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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What does it mean to "cope" with SA? Does that mean to accept and embrace it? To overcome and "cure" it? That's just a really confusing concept.. coping.. with social anxiety..

I mean, why does someone have SA? Because they have low self-confidence and low self-esteem. SA is basically the fear of failure or rejection, right? Confidence, failure; Esteem, rejection.

As I'm writing this, I feel more and more like maybe this isn't where I need to be right now. What am I going to gain from these forums? That isn't a rhetorical question, and I'm not meaning to be offensive. To everyone: What do you expect this forum to do for you, and how do you think it will happen? (For instance, "I hope to gain confidence on here by.." or "I get ideas from people's posts on different things to try that could help me break out of my shell.")
 

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I think coping is different for everybody. For me, coping is dealing with S.A. from day to day through it's up's and downs. I am learning to deal with it. I am past that point of acceptance and now trying to live my life with it. I don't think mine is cureable but I can minimize it and learn to control it somehow.

Why someone has S.A.? Not sure why people just do. For me it's nurture and not nature. I was raised this way by my very protective mother.

S.A. is not failure!! It's not confidence or self-esteem. There are a lot of people who have no confidence but don't have S.A. Here's the official list.

Intense fear of being in situations in which you don't know people
Fear of situations in which you may be judged
Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities
Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention

I think confidence, low-self esteem are just side-effects of S.A.

This site won't cure me I know. It's just an outlet for me to connect with people who have S.A. so I don't feel alone like I am the only one suffering from S.A. I like to vent, and give out advice to others. This forum give me hope when I read some success stories and helps me cope.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think coping is different for everybody. For me, coping is dealing with S.A. from day to day through it's up's and downs. I am learning to deal with it. I am past that point of acceptance and now trying to live my life with it. I don't think mine is cureable but I can minimize it and learn to control it somehow.

Why someone has S.A.? Not sure why people just do. For me it's nurture and not nature. I was raised this way by my very protective mother.

S.A. is not failure!! It's not confidence or self-esteem. There are a lot of people who have no confidence but don't have S.A. Here's the official list.

Intense fear of being in situations in which you don't know people
Fear of situations in which you may be judged
Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities
Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention

I think confidence, low-self esteem are just side-effects of S.A.

This site won't cure me I know. It's just an outlet for me to connect with people who have S.A. so I don't feel alone like I am the only one suffering from S.A. I like to vent, and give out advice to others. This forum give me hope when I read some success stories and helps me cope.
Very interesting and helpful post! So you look at things completely backwards of me. You see SA as a thing that someone has that diminishes their self-confidence and self-esteem, whereas I see low self-esteem/confidence as the cause for SA.

What justifies my approach is that I have no anxiety doing anything I'm confident about (verbal speech is my weakness). When I feel like everyone likes me and won't judge me, I have no problem socializing with them (If I successfully blend in with a socially acceptable group, I am very friendly and can even be dominant and judgemental myself.).

I was bullied early in school (6th-10th grade) and it really shut me down. Being my real self in social situations is something I haven't done since the bullying started. Not only am I afraid of rejection, I don't even really know who I am anymore. I can't even imagine how I'd act even if I was being myself.. Maybe how I am on ecstasy? Maybe drunk? Maybe who I am on the internet? Maybe how I am around kids?

I'd like to go with how I am on ecstasy.. It'd be nice if that turns out to be just how I act when I'm truly happy.
 

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For me, coping is dealing with S.A. from day to day through it's up's and downs. I am learning to deal with it. I am past that point of acceptance and now trying to live my life with it. I don't think mine is cureable but I can minimize it and learn to control it somehow.

S.A. is not failure!! It's not confidence or self-esteem. There are a lot of people who have no confidence but don't have S.A. Here's the official list.

I think confidence, low-self esteem are just side-effects of S.A.
That's what I think as well. If you want different opinions about why people come here then you should look at this thread:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/is-this-site-helpful-to-you-64791/
 

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Very interesting and helpful post! So you look at things completely backwards of me. You see SA as a thing that someone has that diminishes their self-confidence and self-esteem, whereas I see low self-esteem/confidence as the cause for SA.

What justifies my approach is that I have no anxiety doing anything I'm confident about (verbal speech is my weakness). When I feel like everyone likes me and won't judge me, I have no problem socializing with them (If I successfully blend in with a socially acceptable group, I am very friendly and can even be dominant and judgemental myself.).

