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So lately I have been thinking negatively about the whole friendship concept. Since I was in school as a child I could never relate to people. I spent most of of my school years friendless. Middle school-High school were probably the worst years of my life. Dropped out as soon I was old enough. As I grew into adulthood I found making friends even more difficult. Aside from the usual co-workers interactions that frankly were always stressful thanks to the S.A. For a while I was OK with having no friends, simply going with the flow. At work if anyone talked to my I would talk to them if not I wouldn't. I could never take the initiative. I absolutely CANNOT approach anyone and start a conversation. Lately it has been bugging me a lot more to not have that "best friend" that I can trust or talk to about anything. Someone I can go out to have lunch with or movies...

So in order for me to justify the ZERO friends I have, I have been thinking that maybe friendship is overrated. That really no one can possibly understand another. Of course I'm only fooling myself because I see how others interact with their friends and I find it fascinating how a bond can be that strong. The problem with me is that I can't go out and meet anyone who would wanna be friends with me. I will continue to lie to myself if in fact friendship is great and continue to say to myself "who needs friends?"
 

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Well, it seems you've already answered yourself :lol.

As you seem to understand the "who need friends?" attitude is more often than not a coping mechanism, because it's very hurtful and damaging when we find ourselves incapable of fulfilling such a basic and essential necessity of life, it makes us feel broken, rejected and inadequate and so our mind often needs a way to protects us from those feelings, which it does through the "I didn't want/need that anyway" mindset.

Still, what options are there?, cross our arms, surrender and wait for death?, there's only one chance at life and then we're done for so I've always believed that if we're going to go down we may as well go down fighting to the end.

Try reaching out to younger people or older people, or people with whom you would never though you could relate, try settings and activities you would never consider, online or offline, anything really. Because once we give up we may as well be dead.
 

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I'm new here and I absolutely agree with your question. Certainly people like us suffering anxiety can't be understood. Like for me. A lot of the times I come across as rude and if others don't know why you act a certain way and they assume "oh this guy is rude how he talks" but they don't know that I'm really dying inside and the stupid anxiety always messes up everything. I have no friends but it don't bother me. They always let you down. I had a fiend that I though cared and she ended up making fun I me so I'm done with that
 

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I've had a few friends in the past, usually one after another over the years. The last one I had started treating me like a second class human until I got into a rage and then it was pretty much done for, because to him, it was "my fault" I'm so weak with people.

Interestingly, I dont' think people see I'm rude except initially. Then I think most people think I'm scared to death of others and such a lame loser. People can see my fear easily. And of course it's led to a maddening , guilty and meaningless alone life. And the same conundrum, I don't want friends who will just make my life miserable and push me around. I want "good" friends who won't bug me and judge me, but of course that not reality.

Still I would rather people think I'm just an overly nice guy, than a rude sob. I think it's because I would rather not be threatening out of cowardice, with the only "excuse" is the usual severe SA paranoia of always "feeling" being judged and scrutinized and hostile thoughts constantly. But mockery riles me up pretty bad too. Of course, there are days I don't care, and I'm too angry to the point where I am really rude. But then they lock you up anyway (i.e. label, ostracize, etc. in any situation ) for crazily overreacting.
 

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