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I've had this same problem all my life. I get really into one thing and devote alot of my time to it, then I completely switch mind sets and get started on something else, leaving me levitating in a state of perpetual mediocracy.


for example. I played guitar in high school. Some events lead to a break up with the instrument, haven't picked it up since. Went to college for Film, during college met the drums, fell in love, I still play drums every day. Graduated college, career was getting started, worked on 3 feature films, a commercial and several short films. Got DUI which caused me to loose a job, ONE job.

All the while, quitting and starting again on film scripts, novels, pieces of prose ignited then extinguished just as redily as a stove top burner.

Decided to quit because anxiety and depression was ruling my life at the time, but ambition was not lost completely. Moved to a different state, enrolled in music classes, fell in love with the piano. Still continued drums. Anxiety kicks in "everybody is way more advanced than you because you quit when you were a teen and didn't pick up drums till college." "It's too late to become proficient." "You're wasting you're money on what should be a hobby." "You'll never get a job as a musician, you started way to late."

I learned quick but didn't give myself a chance. The anxiety of accumulating more debt mixed with my percieved lack of compidence lead me to believe that to unenroll was the logical answer.

Now trying to get back into film. Anxiety and feeling worthless has destroyed alot of my confidence and left me teetering between subjects, popping in and out of existance just as readily as a thought.

I would like to know if anyone experiences this.

When you really dig deep and try to find the root of your poblem, you're confronted with static. White noise. The combination of all frequiencies, just getting louder and louder like a bad dream.
 

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alien monk
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8,658 Posts
anxiety seems to be a great driver of creativity. you sound very creative. keep going and you'll find your thing.
 
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