for real), extreme fear that I can't do this or handle this, nothing will change beyond the progress I've made, that I'm basically STUCK. I woke up to feelings of wanting to die, take pills, slit wrists....all fleeting thoughts, but I was totally in panic mode. Luckily my husband picked up when I called and he calmed me down, and then after that I talked with the intake coordinator at the center where I'm getting treatment, and she helped too, as did a bag of donuts : (

This SH*T is getting HARD!!! I honestly don't know how I'm going to do the rest of this, today is gonna be rough.
 
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