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1. I don't know how to approach people and start talking to them. I am afraid they will think I am a creepy stalker or a weirdo and judge me, or that I will come across as annoying.

2. Even if I am approached or I manage to initiate a conversation, I clam up. I know I have nothing interesting to say. I am a pretty dull person. I don't really have a developed sense of humor and am fairly serious. I can't keep people entertained and a lot of those ackward silences occur.

3. I am also an eclectic person and I feel like I don't know how to have a "normal" conversation. I am weird, have strange interests, and feel like I don't have a lot in common with most girls my age. I have very little social skills and say things that sound normal to me but apparrently come across as highly peculiar to other people (I have been told this, and have also heard it numerous times from rumors). I don't know how to dress myself well, put on make-up, or do my hair/other girly things. I am rail-thin and gangly and ackward and move/walk weird because I don't know how to carry myself properly.

4. I don't want to try to get close to a person because I am afraid that they won't want my friendship and will see me as a weird creepy person that won't leave them alone. I am not very popular and I am afraid that people won't want to be my friend for fear of the social damage that associating with me could cause. One time my best friend admitted that the day that she met me her other friends warned her from hanging out with me because I was one of those "strange" people.

5. Because of above, the people I do have contact with don't go past the acquaintence stage and eventually fade out of my life. I have not the courage nor the faintest idea how to interact with them outside of class/work or to become "friends."

6. When people are nice to me, I have a habit of avoiding them like hell. If I see someone I talked to a couple times and who might try to engage me in conversation, I often just wave and smile and hurry by or find some way to avoid them altogether because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say and I feel a lot of pressure and anxiety.


AND THE WORST... I am self-absorbed. I am so inwardly focused on myself and my feelings that I rarely take a look at the outside world and how other people are doing. I am self-centered and even this post proves it.

Thus, I have very few friends and spend most of my time alone in college, depressed and wishing I could be out having fun. I am a fun-loving person and love adventure, excitement, and trying new things but for all my life I have never been able to make friends to share these experiences with :(
 

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alien monk
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8,449 Posts
I have been following your comprehensive guide for many years and have had similar results. I think that your 6 steps to friendlessness is the most effective self-help guide I have ever read.

If you could please write a second guide of how to stop following your first guide I would be very thankfull.
 

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sa challenger
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5,079 Posts
1. I don't know how to approach people and start talking to them. I am afraid they will think I am a creepy stalker or a weirdo and judge me, or that I will come across as annoying.

2. Even if I am approached or I manage to initiate a conversation, I clam up. I know I have nothing interesting to say. I am a pretty dull person. I don't really have a developed sense of humor and am fairly serious. I can't keep people entertained and a lot of those ackward silences occur.

3. I am also an eclectic person and I feel like I don't know how to have a "normal" conversation. I am weird, have strange interests, and feel like I don't have a lot in common with most girls my age. I have very little social skills and say things that sound normal to me but apparrently come across as highly peculiar to other people (I have been told this, and have also heard it numerous times from rumors). I don't know how to dress myself well, put on make-up, or do my hair/other girly things. I am rail-thin and gangly and ackward and move/walk weird because I don't know how to carry myself properly.

4. I don't want to try to get close to a person because I am afraid that they won't want my friendship and will see me as a weird creepy person that won't leave them alone. I am not very popular and I am afraid that people won't want to be my friend for fear of the social damage that associating with me could cause. One time my best friend admitted that the day that she met me her other friends warned her from hanging out with me because I was one of those "strange" people.

5. Because of above, the people I do have contact with don't go past the acquaintence stage and eventually fade out of my life. I have not the courage nor the faintest idea how to interact with them outside of class/work or to become "friends."

6. When people are nice to me, I have a habit of avoiding them like hell. If I see someone I talked to a couple times and who might try to engage me in conversation, I often just wave and smile and hurry by or find some way to avoid them altogether because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say and I feel a lot of pressure and anxiety.

