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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm in college, been going to college for four years now. I transferred half way through and commuted the remaining two years. Now I have a fifth year and finally wisened up and decided to live on campus next year for my fifth year. A lot of times when someone first meets me they say, "I've never seen you before." "You go here?" I don't think people realize how much this hurts my feelings. Its like I'm the invisible girl. I literally cry about this. No one is going to look back at college and think of me........apparently I wasn't there. In addition, it seems like everyone knows everyone. It's a small school, about 2,000 people. Why does this bother me? Does anyone else feel this way? I'm so sad right now.....no one cares about me.......
 

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Jedi Consular
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,,

Why be angry at everyone? Why let these ppl stomp all over you? You don't like you and you can't blame these people for making you feel sad. They are actually curious about you and want to get to know you. If the questions bother you so much, say something to their face, smile and walk away or say "I'll see you around campus!" or smile politely introduce your name/your major/etc. If you don't say something, how will they ever know you? A boundary has to be set between two people, not one person. Don't feel bad if you stood up and said something.
 

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I know what you mean. But hey, at least someone's talking to you. It might hurt your feelings that they don't know you right off the bat, but at least you have the chance to get them to know you. Work towards that, even though it's hard. The next time they see you, they'll know who you are, and that's a good start. I've had the problem you're having before, and I probably will feel this way again at some point.
 

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That Quiet Girl
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Oh my god, I always get this. When I was in high school, I would be sitting in class the entire year, and the teacher would ask if anyone would want to partner with me. And some kid would be like "Who's __?" and ask how long I've been here.*facepalm* It's so embarrassing! I can empathize with you, meesha.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for all your thoughtful responses. And it is true, I guess people are just curious about me but I never thought of it that way.....but seriously I kid you not I wrote this post earlier in the day, went out with a few friends and met up with this girl who goes to my school at some bar and she said, "I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE" literally a few hours after i wrote this. OH F*** my life!
 

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Protector of the Den
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Very few people know me at the community college I go to. I would like to make friends, but in some ways it's nice not being known.
 

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Your Assumptions
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I know what you mean, meesha327. Such a thing would upset most people, I think, because it conveys the message one's existence is not important enough to even be noticed. For this reason, being invisible can sometimes be worse than being disliked or despised. It's like being a non-person.
 

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I was like this through college... mostly it was because I showed up in time for class, and left after class. I never spent much time in the student union except to eat and then I went somewhere quiet (the library or under a tree alone) and read.

Realistically, yeah, I was pretty invisible. But, I didn't try too hard to be visible. I just wanted to get it all over with, do what I had to do and leave.

But it still hurt that no one tried to talk to me or get to know me, but now--looking back (22 years later).. I never talked to anyone else either and never tried to get to know them so that isn't just on them - it is on me too.

I tend to expect others to always make the first move... but I don't put myself in situations where they can usually... that's also on me. I suppose when I do put myself in those situations, which happens rarely, I expect instant results... which isn't realistic either.

Mostly I still go to work, pick up my kid, come home, and stay home. So even now I'm still not putting myself out there... which I need to do but just can't seem to do.

Good Luck and I would say next time someone says something - maybe try, "I've been here for years - you just never noticed, my name is...., what's yours?" That way you are putting it back on them, you take control, and they have to follow. Easier said than done I know.

I know it hurts to feel invisible, I've felt that way my whole life...
 

