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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey, im Kevin, first post here.

I have a question that might be some weird quirk I have, but I wonder if anyone else with SA feels the same way.

I really have extreme jealousy of people that are worse off than me. Yeah worse, not better, worse. Its more along the lines of mental disorders though. Im very jealous of schizophrenics, dyslexics, OCD, personality disorders (IM NOT CONTENT WITH 2, I WANT THEM ALL), or people who have worse SA than me. Definatly not jealous of depressed people though. I have it and I hate it. I am fairly jealous of people who can do things I cant, but I dunno if thats normal.

Its hard for me to read the thread titled "Stupid things we do because of SA", because everyone in there seems worse off than me, and I'd almost be happier if I was so nervous I puked every time I made eye contact with anybody.

I dont understand it, I hate attention, I realize that its quite possibly the stupidest desire to have, and even if I was a bit crazier I would be no more happy than I am now.

I have a few reasons why this may be, but since I have the tendency to overlook the obvious, so much that its insane, and am just not seeing the big picture.

1) A very wise person once told me its because I strive to be the most unique person alive.

2) I hold myself to very, very, very high standards in every aspect, none of which I achieve, or even get close to, so I almost think its just another way for my mind to hold a carrot on a stick in front of me whilst sitting on my shoulders.

My idea (#2) just sounds dumb to me, but since I'm usually wrong about how dumb I sound I thought I'd throw that out there.

Any input is nice, just dont let my thread go without any responses. Please.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Ha well, if everyone looks at me like im crazy, then It probably has nothing to do with SA, which is what I'm most curious about. For some reason I thought it would be related.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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I get jealous of people who are better at things than me but just some things, not everything. I'm not really good at anything. They say everybody is good at something, that we all have some talent but the only thing I'm good at is sucking at everything. I can't cook for crap, I suck at guitar, I can't play pool, I can't swim right, I can't even talk to people without screwing everything up. I always come across those people who are absolutely good at everything and I mean everything. They can play baseball like a pro, they can drive a stick shift, they can ride a motorcycle and fix everything around the house that ends up broken. I can't do anything.

I don't get jealous of people with worse disorders though. I actually like who I am alot, I just wish other people liked me to. Not saying that you don't like yourself. I'd just rather have SA then alot of the other things people go through. Honestly I'd prefer things over SA like overactive bladder but there are also things I'd rather not have like everyday migraines, missing fingers, a hairy back, a shiny bald head. I'd prefer SA over all those things.

I don't think there's anything wrong with how you feel, it's just how you feel but becareful what you wish for.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
In a sense I don't feel like I'm consciously wishing for this, but subconsciously. Its why I brought it up on a SA forum, to see if anyone else with SA is driven by a common force.

I dont suck at anything really, in fact I'm pretty apt to pick things up quickly and get good at them. However I have ADD (so i believe) and cant hold interest long enough to even practice more than a few times.
 

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HaloOfDarkness
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I have ADD as well. I have to read things over and over before it finally gets through. It takes me forever to put something together like an outdoor grill, I have to go over the instructions like 15 times. I wish I could be one of those people that could put it together without the instructions. I remember stuff pretty well like phone numbers and certain events but basically things don't always register with me and it's like everything everyone says is so damn complicated to understand and so beyond my comphrension if I even spelled that right, probably not.

See I don't know of people that are jealous of others with worse conditions but I know of people who are in competition with others about conditions and negative events. Like for instance if I'm at work and someone says that this and this happened to them and it was so horrible, then the person next to them will say how that and that happened to them and it's like they try to top the story that the other person just told to make it sound like they had it worse.
 

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Heh, I kinda get what you're talking about. I'm not real sure how to articulate it though. It's like...I'm sort of an all or nothing person. And so (and this sounds stupid, I know) if I'm going to have mental illness, I may as well be really f'd up. I don't consciously desire to be in worse shape than I am, but on some subconscious level, I think I'd almost be more comfortable if I was. If that makes any sense.

It's like it would give me an excuse for not being able to do certain things. I mean right now, I have this disorder, and it's downright debilitating in some regards. But I'm not nearly as bad off as some, and so I'm able to push myself and therefore be normal in some areas (like having a full time job, etc). But if I was really messed up, I'd have an excuse for not doing any of those things, and I wouldn't have to push myself. It would be sort of freeing. Consciously, I know that it doesn't work like that at all, and I have nothing but sympathy for those worse off than me. But in my own twisted way of thinking, I feel like I'd be more comfortable having a disorder that's truly debilitating rather than existing in this gray area of anxiety/depression.

Wow. That was way more than I'd planned on writing.
 

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stillborn
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You know? I'm the exact same way. You've made some very good points as to why, but still don't know if they fit me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
@ jordan: im not much of a whiner, I hate the attention you get from it.

@ stewbert: Yeah I get what your saying, but im not quite sure thats exactly it. Im quite sure if I lived alone in the woods, I would still wish I was worse off mentally than everyone.

@ audrey: you see where Im coming from? I feel the same way about the reasons I made, they sounds logical, but dont quite fit. I dont know whether its a unique scenario that we both share or if it would be related to mental disorders.
 

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I used to have sort of the same problem when I first started telling people I had SA. Most people didn't believe I had it because I was pretty good at hiding it. I used to wish that I was worse so I wouldn't be able to hide it and they would believe me. Even after I finally convenced people I had a real problem they had a hard time understanding it. That made me feel bad so I wanted to have other disorders so I could have one that they could understand. At some point I ralized that my reasoning where stupid so I don't feel that way anymore.
 

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I kinda get it. Having generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Panick Attacks. I see others with visual disorders. I get get kinda jealous because what I have is hidden. I've started to apply for SSI. I wonder if they'll get it.
 

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Ohwow, I get the exact same way! :eek: I get jealous of people with strange illnesses all the time! I feel like a freak...

I think it may have something to do with wanting attention. Maybe we look at ourselves as boring individuals and people with strange disorders just seems so interesting, and other people accept them very easily because they know what this disorder can do to a person and are very understanding... I don't know really. Maybe there isn't a reason.

1) A very wise person once told me its because I strive to be the most unique person alive.
I think that could play some part in it though
 

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i'm exactly the same.
although its not just mental disorders, it could be pretty much anything.
i think jordantaylor was right when he said whinning right because i think if i had it it would give me an excuse...which sounds bad when i say it like that....
 

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I can see where you're coming from, everyone feels jealous at times. This isn't a common subject of jealousy though, so it might seem a little weird. If you're reading a thread w/ people w/ the same kind of issues, and comparing yourself to them, I think it's perfectly normal to feel jealous if your situation seems less significant or severe than others. To most other people your situation is unique, but in that thread for example it's one of many. Comparing oneself to others...doesn't matter the context sometimes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I'd say comparing myself to others is a horrible habit, and probably has led to this jealousy in one way or another.

Its possible that I feel less significant like Halcyon said, that could trigger a feeling of jealousy. However I don't know if its completely normal, as more than one person in this thread thought that was a strange thought or didn't understand it. Sometimes what we think is normal in our minds
 

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I think its prolly that you're so caught up handling ur SA and you're so caught up in all the SA treatment and all the stuff you can read that its like pokemon or some other fad..you've gotta collect them all.

I'd strogly suggest you do some soul searching about why you "enjoy" SA and try to focus that onto another subject..like pokemon :)
 
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