I was pretty depressed in the years following school & to cope I was damn near always drinking. Unfortunately it wasn’t to a point of merry spirits. I began to feel as though my inability to open up about what was bothering me & my feelings plus being tipsy almost all the time was a burden on those around me. As a result I simply stopped keeping in touch over time & now haven’t taken th initiative to get back in touch
I did drugs, alcohol and cigarettes to cope for many years but I ditched old school friends when I moved to a different state 11 years ago. Then after a few years in the new state and doing drugs, alcohol and making new friends again I quit and then ditched them too.
I also quit smoking a couple years ago so I only have my wife these days.
I have a habit of ditching people/friends and then disappearing. Many people I come to know, I eventually lose contact with them. Usually it's my fault. I'll stop talking to them or i'll stop answering my phone which is most often the case. And eventually they give up trying to get in contact with me. I don't think I know how to keep friends. It is an ongoing pattern for me. Some of these people were not bad people at all. I can't think of a reason why, I do it. The end result is me just being more alone. Maybe it's a defense mechanism that triggers when people are getting too close to me?
That's me, I just disappear. It's been an ongoing pattern in my life. I don't know why I do it. It's like I start feeling trapped and want to get away from everything. I always wanted to go somewhere where nobody knew me...
So I did it, and lost touch with just about everyone from my past. Now I have the nerve to complain that I'm lonely. And at my age, I'm finding it almost impossible to reach out and make friends again.
I've done this all my life. I had a group of friends some of who I knew since I was 4 or 5 years old, right through school and college; but on the day we had to go and collect our A-Level results (when we were 19) I went alone, got my results and left, and haven't seen any of this group of friends ever since (I'm 30 now). I then met new people at university, but the day we graduated I again left without a word to them and didn't see them again.
I've carried on doing this in every job i've had. I'll take a long long time to start talking to people, become friendly with them, but when either me or they leave the job I stop all contact with them. I'm getting quite anxious at the moment as my workplace is relocating and a few workmates are talking of leaving - I don't want to stop seeing them but I know I won't do anything to keep in contact with them if they leave.
I really haven't got any clue as to why I act this way with people I get on with, as i'm always feeling lonely, but I just don't seem to have it in me to keep up friendships. It annoys me to be this way, but it's just the way I am.
I also identify with this pattern. After high school I went to the army for 3 years (in Israel we have conscription) and lost touch with school friends. Then went to the university and lost touch with army friends. And now I'm in the process of losing touch with my university friends.
My problem: I never call, never initiate anything. So it's totally up to them to keep the friendship alive until they inevitably lose interest.
I have a few excuses for this. One, I feel I'm boring so I don't want to waste their time with a phone call. When they call I usually don't mind talking as long as they want. Two, I always feel it's only a matter of time before the friendship ends so it's not worth investing yourself emotionally in it and getting hurt. And finally, I'm ashamed of how my life is in a stand still. Especially when a friend calls you after a very long time and you're like yeah I'm still at home, no I don't have a gf, no I haven't finished school... and they're like getting married, moving ahead in life. Somehow you feel so much more of a loser when you say it out loud.
I am scared to go anywhere with my friends outside my house. Therefore I think I have probably ditched me friends at least 200 times in my high school career, not counting my middle school... It had nothing to do with them, and everything to do with my fear of leaving the house.
I want to have friends, but the one's I do have, I totally neglect. I care about them, but for the past 5 years I've begun to HATE talking on the phone. Plus, I'm not the type to initiate going out and stuff.
If I do make a friend, I pull away rather abruptly. I just assume that they'll eventually find me boring and dump me anyway.
I ditched my friends a couple of years ago. The harrassed me for ignoring their phone calls and called me every name imaginable, but I just kept on ignoring. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Finally, they left me alone in every sense of the word, because now I am alone. I'm glad I graduated high school yesterday and left all of that stuff behind.
You know what's weird though? My group of friends has existed on without me, and sometimes I look at them and praise myself for my decision to self-isolate. Because as they rip each other to pieces and tear each other down, and endure drama after drama, I get to sit back and watch, taking no part in it. I get to go home every weekend and do whatever the hell I want, but they have to deal with each other's plans and feelings and come to a compromise. I'm my own man. So that's nice, but a little empty I guess.
I don't know what "triggered" my isolation. I think that I just enjoyed the days where we'd go to the backyard and play tackle football, and once that ended, I had no interest in partying and what not. That's not fun for me, but that's pretty much the only way to socialize in high school. I'm not sure if my no-partying personality is mature for my age, or immature because I can't handle all of that social interaction.
My tolerance for people is not very high, after meeting someone I will usually try to disappear and cease all contact with them as much as possible. I just...don't feel the desire to be with them. I get lonely as consequence but if I think about it I'd rather just avoid them because I feel worse when I'm with them.
Wow I thought I was the only crazy person that did this (not calling anyone a crazy person, you know what I mean .) I disappear and fall off the earth all the time, the consequence being that I temporarily ditch all the important people in my life. No matter how hard they try to get ahold of me during these periods, it aint happenin.
For me it's a depression thing that comes and goes and I just avoid people in "low" episodes because I know there is no way they will understand and I just don't want to deal with that. Or at least that's how I feel about it.
I've been doing this for years and have somehow managed to stay in touch with most of the important people in my life, although there are some and actually the most important ones of all that I have to this day been still avoiding for 7 years even though I miss them tremendously and actually I pretty much miss them almost more than anything. It's my fear of having to explain why I've been the way I've been.
I think one of these days I'm just going to have to come clean and explain to these people what the hell my deal is. For now nobody has a clue and they are just like "oh he disappeared again I wonder when he'll be back this time". lmfao
I ditched a "friend" who psychologically manipulated and abuse me for most of my teenage years. The trigger was going away with her for a week and putting up with constant attacks on my personality; by the end of it I had intensely powerful and inexplicable feeling that my worthless life was over/endangered. After that I decided I wasn't going to call her ever again or answer any of her messages.
Ditching people seems to have become a hobby of mine recently.
I tend to be extremely intolerant of people when they joke around...I have a hard time taking a joke, probably because I'm uncertain of what my reaction should be.
So I did a lot of switching around, trying to find people to be friends with.
I lost the ones that really reached out the right way.
They're not completely out of my life,
but certainly more distant than ever before and it's all my fault.