Social Anxiety Support Forum banner
1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
From past experiences, not being yourself is a lose lose situation. Even when you completely change the way you act, dress and talk, a group/person might still not accept you. Even if they do accept you, you still lose. For example you change the way you act, dress and talk to fit in with a group. The group sees similarity in you so they accept you. Although it might seem like a good thing that the group accepts you, it is not because you are reinforcing the belief that you're real self is not good enough. This is very damaging to your self esteem on a subconscious level. In addition you have to constantly keep up the fake persona to continue to fit in.

The best thing to do socially is to be yourself. If somebody likes you for the REAL you, then this will reinforce the belief that your real self is lovable and is wonderful. If you put up an act, all you're doing is telling yourself "I'm not good enough so I have to change myself."

Anybody agrees?
 

·
Hiding In My Den
Joined
·
1,955 Posts
I agree, I think people should just be themselves. Unfortunatly most introverts or at least the introverted part of their personalies aren't accepted and are even looked down upon by most people. And not all introverts are like me where they would rather be alone then have friends that won't accept them the way they are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
i think that in some cases, you shouldn't be "yourself" if you want to get friends. i mean, my real self (?) is weird and kinda gloomy and pessimistic and afraid and all-that-jazz. only after a certain period of time you "revel" yourself.
people don't wanna be around depressed/anxious people. period.

(and of course, i'm not saying that everyone who suffers from SAD is also depressed.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
i think that in some cases, you shouldn't be "yourself" if you want to get friends. i mean, my real self (?) is weird and kinda gloomy and pessimistic and afraid and all-that-jazz. only after a certain period of time you "revel" yourself.
people don't wanna be around depressed/anxious people. period.

(and of course, i'm not saying that everyone who suffers from SAD is also depressed.)
Exactly, what if you try to improve yourself, is that lying?
Is it not being yourself?
 

·
Starlight and moonbeams
Joined
·
20,920 Posts
Exactly, what if you try to improve yourself, is that lying?
Is it not being yourself?
Improving yourself, yeah, you're still being yourself. But when you put on an act to please others, that's not being yourself, that's just putting on an act. And the friends you make and the relationships you have will be fake, and fall apart when they find out you were basically lying to them all that time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
228 Posts
i think that in some cases, you shouldn't be "yourself" if you want to get friends. i mean, my real self (?) is weird and kinda gloomy and pessimistic and afraid and all-that-jazz. only after a certain period of time you "revel" yourself.
people don't wanna be around depressed/anxious people. period.

(and of course, i'm not saying that everyone who suffers from SAD is also depressed.)
I agree wholeheartedly. The problem is that I continue to be myself. I have the greatest respect for people who don't try to be something they're not and I hate it when people are fake.

This is why I will always be lonely. I speak my mind and people don't like it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
87 Posts
If your real self is shy and quiet, this make people uncomfortable. This is a reason to "act" different. Just another coping skill I've had to learn. It wears me out, but the alternative is even worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
I don't think I'll ever have any friends. If I don't talk, people don't like it and when I do, they don't like what they hear since I can get pretty bizar.
No wonder I respect people like HR Giger, Aphex Twin or Jörg Buttgereit a lot then, I feel related to them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
If I don't talk, people don't like it and when I do, they don't like what they hear....
I've felt like this forever. I've settled into being quiet, people are used to me not saying anything. I always feel like they would prefer me not being there. When I do manage to say something, it catches people off guard - I don't know if it's what I say or the fact that I'm talking at all - I just doen't feel right or natural to me. The worst thing is when I'm in a group with lively conversation, and I finally contribute something... and then everyone goes quiet. :um
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Hey Crimson, maybe they go silent because you said something interesting. Maybe they're thinking about it. People talk talk talk talk...and most of the time they're not saying anything. People love to do this and when someone says something that actually goes beyond the surface they either get a little uncomfortable or genuinely become intrigued. Sometimes the people who really want to respond don't because they're so used to superficial and pointless conversations. So many people have a huge circle of people that they parade around with but they never tell anyone who they really are because they're scared.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
Hey Crimson, maybe they go silent because you said something interesting. Maybe they're thinking about it.
I always think it's because they go "OMG the Silent One spoketh" and they don't know how to react, so they don't react at all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
371 Posts
Yea I agree althogh I feel that people really don't know the real me.. Only the closest people to me like friends and family know how I can get, but the world doesn't. I can be really outgoing and loud at times and most of the time really childish and random... Really random.. I guess if I didn't have SA, Everyone would see how fun of a person I can be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
105 Posts
Yea I agree althogh I feel that people really don't know the real me.. Only the closest people to me like friends and family know how I can get, but the world doesn't. I can be really outgoing and loud at times and most of the time really childish and random... Really random.. I guess if I didn't have SA, Everyone would see how fun of a person I can be.
Yeah thats what really annoys me, the feeling that im going to pass through this life without showing anyone (except my family) the real me. That makes me sad. Not only am i missing out, but others are missing out on my company. I can be good company if only i can show my true self and manage to let my thoughts become speech without agonising other whether they are worthy of broadcasting. We all have to try and give our true personalities a chance. Then if people still dont like us then so be it. We will be happy with ourselves.
 

