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Hiding In My Den
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Was wondering if there was anyone else who feels they like who they are as a person and feels that the problem is mostly nobody else likes them? I feel my SA is rational because almost every time I have contact with people they end up disliking me.
 

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No, I don't think my SA is rational, I kinda feel you need to see that it's irrational to be able to overcome it x]
 

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I'm in the mode of feeling its pretty rational because of all the negative experiences I've had when I was fighting against it and trying to act "normal" in the "real world" - but I realize that's extremely counter-productive in overcoming it and am trying to get around that mode of thinking.
 

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I don't think there's anything rational about (my) SA. I see where you're coming from, but it's probably the SA/depression/low self-confidence talking.
 

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My SA is completely rational, in that it's based on my continued experiences:

A. People stare at me because they think I walk oddly. This is because I have scoliosis. Nonetheless, those who aren't used to seeing me walk will openly stare as I do so. I'm trying to keep myself from getting uncomfortable in those situations, but I can't deny that they're really happening.

B. A lot of new acquaintances don't trust me because I don't smile a lot. I'm trying to like my smile, but it's hard for me to do so with the knowledge that several very down-to-earth women have told me I'm more attractive when I'm not smiling.

C. I'm an "artsy" guy in a town full of ********. So whether I like it or not, I stick out.

I don't feel as though nobody likes me, because I can see that some people do. But I certainly feel singled out. I can blame some of it on my environment.
 

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I do. I compare my anxiety to that of someone with dyscalculia taking a math test, or someone who is physically unfit being entered in a race. I'm just not good at social situations at all, and so I feel it's perfectly natural for me to be scared of them. And yeah, I also get the feeling that anyone who I try to connect with ends up not liking me in the end. I've tried getting to know people before and putting myself out there (both in person and on the internet), but it never works. People may be interested in getting to know me at first, but it quickly pans out. It's just hard to stay positive and hope for the best when none of my efforts to make friends seem to work, when it seems as though everyone will inevitably dislike me.
 

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Whiterabbit,


I think you have a skewed, unrealistic view of yourself. You claim to be unintelligent, yet your post was extremely well written, thoughtful and well communicated. Someone "unintelligent" could not have written it nearly so well. I bet your other low-self esteem views of yourself are inaccurate as well.

I agree with your point in saying that the reactions are not rational. I realize that though my reasoning may be rational, my reactions to my reasons are not rational.
 

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"Everyone Hates Me." That is the most ridiculous statement i have ever seen. The only way I could believe this is if you asked everyone you knew straight to their face if they hate you. If they all said yes, I would question whether you were being extremely rude, offensive, or mean to them. People just don't hate other people for no reason. Let me ask you something. Out of all the people you hate, is there a reason why you don't like them? Of course there is. Have you ever, at any time during your life, looked at a person from a distance and decided that you hated them without even knowing anything about them? I know I haven't. And I have a reason for every person I don't like. Now unless you walk around in a neo nazi outfit or dress like the taliban and hold a RPG over your head, there is no reason why everyone you knw hates you. Which leaves only one conclusion. Your self talk, which is naturally not accurate, has become so implanted into your subconscious thought, that even when presented the opportunity to reject these false thoughts with reason, you still hang on to them. You my friend, have a lot to think about.

Me on the other hand, I really don't notice my self talk. It must really be built in there. I don't really know what im thinking when i get nervous. I just get nervous around people. Ill find the thoughts once i start therapy. The only thing i know about my anxiety is that people notice, and act differently towards me than people who I am comfortable around. Which basically means my SA is having a negative impact on my appeal. Wait. Shouldnt i be associating SA with looking bad in public? Shouldnt my negative thoughts be automatically thinking "why are you so nervous?" "looking nervous only makes you look stupider." Therefore, shouldnt my subconscious thought prevent me from feeling nervous? If only
 

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crazy
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Whiterabbit,
I think you have a skewed, unrealistic view of yourself. You claim to be unintelligent, yet your post was extremely well written, thoughtful and well communicated. Someone "unintelligent" could not have written it nearly so well. I bet your other low-self esteem views of yourself are inaccurate as well.
I have to agree with this, whiterabbit, and I also like the things you've written in the Random Thought of the Day thread. So yeah, your negative thoughts are probably skewing your perceptions.

Regarding this thread though, I think SA really messes with your ability to have normal interactions with people. It inhibits you, makes your brain shut down so no thoughts or ideas occur to you, makes you tense and nervous and overly attentive to people's reactions, so you come off as boring, aloof, nervous, and/or conceited. But that's not you or your personality - that's you with everything about you completely buried!
 

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Some amount of anxiety is rational but it seems that you think its rational because you have a very negative self image.

I saw myself and my thinking was much the same way as you until I started going to therapy. Therapy usually helps to dispel a lot of the false beliefs.

I still have a fairly negative self image but I have learned to identify and try to change these beliefs.

One thing I look at is is "how if this belief helping me?". The answer is usually "It helps me to feel safe". This makes sense because anxious thoughts have only one function and that is to encourage us to get to an environment where we feel safe.