AND THE WORST... I am self-absorbed. I am so inwardly focused on myself and my feelings that I rarely take a look at the outside world and how other people are doing. I am self-centered and even this post proves it.

Thus, I have very few friends and spend most of my time alone in college, depressed and wishing I could be out having fun. I am a fun-loving person and love adventure, excitement, and trying new things but for all my life I have never been able to make friends to share these experiences with :(
I am less like this than I used to be. All these behaviors were me. I've been to years of counseling and meds, and am much better but still have sa and still work on conquering it actively every day. I remember my counselor told me I was self-centered. It was true, a factual statement and not meant to hurt me. There is more than one way to be self-centered, and sadly we employ the one that only hurts us. I don't think I'm the center of everyone's world like I used to, you know, everyone is watching me, everyone hates me...but it is apparent that I will always be quiet in most situations, its's just my nature.
 

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1. I don't know how to approach people and start talking to them. I am afraid they will think I am a creepy stalker or a weirdo and judge me, or that I will come across as annoying.

2. Even if I am approached or I manage to initiate a conversation, I clam up. I know I have nothing interesting to say. I am a pretty dull person. I don't really have a developed sense of humor and am fairly serious. I can't keep people entertained and a lot of those ackward silences occur.

3. I am also an eclectic person and I feel like I don't know how to have a "normal" conversation. I am weird, have strange interests, and feel like I don't have a lot in common with most girls my age. I have very little social skills and say things that sound normal to me but apparrently come across as highly peculiar to other people (I have been told this, and have also heard it numerous times from rumors). I don't know how to dress myself well, put on make-up, or do my hair/other girly things. I am rail-thin and gangly and ackward and move/walk weird because I don't know how to carry myself properly.

4. I don't want to try to get close to a person because I am afraid that they won't want my friendship and will see me as a weird creepy person that won't leave them alone. I am not very popular and I am afraid that people won't want to be my friend for fear of the social damage that associating with me could cause. One time my best friend admitted that the day that she met me her other friends warned her from hanging out with me because I was one of those "strange" people.

5. Because of above, the people I do have contact with don't go past the acquaintence stage and eventually fade out of my life. I have not the courage nor the faintest idea how to interact with them outside of class/work or to become "friends."

6. When people are nice to me, I have a habit of avoiding them like hell. If I see someone I talked to a couple times and who might try to engage me in conversation, I often just wave and smile and hurry by or find some way to avoid them altogether because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say and I feel a lot of pressure and anxiety.

AND THE WORST... I am self-absorbed. I am so inwardly focused on myself and my feelings that I rarely take a look at the outside world and how other people are doing. I am self-centered and even this post proves it.

Thus, I have very few friends and spend most of my time alone in college, depressed and wishing I could be out having fun. I am a fun-loving person and love adventure, excitement, and trying new things but for all my life I have never been able to make friends to share these experiences with :(
It seems to be so amazingly weird that EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE said 100% applies to me. You are like my clone and this is so weird... We have THE SAME THINKING and feelings..
 

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Are you a kind person? Are you generous, or loyal, or loving? Does it make you happy to see others succeed? Are you supportive and non-judgmental? Are you thoughtful and caring? Are you smart and insightful and have opinions? Are you honest and trustworthy? Do you keep your promises? Are you at all empathetic or understanding? Are you patient? Are you humble? Can you keep secrets? Are you respectful? Do you not hold grudges?
I am relentlessly, infuriatingly optimistic that we can all make friends. We may lack many of the superficial qualities that smooth interactions, but I know we are good people with good hearts and good intentions, and that if we don't push people away, they will see it and appreciate it. I think that friendships based on real understanding are more satisfying, more genuine, and more real than friendships based on saying clever things or looking pretty.
 

