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What is the biggest obstacle to you when attempting to socialize?

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Failure's Art
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2,198 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For me it's mostly anxiety but also these as well:

Can't think of anything to say
Awkwardness
Discomfort with sound of voice, pattern of speech or accent.
Tuning out during conversation
 

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alien monk
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8,555 Posts
distrust
 

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Cooked.
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9,263 Posts
Most of the time, I'm generally disinterested, but that might be due to depression. I guess I am still a bit anxious as well, but I'm much better at seeming socially fluent.

I find people much more interesting online. I've really enjoyed some of the characters I've bumped into recently.
 

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There's nothing interesting going on in my life so I have nothing to really talk about which I find shameful and embarrassing. I should get some hobbies but meh, I don't care enough right now.
 

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A Mountain With Wings
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2,278 Posts
Formulating my thoughts into actual words. Face to face conversations move pretty quickly and it's difficult at times for me to put what I'm thinking of feeling into sentences on the fly.
 

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SUS Member
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10,742 Posts
My appearance (and the sound of my voice).
Fear of discrimination.
Fear of having an OCD response.

I'm not really a shy person, I'm not particularly awkward, I don't struggle with social cues, and I can generally always find something to say. I think I have a completely different set of problems from most people here.
 

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♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
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28,958 Posts
Used to be having nothing to talk about/connect with other people over. Making smalltalk is tedious and doesn't make me feel connected to somebody else. But nobody wants to talk about the stuff I connect over, so, I've never been able to really connect with anyone beyond the most shallow interactions. (The main reason that psychologists' suggestion to "Go out and talk to people!" as a means to combat social anxiety was utterly idiotic and didn't address my underlying problem.)

Nowadays, though, just plain terror is the biggest obstacle. Partly due to the above, partly due to...I'm not even sure, just people disliking me for whatever reason...I've been rejected, criticized, and ridiculed in the most painful ways, over and over and over, including by the very few people I was POSITIVE I could connect with, I got such good feelings from them. God was I wrong. :x Nowadays the best reaction I can expect from other people is to just be ignored, but that hurts a lot, too.

Knowing that either ignoring or hostility is what I'm going to get when I try to socialize with others, I've developed almost this PTSD-like response to socializing, where all I can think of is all the bad experiences I've had before, so it's not worth it, the fear wins out. I've learned to avoid. I no longer even try.
 

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SAS Member
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4,568 Posts
It's usually all of those except anxiety these days actually. Anyone who wants to talk with me has to be patient with pauses as I try putting my thoughts into words.
 

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It tends to vary from person to person. I tend to be on a closer wavelength to some people than others but for the most part I generally have a hard time deciding what to say or what kind of topics they are into. I guess I get on with more excitable personalities better than 'normal' people. Im natually very shy to begin with but common interests break the ice but with everyone else I genuinely freeze up just thinking of what to talk about.

What really doesnt help is that I have a angry, unfeminine voice by default so unless I am drunk or already in a loud place I REALLY have a hard time speaking up unless I wanna scare a few peeps.
 

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Failure's Art
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2,198 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Wow 7 people voted "Can't think of anything to say." I have the same problem. Wonder why its so common. I feel like part of the problem is I have no casual go to figures of speech or clever metaphors or anything. Like I do have things to say sometimes but am at a loss as to how to express it in a straight forward and interesting way.
 
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My main issue is with anxiety and nerves. Of course there's times I don't know what to say but that doesn't really bother me or make me more anxious and don't consider it to be the root of my disorder but one of the consequences. Was already shy before even learning to speak as a todler so quietness can't be a cause but an outcome of my shyness.
 

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Where is the "all of it" option? I selected all, but only last one counted...
 

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lagrimas negras
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1,744 Posts
Anxiety.
Sometimes I can't think of anything to say and things get awkward so I get very uncomfortable. But for me it all comes down to being anxious. When my SA kicks in at a high level, my mind and thoughts goes out the window and I can't focus on anything.
Anxiety and irrational fears that I can't control are my main issues.
Also distrust. I tend to feel like people are up to no good. Just my issues though.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Fupa King
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874 Posts
Primary one's for me are "can't think of anything to say" and something like "discomfort with the tone of my voice." Most of my anxiety is after, rather than before these things, which to me suggests my problem is more than SA. I would describe "can't think of anything to say" more as speech paralysis where even if something did occur to me to say, there's some sort of mental block where I can't bring myself to speak at all. 3rd on the list for me would be not understanding conversational ques.
 

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Permanently tired
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1,957 Posts
Can't think of anything to say

I know small talk is often necessary to start getting to know someone on a closer level, but I'm terrible at it. It's probably why I could never form anything beyond a superficial acquaintanceship with most people. I just end up creating awkward silences and eventually give up after having to carry the entire conversation myself.

Also, I am far behind in life experiences from my own peers so there is not much I can relate to with them. I can't talk about relationships or other things most people my age have experienced at least once, and I can't go anywhere much since I don't drive and can't afford a car (So being poor and without one is another huge obstacle).
 
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