·
wtf
Joined
·
419 Posts
From past experiences, not being yourself is a lose lose situation. Even when you completely change the way you act, dress and talk, a group/person might still not accept you. Even if they do accept you, you still lose. For example you change the way you act, dress and talk to fit in with a group. The group sees similarity in you so they accept you. Although it might seem like a good thing that the group accepts you, it is not because you are reinforcing the belief that you're real self is not good enough. This is very damaging to your self esteem on a subconscious level. In addition you have to constantly keep up the fake persona to continue to fit in.

The best thing to do socially is to be yourself. If somebody likes you for the REAL you, then this will reinforce the belief that your real self is lovable and is wonderful. If you put up an act, all you're doing is telling yourself "I'm not good enough so I have to change myself."

Anybody agrees?
A G R E E

Yeah thats what really annoys me, the feeling that im going to pass through this life without showing anyone (except my family) the real me. That makes me sad. Not only am i missing out, but others are missing out on my company. I can be good company if only i can show my true self and manage to let my thoughts become speech without agonising other whether they are worthy of broadcasting. We all have to try and give our true personalities a chance. Then if people still dont like us then so be it. We will be happy with ourselves.
Thx for sharing your "real" feelings with us SAS members. Hope to hear more from you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
690 Posts
I agree its a lose lose situation. I just came back from hanging out at the mall with my friends and feel like I gained nothing from it. Sure I was nervous as hell but even if I didnt have Sa I dont think I would have had fun. The conversations were just too shallow and everyone seemed like the cookie cutter teen depressing stuff. But although I agree its better to be yourself the fear of rejection and having no one be able to relate to hold me back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
145 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I don't think I'll ever have any friends. If I don't talk, people don't like it and when I do, they don't like what they hear since I can get pretty bizar.
I'm willing to bet that you saw people who you think is more bizarre than you but somehow people like them. Have you seen people like like that? In my opinion dennis rodman is pretty bizarre people but a lot of people like him. Trying watching celebrity apprentice.

Trust me when I say that even if you're a bizarre guy, there are people that will like you for you. Weird people with a normal self esteem and confidence will brush off people that don't like them like ants. They don't think about it much. They will just move on to other people and eventually find somebody that likes them for them.
It's a numbers game.

I read that whatever decision a president makes, there will always be about 25% of people who are against the decision.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
376 Posts
I'm willing to bet that you saw people who you think is more bizarre than you but somehow people like them. Have you seen people like like that?
Seen no, but read about them ofcourse. Those are pretty much the only people I'm interested in, I pick them out because they're "weird" : Andy Warhol, GG Alin, Bob Flanagan, Giger, ... And then there's the verboten serial killers/cannibals thing (I didn't say only good people :p).

Trust me when I say that even if you're a bizarre guy, there are people that will like you for you.
Yeah that's what the net is for lol. But I have no real urge to get to know other people anymore, the shields are always at 100%, yellow alert. :p

Weird people with a normal self esteem and confidence will brush off people that don't like them like ants.
I got the brushing-people-off-like-ants thing going on in warp drive, but not the normal self esteem/confidence thing, and automatically assume ppl don't like me before they've even seen me. So why bother?
But I do like ants. And Star Trek.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top