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I'm in college, been going to college for four years now. I transferred half way through and commuted the remaining two years. Now I have a fifth year and finally wisened up and decided to live on campus next year for my fifth year. A lot of times when someone first meets me they say, "I've never seen you before." "You go here?" I don't think people realize how much this hurts my feelings. Its like I'm the invisible girl. I literally cry about this. No one is going to look back at college and think of me........apparently I wasn't there. In addition, it seems like everyone knows everyone. It's a small school, about 2,000 people. Why does this bother me? Does anyone else feel this way? I'm so sad right now.....no one cares about me.......
I know that feeling. I had it all the time in college, and to some extent in every job I've had, but I can't really blame people for not noticing me. I don't exactly put myself out there to be noticed. In fact, I often go out of my way to duck under other people's radar and not be noticed. Still hurts when people comment on it though. Perhaps I do it a bit too well. :(
 

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It's upsetting but in a way you have to understand they don't say this out of spite. They might've seen you around or they haven't. Not everyone knows who everyone is unless they make themselves known. Now that you've done that, expect a reaction like "who are you?" because you've been hidden away. Try not to let their questions upset you as I'm sure they're not deliberately doing it to hurt you.
 

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Your Assumptions
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The OP has already stated that they do not think the people concerned actually realize it is hurtful; therefore, I do not understand what difference it would make to feeling hurt (or not) by pointing out to them that it was not intentional.

The OP and others already indicate the understanding that some hurtful things are not done out of spite. If their existence goes unnoticed in a consistent and abnormal way, what difference does it make to their pain by pointing out that it was not intentional, since they already think/know this? Anyway, whether someone realizes it's intentional or not, it's still going to hurt simply because having your existence go unnoticed is painful.
 

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I accepted the fact that I was the ghost in highschool, and would continue to be one in college. I graduated a year ago, and it was pretty true. At my new job, I ran into 3 people who were in my class. We recognize each other, but I never talked to any of them, so there's just nothing to say. I'm very chummy with my new co-workers, and one of the loud mouths, but when I run into them, they bring the ghost out.
 

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Protector of the Den
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I wish people hadn't noticed me in high school. I was infamous as being someone to pick on. Not being noticed can be a good thing.
 

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That situation would make me feel bad too. But try not to take it personal. Why haven't they seen you before? Have you spoke to any of them previously? Generally, people are so caught up in their own world that they only recognize things important to them, like people they know. And if you don't know them, they probably just never recognized you. Give them a reason to. Introduce yourself next time. If you're meeting them at school, you already have something in common. Good luck, try to cheer up and realize there is nothing wrong with you, they just don't know you...yet.
 

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My company recruits a lot of grads from the place I went to college. I don't work with them directly, but it makes things awkward when I'm at an event and I meet one of them. "Oh really, you went there? What major were you? Huh, that was my major too. What class were you? Weird, I've never seen you before."
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
That situation would make me feel bad too. But try not to take it personal. Why haven't they seen you before? Have you spoke to any of them previously? Generally, people are so caught up in their own world that they only recognize things important to them, like people they know. And if you don't know them, they probably just never recognized you. Give them a reason to. Introduce yourself next time. If you're meeting them at school, you already have something in common. Good luck, try to cheer up and realize there is nothing wrong with you, they just don't know you...yet.
Awww....that was really nice. So true my friend, so very true! I'm definitely trying to cheer up and I must say, just going out and doing things with people helps me to forget about the past......thanks
 

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A lot of times when someone first meets me they say, "I've never seen you before." "You go here?" I don't think people realize how much this hurts my feelings. Its like I'm the invisible girl. I literally cry about this. No one is going to look back at college and think of me........apparently I wasn't there. In addition, it seems like everyone knows everyone. It's a small school, about 2,000 people. Why does this bother me? Does anyone else feel this way? I'm so sad right now.....no one cares about me.......
I think the part I bolded is the key thing here. They probably don't mean to hurt your feelings. They probably don't know it hurts your feelings. Everybody is different. Some of us are way more sensitive than others. Those who aren't so sensitive don't really always notice or think about the impact their words and actions have on other people.

Anyway, the funny thing is, I find it kind of comforting to be anonymous in public. I would rather not be the center of attention at all. I'm perfectly happy in a quiet corner.

Another thing you could consider, it may be a comparatively small school but 2,000 people is a lot of people. I'm sure there are people who will see you and recognize you from time to time but if you're sort of a quiet, passive person, it's fairly normal for people not to really notice you in a crowd.
 
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