I was bullied early in school (6th-10th grade) and it really shut me down. Being my real self in social situations is something I haven't done since the bullying started. Not only am I afraid of rejection, I don't even really know who I am anymore. I can't even imagine how I'd act even if I was being myself.. Maybe how I am on ecstasy? Maybe drunk? Maybe who I am on the internet? Maybe how I am around kids?

I'd like to go with how I am on ecstasy.. It'd be nice if that turns out to be just how I act when I'm truly happy.
because of S.A. I feel like I'm not worth talking to and feel totally worthless. People don't want to talk to me and guys just avoid me which kills my confidence and esteem. As I talk to people it grows and as S.A. flares up it shrinks.

lol are you me? You've just described me perfectly. I also was bullied a lot as a kid 5-7th grade and it has affected me greatly. People say bullying makes you stronger but it's all bull.

I can sometimes be way over-confident and loud when I feel accepted and can even be the center of attention but my S.A. makes me over analyze everything and even if people aren't judging me, I am judging my every word and action. I am constantly worrying if people like me, if they think I am funny, cool whatever. Personally I think I am a social person but my S.A. is what's hindering me. I pretend to be so many things that I don't know who I am either.

I wonder how I also am drunk because I don't drink but I have very curious!

btw what do you want to get out of this forum?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
That's what I think as well. If you want different opinions about why people come here then you should look at this thread:

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f26/is-this-site-helpful-to-you-64791/
Yeah, I noticed that thread after I asked.. :p Unfortunately, there were a lot of people saying "no".. :\
because of S.A. I feel like I'm not worth talking to and feel totally worthless. People don't want to talk to me and guys just avoid me which kills my confidence and esteem. As I talk to people it grows and as S.A. flares up it shrinks.

lol are you me? You've just described me perfectly. I also was bullied a lot as a kid 5-7th grade and it has affected me greatly. People say bullying makes you stronger but it's all bull.

I can sometimes be way over-confident and loud when I feel accepted and can even be the center of attention but my S.A. makes me over analyze everything and even if people aren't judging me, I am judging my every word and action. I am constantly worrying if people like me, if they think I am funny, cool whatever. Personally I think I am a social person but my S.A. is what's hindering me. I pretend to be so many things that I don't know who I am either.

I wonder how I also am drunk because I don't drink but I have very curious!

btw what do you want to get out of this forum?
I'm sure everyone here would say they worry about others' opinions more than they should, so we're definitely not alone :). What I've taken to recently is being paranoid that people are fake around me, pretending to like me just like I pretend to like them. That paranoia makes me worry about everything, from bad breath to controversial opinions that people seem to agree with.

I don't know if I'm a social person or not.. I'm so lonely, all I want is a small group that I can truly be myself with, that I can call my family.

I don't know why I came here or what I'm looking for.. I've been hopping from forum to forum lately. Before this one, I was on these suicide forums. A couple days there and I decided that wasn't where I needed to be. Even if I was suicidal, I have this aversion to telling people about it, because I don't want them to feel like they have a responsibility to bear to care for me and cater to my needs and lie to me by making me feel wanted when I'm actually not. I just wish everyone would always be honest. That way, I wouldn't have to be paranoid.

Also, I go to great lengths to avoid making people feel guilty or obligated. So I never express my feelings when I'm displeased or if my feelings are hurt. I won't bug someone to hang out or do something if they seem like they don't really want to.. I'll just sit in my room, depressed and bored out of my mind..
 

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If anything, you can find some useful info on here and come to just hang out with other sa people. We'll be here to give you advice if you need it, but it's pretty much up to you to get help if that's what you really want.
 

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What does it mean to "cope" with SA?
I was wondering that too, my first thoughts were 'alcohol' or 'medication'? I don't see any other ways to cope with social anxiety except for other things that might lessen it, whether it be friends or whatever.

As for accepting it and embracing it, bad ideas IMO. You would just accept that this is who you are and you won't change, which I think is false and would mean that you would never be able to over come it or seek help.
 

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I thinking coping with SA is another way of controling it or containing it in our everyday lives. I understand my SA and I can control it to where I wont freak out. It's a everday challenge and I don't think there is a cure, if there is I am not at that point yet.

