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When I was younger, in elementary school through the beginning of high school, I had few to no friends--the friends I might have had I didn't consider friends. It's an issue I still have; I don't want to overstep my boundaries all call anyone a friend. It's the same reason I will never send a friendship request on Facebook. Eventually I attained a few friends in high school, but was still alone when not in class with them. I didn't mind being alone because I'd grown used to it, but the thought of being judged for being alone still irks me.

Entering college alone, I reverted back to my insecure hateful mindset. That feeling that talking to people is burdening them, and that I am the most boring person, wondering how I even had the friends in high school--essentially, self-loathing. But one person talked to me and I found myself confiding in him and I learned from him that these thoughts weren't normal. Since then, I declared myself tired of being depressed and alone so I've been motivated to put myself in social situations and I try to ignore the voice that tells me I am being a burden. And usually I am still quiet and notably, but people tend to like my smile.

I know it is not normal to fear greeting people for fear that I am burdening them by making them greet me back, or choosing to not write an Email to a professor even though that could be detrimental to my grade, or not wanting to make a phone call even when it is my college finances on the line, and I know I am awkward eating in front of people because I don't like to be seen or heard. As of now, my friends are limited to those I see in class so I never really hang out with people except in moments of great courage with a select few people. As a member of my college orchestra, I play poorly because I am tense for fear that those around me will think I am a bad player. As an aspiring teacher, I am afraid I will fail because people scare me.

It will get better. It is getting better already. However, comparatively, it is already not so bad as others. Do I have social anxiety disorder, or simply social anxieties?
 

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Iam building a religion
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i say when you feel like its really affecting how you function.
 

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Hey Miss Bee welcome. :hyper
 

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Welcome, MissBee! :)
 

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Hi! It sound like you got social anxiety. I used to hate eating infront of people too but am getting better at it tho. Can really only eat in front of people im probably comfortable with. It does slowly get better over time!
 
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