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Lost
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok so this is about a girl that I think is sooo hot but I don't know her that well.

So we met through mutual friends and she used to text me quite a bit a while back, but we never really did anything together in person. About four or five months ago she started texting me again after I saw her at a wedding and she has been texting me every day or every few days since then. She never really says much and she always says 'what you doin' and most of the talk is about random stuff and it never really goes that deep. I tried to meet up with her a few months ago but she didn't sound that enthusiastic about it so I gave up on trying.

Recently I saw her and we hung out with our mutual friends...she barely said a word to me the whole time and kinda ignored me really...it is really weird because she has been texting me but doesnt talk to me in person. She then continued to text me after this event. I don't always reply to her texts, but she just keeps constantly sending them every couple of days. She is really social and has heaps of friends and she is basically texting on her phone all day.

I don't know what she wants really. I mean normally if a girl is texting you that you dont know very well you would assume she wants to know you and meet up with you...but this girl has given no intention of that at all really...and if i suggest something she gives a kind of whatever response.

I have asked her why she keeps texting me but she just doesn't really answer the question and then shes like 'do you hate me?'

I need to decide whether I should A - Keep texting back and have this meaningless small talk that doesn't go anywhere; B - Assume that she is using me for attention and doesn't ever want to know me and tell her to f**k off; C - Make an effort to meet up with her and have lunch or whatever (this is hard because I have very low self esteem and SA obviously...I wish she would ask me to lunch actually)

I don't really want to tell her to f**k off cause I am really attracted to her and I don't have many opportunities to hang out with girls...and I don't want to ask her out or whatever because then I would have to make all the moves ya know...and why should I shes texting me! and just texting her back small talk drives me nuts because I don't know where I stand with her...argh!

thoughts?
 

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unashamed perv
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Yeah, the situation does soud confusing. I guess if you find her attractive, you should tell her! If she doesn't let you know where you stand, then you'll just need to ask. I know it's embarrassing, and hard to do. I think most girls would respond politely and honestly to a "look, I think you're hot and I really like you, but am I wasting my time?" and if she doesn't give you a proper response, tell her to get lost.
 

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thoughts?
Ask her out or get over her. And by "out" I mean a "wanna do lunch?" sort of thing. Avoid the words "go out" and "date". Meet up one on one and take it from there.

Don't tell her she looks "hot". If she really is, then she'll get that a lot. You'll lump yourself in with all the drooling monkeys she's got chasing after her. If she wanted one of them, she'd already be with them (maybe she is, who knows). Separate yourself from those lunkheads. Be different.
 

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Frankly
 

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Sorry i didn't mean to send that first one yet. but what i was going to say is that i really think that she likes you. I think she is expecting you to make a move and that maybe she likes you so much that you make her nervous but shes doesnt want you to know that. My cousin acts like this all the time when she likes a guys and I actually do too lol. I wouldn't want to be openly honest about liking someone if I dont think or not sure that they will reciprecate the feeling. She either wants too be 150% sure that you like her for her to make a move on you or she wants you to make the move.
 

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Ask her out or get over her. And by "out" I mean a "wanna do lunch?" sort of thing. Avoid the words "go out" and "date". Meet up one on one and take it from there.

Don't tell her she looks "hot". If she really is, then she'll get that a lot. You'll lump yourself in with all the drooling monkeys she's got chasing after her. If she wanted one of them, she'd already be with them (maybe she is, who knows). Separate yourself from those lunkheads. Be different.
QFT.. make her go out with you. You only need to do it once. "I'm doing blah blah blah. You need to come." Gauge her interest from there. It's really hard to tell about these kinds of things if all you're doing is texting.
 

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resident classicist
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I've done this to men before. Men that I really liked. For me, it was because texting or IM is so impersonal, I can basically share whatever I feel like. But then an in-person encounter is bizarre, because I display all those lovely anxiety symptoms like clamming up, blushing, stammering, etc.

Ask her to meet one-on-one (but don't say that specifically, that might be a little... I dunno... pushy sounding, I suppose). "Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me at The Coffee Shop this Wednesday?" I'd mention a specific day, just saying "sometime" makes it some far-off possibility that she's very likely to forget about without even noticing. Then, either she'll say yes, or she'll say that Wednesday doesn't work for her (at which time you suggest a different day or ask her which day she's free), or she'll just say no (this would be a really *****y thing for her to say because there's no romantic subtext to two friends getting coffee together, but it still could happen).
 

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Lost
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Yeah maybe she does want to know me and is just shy about it...but maybe not i dunno. I did tell her a few months ago that I thought she is gorgeous and she was like i don't think you'd like me if you knew me...and also she is hung up on this other guy also that she has been with on and off. But she is an extreme people person and is constantly talking to people...so maybe she just sees me as an acquaintance. The other thing is that I know she used to like me a couple of years ago and she was texting me non-stop then and then it just fizzled out and she pretty much stopped talking to me until just recently. So anyway this is a silly awkward situation that has come about mainly because of my social anxiety.

I will ask her out to lunch sometime next week and it will be interesting to see what she says. I'm a little bit worried about maintaining a conversation with her because I'll probably get a bit nervous. But yeah I definitely need to do this.
 

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its sounds like you like her; and you don't really enjoy the texting conversation..you want more..then for you I think you need to take the risk of losing your friendship which is kind of annoying to you right now anyways, and try to take it deeper..yes ask her to do something alone in person..something you enjoy, and where you will both have fun...from what you have said, she might possibly like you, but I'm leaning towards no, not much at all, because any girl who's liked me has always been VERY enthusiastic about meeting to do something, and the fact that she isn't really to me suggests she's not interested, not that things couldn't really take off once you meet again, but I think the ball is in your court entirely to make something happen here..
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
This sux...

I asked her out to lunch and she then took ages to respond...and then said "maybe, but im real busy with assignments at the moment...I'll get back to you". Before that she said she spent the last couple of days with her best friend (who is a guy that she has been on and off with)...so im really annoyed. I dunno if she is going to blow me off, but why can't she say something more positive and she cant be spending all day doing assignments.

I really hate this other guy he is a douche bag...I think she might be more keen on me if he wasnt around. Yeah so I dunno what she is thinking, but im glad this silly situation is almost coming to an end.
 

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from what you say, she's not really interseted in you at all...

I could be wrong..but thats my sense..when I really like someone I tend to imagine interest that isn't there...from what you say that seems possible, but again I could be completely wrong..
 
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