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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Alright so heres my biggest issue. I just cant talk. I can talk one on one (sometimes) but when I'm in a group I just feel like, I get too nervous ya know? When I use to go out and drink and just be talking non stop but even know I drink, I dont really talk, I"m just mellow. Is that part of s.a.? Or is that something completely different? Maybe I'm just boring and I need to take up some interests in order to talk? You know like "Hey Ted, so how bout them (insert favorite nfl football team here)?" I just sometimes feel that I"m not myself when I'm with people, and the only time I'm really myself is when I"m with family.
 

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That's related to SA. I feel the same a lot of the time. Then there are times when I can think of something to say but I don't want to say it in case they 'judge' me. But I think with me having little-to-no life adds to my having sh!t-all to say. :roll
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
That's related to SA. I feel the same a lot of the time. Then there are times when I can think of something to say but I don't want to say it in case they 'judge' me. But I think with me having little-to-no life adds to my having sh!t-all to say. :roll
Yeah..thats happen to me, then theres times where I've mustered up enough courage to say it then I just feel like a fool after.

Or, I'll think about saying something way after it has happened then it just gets to me, thinking why I didn't say it ya know?
 

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Yeah..thats happen to me, then theres times where I've mustered up enough courage to say it then I just feel like a fool after.

Or, I'll think about saying something way after it has happened then it just gets to me, thinking why I didn't say it ya know?
I've been there. It's completely normal. Many of us have a very strong inner monologue which can almost lead to a state of near social paralysis.

One technique that I used in the past was to force myself to say something, anything every 2-3 minutes.
 

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One technique that I used in the past was to force myself to say something, anything every 2-3 minutes.
Is it because after a long period of no talking you feel like you just can't talk anymore even when you do have an opinion? That's how I feel, I reckon I have to do what you do.
 

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My difficulty in conversation mainly lies with starting one, namely with strangers. Also if I'm in a group situation I tend to be the quiet one. But once I get going and comfortable with the situation I tend to be pretty talkative.
 

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I have never been able to converse effectively with others. I can't think of the right words. I can't organize my thoughts. I become so nervous that I have no recall of facts or events at the point of conversation. I can't debate an issue during a face-to-face interaction because of this.

This is why I write. When I write, the words and ideas flow with (relative) ease. The odd thing is that, while I do enjoy the writing process, whenever I turn in my work for review I absolutely freak out. There are times when I've pushed deadlines because of my insecurity around having others see what I've written.

It's crazy!
 

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I have troubles starting and keeping a conversation going, I don't know how people do it. I chat with this friend of mine online and we have long pauses where she wonders if I'm still there because I have no idea what the heck to say.
 

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I can talk one-on-one with my friend and my close family but otherwise it's just jumbled responses to questions with other one-on-one 'conversations', and then in group conversations I say nothing. I'm supposed to be at an evening class right now, but for many reasons I quit after 1 class, wasting loads of money. At the one class I went to, there was a point when just about the whole class were talking together, excitedly and whilst I didn't actually feel completely out of it because everyone was new to each other, I just could not contribute in any way at all. Which is the story of my life.
 

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It's hard for me to find a place to break into a group conversation with a comment, and when I do it often doesn't seem to be heard. I also have trouble even following group conversations in a lot of situations.
 

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That's related to SA. I feel the same a lot of the time. Then there are times when I can think of something to say but I don't want to say it in case they 'judge' me.
That's my problem, too. Sometimes, especially when people are debating or talking about something they're really passionate about, I'll think of something to say, but I'm afraid to say it because I don't want to offend them or make them angry. I feel like everything that pops into my head would be exactly the wrong thing to say.
 

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I guess I can talk and have a convo but I just don't ever feel comfy doing it. Just really nervous. I need to be prompted by someone else or else I don't say anything. I can have a conversation with you all day if you keep prompting me to speak and you will find me attentive, articulate, insightful and helpful, but ask me to come up with something on my own and it's a different story. Deadpan. I got plenty to say but none of it finds it's way out. Like a whole world going on in here with no bridge to reality.
 

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*Raises hand so fast, shoulder dislocates*
 

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I have never been able to converse effectively with others. I can't think of the right words. I can't organize my thoughts. I become so nervous that I have no recall of facts or events at the point of conversation. I can't debate an issue during a face-to-face interaction because of this.

