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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
At work I generally mix OK with people and get along with them, but can't progress on to a real friendship with anyone! I suppose some of it is we all live in different areas and many have families at home and so don't have the need to socialise too much. I have lived here 10 years and have quite a few acquaintances, but the friends I have made have moved away and I just don't seem to be able to make new ones in the area. What sort of places should I hang out by myself? I don't generally do pubs or clubs and certainly wouldn't dream of going by myself. I have tried libraries and cafes, but it didn't work. Wandering the streets I don't bump into anyone. Maybe if I had a dog to walk in the park that might work! I was part of a club and made a friend there but she has family and doesn't want to come out very much. can be a lonely old life in the 40s, once kids have their own lives!
 

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I agree. Work feels like time is objectively being spent on focused conversation, and time off from work feels like open-ended discussion with too many degrees of freedom what to do, when to do it, who to meet, what to say, etc.
 

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it's easy to mix at work because it's a structured environment with rules and certain expectations of behavior/cordiality, all centered around a common interest (the company). But, I think its artificiality is proven by the fact that all of that friendliness evaporates the moment one walks out the door.

Making friends in the adult world is difficult for single people, even without SA; although, many married people who I encounter don't seem to have many friends either.

Alot of people on the forum recommend volunteering and online groups like meetup.com.
 

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I had the same experience. 9 years at the sameplace and friendly at work with people but come 5 and they don't know me it seems. Don't have any friends since school ended. Maybe if I had my own place I could invite people over and that would help. I spent to years going to meet ups with very limited success. Guess its the atomized society we live in were our best friends are pets and tv characters.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I totally agree with you caveman, open ended discussion can be scary - especially when I seem to come out with a right load of rubbish sometimes and this seems to end the conversation - I feel a bit alien in those situations when others just seem to be able to flow.

I will certainly consider volunteering in the future, but unfortunately unless it's in the evening it's not going to fit in unfortunately.

It would be lovely to have a dog again, but again being out of the house and at work, it just doesn't seem fair right now!

With regards to inviting people round to my place - that's scary! I'm OK if people just drop by, but if I know someone is coming I get quite worked up thinking I am not good enough, food is not good enough etc - How ridiculous seeing as I don't put these judgements on others, why on earth would they put them on me!!!
 

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your not on your own reading your thread reminds me of me. I can converse about work all day long but out of work Im totally utterly hopeless
 

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With regards to inviting people round to my place - that's scary! I'm OK if people just drop by, but if I know someone is coming I get quite worked up thinking I am not good enough, food is not good enough etc
I am exactly the same way!! Sometimes, I have a nagging fear that my food will make someone sick, although it never has.

The trick is to take tiny "risks", and it can start at the grocery store. Instead of pressuring yourself to purchase an expensive ingredient, pick one that is good but not the best, and then don't apologize for it later
 
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That's lucky, I'm glad for you. Any person being around in general tenses me up (even my roommate), but work is one of the worst things. I have had trouble keeping a job because I get in a panic and miss a couple of days.

It didn't used to be that way, and then suddenly I began caring what other people thought of me. I hear them talk about each other and then think, well what do they say about me when I'm not around? It made me quieter and want to be around them less. If I wasn't around or they didn't notice me, maybe they wouldn't have anything to say...was my rationale.

With strangers, if I say something goofy or look bad that day, I can tell myself that I likely won't see them again. But at work I feel under the strongest microscope, like they'll remember every off thing I've said, or when I've not looked my best, made mistakes, etc. That's something I'll be working on in therapy. (starts in 3 weeks-I've found this place in the meantime!) :)

I will definitely take what you all have said about at least not being so anxious at work and try to make it work for me. I am supposed to start another job this week. Knowing that it is short term helps, but I've lost a lot of really good jobs because of this, it can't keep happening. Be well all. Thanks for listening.
 

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it works because you are around the same people on a day-to-day basis so it only becomes easier to talk to them.

I am in the same boat. I get along fine with everyone at work, but it ends there. Everyone at work is married, has kids, or has some SO/relationship. Outside of work I cant make any new friends in my area...
 
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