[re:cluse]

Hi there,

I attended a mini school reunion (8 guys) about 2 years ago. I was reluctant to go as I didn't have much to do with these people, but I went with a good school friend who really wanted to go.

I was kind of quiet compared to some of the more outgoing guy (there were other quiet ones too).
Then, everyone took it in turns to talk about what they'd been up to, and when it was my chance, I kind of didn't give it my all, rather surly and not wanting to reveal too much to people I did not feel close to - as a result, one of the guys next to me asked if the speech was going to get interesting, and hurried me up to finish - I felt embarassed and hurt - I'm not sure if anyone heard his comments as he did not shout them out.

Since then I haven't able to stop thinking about the event - these are the thoughts that enter my head in an OCD cycle:

- Because I screwed up the speech and a negative comment was made, it means that I'm a total loser, and worthless...unlikeable.

- Every time my name is mentioned, they'd immediately think about my boring speech (even though I received a couple of laughs related to an anecdote at the start of it).

- I think that the two people I hardly said a word to, think of me as weird and a social failure - how do people view people they don't speak to of an evening???

Prior to this event I was a laid-back, witty, quite sociable and likeable person (I have some very close friends), but ever since, I have been unable to be myself, instead, I've behaved in a way I think they perceive me (quiet, uninteresting loser who has no sense of humour, or fun - not worth knowing) - so I've become more insular and question everything I do, say, and think, wondering if they would think I'd be capable of this action, utterance, thought - it is physically and mentally exhausting. It's as if they must know everything about me, even though we only spent a few hours together - as if I need to 'fix' this situation by showing them the 'real me', which I don't think they saw.

I can sometimes think rationally about this by telling myself that no one would remember any conversations, and their opinion would be a neutral one, and not the extreme negative one I think they have.

What, in your opinion, do you think that people remember of an event like this after all this time in terms of conversations,, images, they way people acted, how much they talked etc?

I'm really struggling with this one.

I hope someone can help.

Martin.

 

[bobthebuilder]

I think they will just have a vague idea how you acted. They would remember you being quiet, not very interesting, possibly arrogant (they may have picked up on your half-hearted speech). Do they remember exactly what was said? Unless it was something crazy or somehow connected to them, no.

 

[miminka]

Honestly, it's their loss. They missed out on knowing a very interesting and intelligent person. I have been doing things like this. Obsessing about particular incidents, planning what I could have said, done, ect. I'm getting better at it though, it used to be really bad. But I've just been so avoident lately that I haven't let in any opportunities for negative situations. Subsequently shutting myself out from the world.

 

[STKinTHEmud]

Sounds like that guy that tried to hurry you up is a real douche. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, it sounds like that guy has some real problems.

I feel the same way sometimes, but we just have to remember that people don't really mind our "mistakes" (I don't think yours was a mistake) as much as we think they do.