Social Anxiety Support Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
460 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
so i was in class today talking to probably one of three people who would give me the time of day about job searching. were all graduating by the end of the month and it seems like a 1/3 if not more of the class has an offer or something in the pipeline. I told my friend I had no interview, I'm leaving the current city for home, nyc, which is extremely competitive and over saturated with nurses. Then we started talking about salary. In nyc bc of the cost of living, the salaries get inflated too, like 10-20k more than the area of my current school. At which pt., the room being small enough for eavesdropping, a girl I barely talk to interrupts to tell me taxes will shrink my salary. I reply it's ok im getting taxed only 18% or so. She then does the math for me. I mention I plan and don't mind doing overtime. (I have loans to pay). She then abruptly drops the convo and turns around to talk with someone else. If I had wanted to be mean, I would have pointed out that being in the same state we would be taxed at a similar rate making the ratio of our potential salaries the same. Even if I get taxed and she doesn't NYC salary still trumps hers. :) I don't of course...but wtfff????? Are you serious? This person barely talks to me only to interrupt to share that delightful piece of info.

I don't think I've over-reacted here but being in this program has seriously zapped my confidence and also my response to prickish comments like those. Anger, I've learned gets you in trouble so I've held a lot back. However in doing so....I can't say I haven't walked away countless times this yr feeling like sh1t
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Like your title says it can be a fine line. I used to do one of two things. I'd just lose it and they always backed down, or were startled (I felt like crap afterward), or I would hold it in and wrestle with it in my mind (not good)....Later, I learned to take some time and formulate a FORCEFUL, but polite response. People who act as you have described rarely if ever experience that reaction, that's part of the reason they go on saying and acting as they do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
460 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
yea, I do both. I either blow up and feel awful about it after wards, or I ruminate and feel stupid. What would have been a polite, FORCEFUL reaction in this case.....

"wow, you're so concerned about my taxes"
"im flattered you're so concerned about my finances...aww"

actually, i like the last one, but I can't walk around preparing myself to be patronized. I'm only quick with the responses if I expect it. then it makes me jumpy and puts me in a bad mood the whole day.

edit: actually none of those responses are polite. Theyre funny...oh damn..i lost my edge. I can't take cr8p but I feel bad about dishing it. or question myself too much
 

·
inactive
Joined
·
4,029 Posts
Are you sure she wasn't just trying to be helpful?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
460 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
if we talked normally, or she added the tax can suck, be careful of taxes bc of x, y and z it would have seemed more helpful
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
I understand what you're saying about expecting the response. It's a good point. Sometimes people burst out with things where I'm just in awe :D....But, seriously that's THEIR problem (everybody is not so "OK" as we think sometimes). There is a healthy medium between people who may have difficulties like those with SA, and those who say what the hell ever they'd like. In that case I let it pass, but just be prepared next time for a good response if you feel like it is someone you will deal with, or a situation which comes up a lot....I'm not a guru,lol. Just laying down some things I felt helped me :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
460 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
there should be one..like an anger guru or a cr8p taking one..lol Question is in general, how much do we let slide for sanity sake, and when do we start flinging back before we become a dumpster...Though with certain people I agree, its better to be guarded.

I personally use to fling on sight but have gotten splattered myself once too many times...lol..ok, im going to stop w.the analogies. Did I mention I'm in nursing school. were used to poop.
 

·
Sooo..come here often?
Joined
·
204 Posts
If I had wanted to be mean, I would have pointed out that being in the same state we would be taxed at a similar rate making the ratio of our potential salaries the same. Even if I get taxed and she doesn't NYC salary still trumps hers. :) I don't of course...but wtfff????? Are you serious? This person barely talks to me only to interrupt to share that delightful piece of info.

I don't think I've over-reacted here but being in this program has seriously zapped my confidence and also my response to prickish comments like those. Anger, I've learned gets you in trouble so I've held a lot back. However in doing so....I can't say I haven't walked away countless times this yr feeling like sh1t
Reading your post, I think you merely stood your ground. Stated facts. Some people just take things up the wrong way. Don't beat yourself up over it. If she's like me, then she takes things personally very easily and usually interprets things the wrong way, even if the speaker doesn't mean it like that. So really, it wasn't anything you said or did wrong;)
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top