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Wow, you pretty much described me almost perfectly. I bet we could be friends. :b
 

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Fitting In Here & There
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You kind of sound like an artist. Are you creative? If so, then it's ok to be "weird." Maybe it's even required. :)

I think the guide you wrote is very insightful. You are right about us being self-absorbed. We focus almost all of our attention on ourselves and are constantly trying to see ourselves through others eyes. Always worrying how we look/sound/act/come across, etc. To the point of not being able to relax and actually pay attention to the present situation that is happening right before us. Instead we have all this other crap going on in our heads ("they're going to think I'm a freak" etc.) that we can't just experience the experience.

I think the self-focus is the core habit we need to change to lessen the anxiety. It's hard tho, cuz it's such a strong habit!
 

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You have decribed me excatly. If I may ask, what kind of interests do you have? I think other people would think of my interests as weird too.
 

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Like everyone else has said, that is me 110%. That is exactly why I don't have friends. The thing is, I don't really want to change. Ah well :p
 

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1. I don't know how to approach people and start talking to them. I am afraid they will think I am a creepy stalker or a weirdo and judge me, or that I will come across as annoying.

2. Even if I am approached or I manage to initiate a conversation, I clam up. I know I have nothing interesting to say. I am a pretty dull person. I don't really have a developed sense of humor and am fairly serious. I can't keep people entertained and a lot of those ackward silences occur.

3. I am also an eclectic person and I feel like I don't know how to have a "normal" conversation. I am weird, have strange interests, and feel like I don't have a lot in common with most girls my age. I have very little social skills and say things that sound normal to me but apparrently come across as highly peculiar to other people (I have been told this, and have also heard it numerous times from rumors). I don't know how to dress myself well, put on make-up, or do my hair/other girly things. I am rail-thin and gangly and ackward and move/walk weird because I don't know how to carry myself properly.

4. I don't want to try to get close to a person because I am afraid that they won't want my friendship and will see me as a weird creepy person that won't leave them alone. I am not very popular and I am afraid that people won't want to be my friend for fear of the social damage that associating with me could cause. One time my best friend admitted that the day that she met me her other friends warned her from hanging out with me because I was one of those "strange" people.

5. Because of above, the people I do have contact with don't go past the acquaintence stage and eventually fade out of my life. I have not the courage nor the faintest idea how to interact with them outside of class/work or to become "friends."

6. When people are nice to me, I have a habit of avoiding them like hell. If I see someone I talked to a couple times and who might try to engage me in conversation, I often just wave and smile and hurry by or find some way to avoid them altogether because I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say and I feel a lot of pressure and anxiety.

AND THE WORST... I am self-absorbed. I am so inwardly focused on myself and my feelings that I rarely take a look at the outside world and how other people are doing. I am self-centered and even this post proves it.

Thus, I have very few friends and spend most of my time alone in college, depressed and wishing I could be out having fun. I am a fun-loving person and love adventure, excitement, and trying new things but for all my life I have never been able to make friends to share these experiences with :(
I could have wrote most of that word from word, I feel just like that.
 

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and i won't back down
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I have the exact same problems. Like everyone else said, I could have written that same thing. (With a few changes- I do know how to do my makeup and dress nicely, etc.)
I was just thinking, earlier today, that even if and when I'm no longer anxious, when I am not nervous to be in a group of more than four people, I won't know how to act. If I go to a party, what do I say? What do I do? Do I tell a joke? I don't know how to tell jokes. I don't even know any jokes. Do I tell a story? What would I talk about? Everything that I could possibly talk about would be boring to everyone else. And I tend to ramble when I talk. I'm also not very good at realising when people are bored of my rambling.
I don't know.
But I know exactly what you mean. And how you feel.
 

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That guide is a little too good. I have been following it for a while now.

Funny thing is that there is no guide to being social. I know that when I have previously been a social person that it just comes naturally. I know I can hold interesting conversations with people I know. I also know that I can be funny and entertain. But why is it that I cant with people I dont know? I am just completely blank. Then it is all downhill from there.
 
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