Eventually anxious people end up designing their life around events/places/people that make them feel safe. This can lead to situations where people just sit in their room all day because its the only place they truly feel safe.

The trick is to learn to take meds and learn thought changing techniques to help you feel safer in more situations. The essence of it is that people really can't function all that well when they feel threatened; this is basically what SA is in a nutshell.
 

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Hiding In My Den
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Discussion Starter #14
Some amount of anxiety is rational but it seems that you think its rational because you have a very negative self image.

I saw myself and my thinking was much the same way as you until I started going to therapy. Therapy usually helps to dispel a lot of the false beliefs.

I still have a fairly negative self image but I have learned to identify and try to change these beliefs.

One thing I look at is is "how if this belief helping me?". The answer is usually "It helps me to feel safe". This makes sense because anxious thoughts have only one function and that is to encourage us to get to an environment where we feel safe.

Eventually anxious people end up designing their life around events/places/people that make them feel safe. This can lead to situations where people just sit in their room all day because its the only place they truly feel safe.

The trick is to learn to take meds and learn thought changing techniques to help you feel safer in more situations. The essence of it is that people really can't function all that well when they feel threatened; this is basically what SA is in a nutshell.
I question if you read my post and not just the thread title. My self image is fine, I don't think badly about myself, its just that others don't like me. I don't mean strangers on the street really, I mean once people get to know me they don't like me. All my social experiences even online end up negatively, for example last night in world of warcraft I joined an instance run and they failed to explain all the loot rules to me, the item I won was reward to someone else, I then spoke up and 1 other person spoke up with me and their was about 10 other people yelling as us and telling us to stfu.......that kind of stuff is quite common with my social experiences because I speak up when someone is either lying to me or screwing me over. I'm constantly disliked just for being an honest, good, kind person. Even this thread is evidence of how others dislike me...notice how with another poster 2 people were quick to say how they liked them, I didn't get the same. Anyway, I don't think everyone dislikes me just 99% of people...which is fine I guess since most people suck anyway.
 

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People with SA tend to take things personally. I know, I do. Anything that is posted sometimes on sites that doesn't agree with my own view sometimes, I tend to internalize it. It makes me feel bad. Though, everyone obviously has a right to their own personal opinion and own belief system. Just take in what you believe and disregard the rest.

Sounds like the people above maybe were playing the world of warcraft game dishonestly. Though, I can't speak since I know nothing about the game. Seems like those five who were being dishonest, maybe overruled the two of you. It doesn't mean that everyone is going to be like this.

People in my life seem to be very mean to me at times when I'm not the one shouting and yelling at people all the time. Yet, I feel like it's being constantly done to me. It's made me shut down. Maybe all these aversive experiences have made you think that you don't want to try again cause you will just get burned. I hear ya!
 

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Yeah, I think Whiterabbit has just laid out classic social anxiety symptoms. He thinks he is boring, dull etc but he/she does not realise that the only reason people "don't like him" or thinks he/she is not very interesting is BECAUSE of his social anxiety. It prevents him from acting naturally. There is no proper way to act socially. If you see some of the worse, most boring or obnoxious people thriving socially, you will realise that you don't have to be a certain way to achieve friendship or social companionship. You just have to be yourself. Social anxiety causes social awkwardness and that is why people avoid you. He also said that he was not intelligent but his post was extremely articulate and well written!?!

I know these things but I am still socially anxious, therefore yes I do realise that my symptoms are irrational. I think that yes, some people will not like me or will find me boring, but the difference between me and someone who is not socially anxious is that I care about it, I cannot stand it when someone forms a negative opinion or reaction to me. Other people couldn't give a damn.
 

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Was wondering if there was anyone else who feels they like who they are as a person and feels that the problem is mostly nobody else likes them? I feel my SA is rational because almost every time I have contact with people they end up disliking me.
It might be that they don't really dislike you at all and that you're perceiving that or it might be that your lack of social practice is making you come across as weird, that's easily remedied by getting more practice in socialising.
 

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I seem to exist in a world that clearly was not made for me. I fit the world about as well as my size 13 foot fits a size 8 shoe.

Of the people I've met in real life every single one of them without exception has ended up dumping me, blowing me off, or stabbing me in the back. Experience suggests I'm not at all popular. And even then I have to edit my thoughts so as to not offend them, and still I manage to drive every one of them away by simply being me.
 

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Geese
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As UKPhobe stated, I think you will find that it's your SA which makes you act in ways which seem strange to others, but your SA in itself is still based on irrational thoughts. i know for one that my SA is most definitely irrational, of course even though I realise this it still does not change the fact I feel severely anxious in my provoking situation even if it makes no logical sense in the first place.

And that is where the challenge lies, actually becoming subconsciously aware of the irrational beliefs and changing the thought processes to match that of your logical mind.
 

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Frostie
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I read an article about a study on depression that said depressed people are more realistic about their abilities and shortcomings than happy people are. I believe that people with depression and anxiety disorders are hyper-rational. The highly confident, social butterflies of this world have delusional beliefs about their importance and ability. They go through life unaware of how mediocre they are.
 
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