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conceited martyrdom
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a handful of people would give their lives for me. yet every time they tell me they love me i start crying because i'm shocked.



what up with that?


how the hell does such conditioning happen so early on in childhood?


i've felt hated by the world ever since i can remember

what up with that


i think toxic shame is at the root of anxiety around people. it leads to guilt, self-defeatism, wallowing, and an endless cycle that can be broken but feels like it can't

thoughts? what up with that. what do you think is the source of your anxiety? does it have anything to do with shame?

for me it was my parents. who always put us down. the very language they speak is meant to shame and condemn


i feel so weak for being unable to overcome this. i know that most times i consciously choose to make the easier, less proactive decision. i know most of the weight is on me, and the responsibility is on me


but i don't give a hoot about myself, i hate myself that much and pity myself that much, that i don't care if i am happy even though i want more than anything to be happy


what up with this ridiculous self-sabotage


what UP with us?


why do we hate ourselves so much. and feel bad for ourselves so often

these stupid habits. we must break them
 

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OMG!! I could have written that. I don't feel a lot of self hate but I do feel like I was conditioned by my parents to expect people not to like me (!?) That, along with years of being ignored in school made the "non existent, unloved" feeling stick. I try to pretend a lot of the time that I don't really feel that way but it can be tough. People have always said I don't open up and don't show my vulnerabilities enough. But I'm not used to people giving a s**t.
 

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It's like u read my mind. Most of the time I feel so alone and unhappy that I wish I would just die. Of course I would never commit suicide but I just simply want to disappear. My family gets annoyed with me because Im not outgoing and social but then again they aren't me, they haven't experienced the things that I've experienced. Hell some of my issues are because of them putting me down when I was younger.
 

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Little Winged One
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On the surface I suppose I do feel a sort of continual shame about how I come across,what I do or don't do,but those "negatives" are really just distractions-things I've created or emphasize so that I can easily place the blame for failing in so many ways. The real source of the shame,is that I exist AT ALL. Where in the world did THAT even come from?
 

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a handful of people would give their lives for me. yet every time they tell me they love me i start crying because i'm shocked.

what up with that?

how the hell does such conditioning happen so early on in childhood?

i've felt hated by the world ever since i can remember

what up with that

i think toxic shame is at the root of anxiety around people. it leads to guilt, self-defeatism, wallowing, and an endless cycle that can be broken but feels like it can't

thoughts? what up with that. what do you think is the source of your anxiety? does it have anything to do with shame?

for me it was my parents. who always put us down. the very language they speak is meant to shame and condemn

i feel so weak for being unable to overcome this. i know that most times i consciously choose to make the easier, less proactive decision. i know most of the weight is on me, and the responsibility is on me

but i don't give a hoot about myself, i hate myself that much and pity myself that much, that i don't care if i am happy even though i want more than anything to be happy

what up with this ridiculous self-sabotage

what UP with us?

why do we hate ourselves so much. and feel bad for ourselves so often

these stupid habits. we must break them
You self-hatred could possibly be an internalisation of the critical and condemning parents that have become part of your personality. It activates and attacks your vulnerable child personality for its flaws. And the vulnerable child personality is what is feeling unloved and harbours the shame. Your angry child personality, which is the part that reacts with anger/frustration when emotional needs go unmet might also resort to attacking the vulnerable child in order to cut off needs or to try to get it;s needs fulfilled, such as trying make itself suffer so that maybe the parents would feel sympathy and show love.

You will condition these things with parents because they lack empathy and have little regard for other people's needs and feelings, except their own. Children need a secure attachment to their parents to develop into emotionally healthy adults. The environment needs to be safe, there needs to be protection, empathy, nurturance, acceptance, a freedom to express positive and negative emotions and ideas, and validation for these things, otherwise a child grows up without realizing he/she has that particular need and the right to express it and will feel shame and anxiety when the time comes to fulfill the need because it was rejected and/or neglected in the past. Lets say when you were a kid and you felt shy and didn't want to go into a social situation but your parents told you to "stop being a baby" and made you go into it. Your shyness and expression of fear was not validated and so your shyness and apprehension can become toxic shamed, which would make you want to hide your shyness away, which often happens in today's largely extroverted society.
 

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2,407 Posts
You self-hatred could possibly be an internalisation of the critical and condemning parents that have become part of your personality. It activates and attacks your vulnerable child personality for its flaws. And the vulnerable child personality is what is feeling unloved and harbours the shame. Your angry child personality, which is the part that reacts with anger/frustration when emotional needs go unmet might also resort to attacking the vulnerable child in order to cut off needs or to try to get it;s needs fulfilled, such as trying make itself suffer so that maybe the parents would feel sympathy and show love.

You will condition these things with parents because they lack empathy and have little regard for other people's needs and feelings, except their own. Children need a secure attachment to their parents to develop into emotionally healthy adults. The environment needs to be safe, there needs to be protection, empathy, nurturance, acceptance, a freedom to express positive and negative emotions and ideas, and validation for these things, otherwise a child grows up without realizing he/she has that particular need and the right to express it and will feel shame and anxiety when the time comes to fulfill the need because it was rejected and/or neglected in the past. Lets say when you were a kid and you felt shy and didn't want to go into a social situation but your parents told you to "stop being a baby" and made you go into it. Your shyness and expression of fear was not validated and so your shyness and apprehension can become toxic shamed, which would make you want to hide your shyness away, which often happens in today's largely extroverted society.
Great post! My parents constantly made fun of my shyness but also made fun of extroverts so I got the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" message.
 
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