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In elementary/middle school, I was too young, but I made friends easily.

I moved to a new state to start high school and this was where it all went down hill. I didn't have any friends, I ate lunch alone, and didn't speak to anyone in class. I suffered like this for 3 years.

I went off to college with some of these psychological issues that developed in high school. My problems are so well hidden that people don't notice. I would like to think that I made some improvement and on my path to recovery but maybe I'm cursed for the rest of my life.

Outside of my family who have known me since I was a child, I have very hard time making REAL friends. I meet someone, but I'm so afraid of ...something. It leads to being afraid to open up, making a full out of myself, or just trying not to appear so stiff. I'm like a wall and lack confidence that so many people my age already developed. All along, I thought I had an interesting personality, but I'm wrong and people may find me boring. I'm self conscious and soft spoken. It leads to avoidance from people and social settings.

People tell me to keep putting yourself out there and I try but even if I meet someone, I don't know what it feels like to be myself. I can't act like myself.
Do I have to try to act interesting? What does it take?
Other people I know are funny, charismatic, interesting, etc. I'm like a wall with no personality around people unless in special situations where I'm comfortable and can be myself.
 

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crazy
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All along, I thought I had an interesting personality, but I'm wrong and people may find me boring. I'm self conscious and soft spoken. It leads to avoidance from people and social settings.
Do I have to try to act interesting? What does it take?
Other people I know are funny, charismatic, interesting, etc. I'm like a wall with no personality around people unless in special situations where I'm comfortable and can be myself.
You sound a lot like me - I had a lot of friends up until we moved right before high school. I was a lot more wary in the new environment and didn't talk as much. I did eventually manage to make a few friends but maybe I got lucky.

But really, don't think that you're boring. That's just SA making your mind go blank and keeping you from interacting normally.
 

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SAS Member
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Do I have to try to act interesting? What does it take?
If you don't correct your inner self, than you're going to have to put on an act instead of being yourself. I think you should focus on fixing your self conscious issue. By doing that it will give you confidence, which will help you open up to people.
 

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You say, "I don't know what it feels like to be myself," and I believe this is the core problem for many of us anxious folks. We have spent our whole lives and all our time being so fixated in anxiety that we have not taken the time to develop our talents and interests and find out who we are. So, what might help? Well, develop your talents! Begin volunteering in things you think you might have a knack for or an interest in. Take jobs, try working online if that suits you, and join some community interest groups or ones at college! Just keep taking a shot and keep going back if something is fun; if something sucks, just leave it and find something else to do. Don't fret if things don't work out right away; it can take several years to figure out all the different things you are interested in. Once you know what you are good at, confidence will develop and things will work out just fine. But, it takes time, and lots of patience. Just keep putting yourself out there and things will work out!
 

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You say, "I don't know what it feels like to be myself," and I believe this is the core problem for many of us anxious folks. We have spent our whole lives and all our time being so fixated in anxiety that we have not taken the time to develop our talents and interests and find out who we are. So, what might help? Well, develop your talents! Begin volunteering in things you think you might have a knack for or an interest in. Take jobs, try working online if that suits you, and join some community interest groups or ones at college! Just keep taking a shot and keep going back if something is fun; if something sucks, just leave it and find something else to do. Don't fret if things don't work out right away; it can take several years to figure out all the different things you are interested in. Once you know what you are good at, confidence will develop and things will work out just fine. But, it takes time, and lots of patience. Just keep putting yourself out there and things will work out!
I find it hard to join these things initially. Like anticipation anxiety. I cannot simply go and join a group.
 

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I find it hard to join these things initially. Like anticipation anxiety. I cannot simply go and join a group.
Yes, it is hard to do, but after some practice, it gets easier, until finally it feels fully natural. It may take a few years to get the hang of this for some...
 

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This is a difficult issue for myself as well. With SA, I have developed a real talent for getting away from people. This has been my passion for so long its left little room or opportunity to develop much of any interest that I could share with others in order to get friends easier. The only way out of this is too develop a plan where you would repeatedly (almost daily) put yourself in different situations where you would be around people and slowly learn how to develop those social skills. It takes determination and a lot of battling with procrastination. It is, I'm afraid, the only way to solve this problem. Another thing is to learn to deal with failure. At first, you will fall short of your ultimate expectations. This is good because instead of giving up and sulking about your failure, you look at it as normal and an opportunity to improve yourself the next time around. This is difficult, but with a little practice and determination this type of thinking will inevitably become a habit.
 

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I cannot simply go and join a group.
In Soviet Russia, groups join YOU!

School, work, etc tend to force people to work together and accept and work out individual differences. And if you have a capable community/work leader on hand he/she will end up more protection to you rather than more people to run away from! Often it does take two hands to clap, to make an "open" community work.

Difficult to find such environments, but doesn't mean they do not exist.
 

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unashamed perv
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*sigh* that sounds like me. I make an effort to go out and meet people, and I'm ak at talking to someone neew, but it all falls apart when it comes to actually being friends with anyone. I'm just going to keep putting myself out there and keep hoping.
 

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In elementary/middle school, I was too young, but I made friends easily.

I moved to a new state to start high school and this was where it all went down hill. I didn't have any friends, I ate lunch alone, and didn't speak to anyone in class. I suffered like this for 3 years.

I went off to college with some of these psychological issues that developed in high school. My problems are so well hidden that people don't notice. I would like to think that I made some improvement and on my path to recovery but maybe I'm cursed for the rest of my life.

Outside of my family who have known me since I was a child, I have very hard time making REAL friends. I meet someone, but I'm so afraid of ...something. It leads to being afraid to open up, making a full out of myself, or just trying not to appear so stiff. I'm like a wall and lack confidence that so many people my age already developed. All along, I thought I had an interesting personality, but I'm wrong and people may find me boring. I'm self conscious and soft spoken. It leads to avoidance from people and social settings.

People tell me to keep putting yourself out there and I try but even if I meet someone, I don't know what it feels like to be myself. I can't act like myself.
Do I have to try to act interesting? What does it take?
Other people I know are funny, charismatic, interesting, etc. I'm like a wall with no personality around people unless in special situations where I'm comfortable and can be myself.
I'm totally with you on this...
I had friends up till the age of 13...when i went to senior school (here in the UK) and it never got any better....i went through 4 yrs there by myself..that carried on in to sixth form college....and on and on....

I don't think i have any ability to make friends any more.....ihave no idea who i am..and i'm so paranoid now that i seem incapable of just relaxing and being who i am....It doesn't help that i know i have a physical condition (something not in my mind which makes me feel like a leper...and is not common or accepted by society)......and i'm now so anxious and terrified all the time i can't even get up the courage to try to get help.....

The railway lines look so inviting so often :blank
 

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dirt person
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I only made friends when I was a child. I never learned to befriend people on a more "grown up" level.

I think this is the biggest problem I have because of SA: I might be able to make meaningless small talk with people or make conversation, but only if I don't really have any interest in being their friend.

As soon as I'm truly interested in someone, I become too afraid to even say a word.
 
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