This is why I write. When I write, the words and ideas flow with (relative) ease. The odd thing is that, while I do enjoy the writing process, whenever I turn in my work for review I absolutely freak out. There are times when I've pushed deadlines because of my insecurity around having others see what I've written.

It's crazy!
This is exactly the same for me. If I am talking to someone I stumble over my words and struggle to order my thoughts into coherent sentences. It is as though my mind just shuts down and goes blank. I will be attempting to recount an event or something and then I will just suddenly stop because I can't think of the word I need! Whereas if I write, the thoughts and words just seem to flow.
 

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I can relate to a lot of this. The fear of speaking because you might be judged is a big one. I also don't speak up because of confidence issues.
The whole conversing one on one vs a crowd is another I struggle with. One on ones are more difficult for me, I think i'm focusing on what the other person is saying, but that is drowned out with the inner chatter in my head sometoimes. And sometimes I have what I feel is real pertinant substance to contribute, and I get in a hurry to blurt it out. Sometimes it's almost like I get over anxious and interupt the person. Or sometimes I wait and keep my little gem of conversation and by the time I get a chance to share it, the conversation has moved on elsewhere, wasting rare subject matter.
Crowds of 3 or 4 seem to be a little easier for me, I don't get it. Then the larger the crowd gets after that is no mans land for me, I prefer not to go there.
 

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Yep. Same here *raises hand*

I can even remember one time in 4th or 5th grade, when a kid yelled out hurry and get to the bus *expletive name* while I was running towards the bus, and I remember thinking to say "hurry up and have that baby" because he was a fat little chubby kid, but I think something like "shut up" came out instead. lol I really don't know why I still remember that moment so clearly.
But that is common. To live inside my head so to speak, and can't seem to be able to get them out into words. And when they do come out into words, all I can think then is "holy **** I'm talking" and hearing the words come out, which is another reason I lose focus.
If a conversation has been going a while and I feel comfortable with the person, I can usually get into what I'm saying (as little as it may be). I also suffer from the no experience = nothing to talk about syndrome.
I always thought talking to myself out loud would help. I keep saying I'm going to do that to see if it helps, but I always forget. I'll do it now.
Ok now I don't know what to say lol. I'll try again later.
 

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I totally agree. I feel like I have to say something. But can't. Loads of things to say go round in my mind but I fear what people will think if I say these things. So I don't say anything. Also agree with only being myself around family. I wish I could be how I am around family with others.
 

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This is exactly the same for me. If I am talking to someone I stumble over my words and struggle to order my thoughts into coherent sentences. It is as though my mind just shuts down and goes blank. I will be attempting to recount an event or something and then I will just suddenly stop because I can't think of the word I need! Whereas if I write, the thoughts and words just seem to flow.
This.

I find it hard to speak before I think, I end up with stilted speech with random pauses for a few seconds at a time - for example I could be looking at the object in a sentence e.g "I need a knife to chop this (pause) .... onion". I guess it's a case of one's mind going into overdrive when interacting with others.

I also agree with the other post mentioning running out of things to say, I have nothing in common in terms of interests with anybody who I am in regular contact with, so 'conversations' last for a few sentences before usually resorting to forcing extremely awkward small-talk.
 

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This.

I find it hard to speak before I think, I end up with stilted speech with random pauses for a few seconds at a time - for example I could be looking at the object in a sentence e.g "I need a knife to chop this (pause) .... onion". I guess it's a case of one's mind going into overdrive when interacting with others.
Ditto this except replace the pause with "like" or "um.."- I think this is a problem for almost all of my verbal communication - I hardly ever think befoer I speak (speaking too fast probably has a say in this). It gets particularly noticeable when I am nervous. In the more "severe" cases, I would start a sentence, only to realise that I can't finish the sentence because it's the wrong type of sentence to use and then have to restart what I was saying by using the correct sentence (if that makes any sense).

As for conversing in general, most of the time I am ok with it as, if I have something to ocntribute then I will. If I am not very comfortable with someone, I can attempt small talk.

This is why I write. When I write, the words and ideas flow with (relative) ease. The odd thing is that, while I do enjoy the writing process, whenever I turn in my work for review I absolutely freak out. There are times when I've pushed deadlines because of my insecurity around having others see what I've written.

It's crazy!
Ditto this as well - I hate showing people what I've written, sometimes out of the sheer embarrassment that when I write, I am not at all this person I am in real life.
 
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