I think it's up to you what you want to get out of coming on here, this is a great place to vent, share, and help eachother. It's a great reminder to let us know Your not alone.

shy
 

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I've also heard of people refer to it as managing SA and have used the term myself not really thinking about it. I think in reality it manages me and controls my messed up life. I would say that I am functional to the point of surviving but not really living. Not sure I could say I cope with it....
 

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I think coping with SA, or 'managing' your sa, seems to be another way of saying: "I accept that I have SA, that I may never totally get over it, but that I CAN keep it from totally ruining my life. I CAN learn to overcome a large percentage of it, to desensitize myself to situations which normally spark SA." That's just my take on what people probably mean.

Dr. Richards goes into this somewhat in his cbt therapy. He wants you to believe that 'what you resist persists', that you have to accept your SA to a certain extent before you can begin to overcome it.

I personally don't know if I agree with the idea of 'coping' or 'managing' SA. To me, that sounds a lot like a cop out. It may very well be that the best I can ever achieve in this battle is to 'manage it'. But damn, I'd like to think that its at least POSSIBLE to completly overcome it. And I believe it is possible, it just takes a lot of dedication and persistance with cbt therapy or something similiar. Something I admit I haven't been very dedicated to.

As far as what people get out of this site? Well for me, it's a double edged sword. I don't come here for therapy or for any belief that simply coming here will help me get over my SA. That's nonsense to think that it could. I come here because, in the short term, it helps me feel less alone in the world knowing that there are other people going through what I'm going through. The negative edge of that sword is what often keeps me away: there are a lot of pessimistic depressed people on here who don't believe they will ever overcome their SA. I try to not read their posts but sometimes it's hard to avoid. It's the success stories and positive people that draw me here. And yes, perhaps they can suggest a technique or way of looking at a social situation I've never thought of. If you aren't actually in a real live support group, this is as close as you're gonna get. And I think support groups in real life are critical to overcoming SA.
 

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I think coping with SA, or 'managing' your sa, seems to be another way of saying: "I accept that I have SA, that I may never totally get over it, but that I CAN keep it from totally ruining my life. I CAN learn to overcome a large percentage of it, to desensitize myself to situations which normally spark SA." That's just my take on what people probably mean.

Dr. Richards goes into this somewhat in his cbt therapy. He wants you to believe that 'what you resist persists', that you have to accept your SA to a certain extent before you can begin to overcome it.

I personally don't know if I agree with the idea of 'coping' or 'managing' SA. To me, that sounds a lot like a cop out. It may very well be that the best I can ever achieve in this battle is to 'manage it'. But damn, I'd like to think that its at least POSSIBLE to completly overcome it. And I believe it is possible, it just takes a lot of dedication and persistance with cbt therapy or something similiar. Something I admit I haven't been very dedicated to.

As far as what people get out of this site? Well for me, it's a double edged sword. I don't come here for therapy or for any belief that simply coming here will help me get over my SA. That's nonsense to think that it could. I come here because, in the short term, it helps me feel less alone in the world knowing that there are other people going through what I'm going through. The negative edge of that sword is what often keeps me away: there are a lot of pessimistic depressed people on here who don't believe they will ever overcome their SA. I try to not read their posts but sometimes it's hard to avoid. It's the success stories and positive people that draw me here. And yes, perhaps they can suggest a technique or way of looking at a social situation I've never thought of. If you aren't actually in a real live support group, this is as close as you're gonna get. And I think support groups in real life are critical to overcoming SA.
Coping to me means a similar thing. I feel that I have pretty much fully recovered from my SA except in a couple ways. At one point, it was so bad that I would feel very heavily stressed by simply having to interact with a teacher or having a stranger look funny at me. Now I have a great job, am going to graduate school, I have lots of friends, am generally popular, have a fiance, and the list goes on... I still struggle with my SA in some situations, but I have everything that most people agree is needed to be happy in life, so that is what managing my SA means.

These forums, to me, are my opportunity to get out there and help other people. In my view, sitting and reading on a forum is the starting point, or the fallback for those who don't know what else to do. Many people don't have anyone, including family, that they can talk to about their SA. Many more don't know a thing about it, and these forums can help to point people in the right direction. I think that there is something that is irreplaceable about person-to-person interaction, and that is why I am a strong believer in counseling (worked great for me) and anxiety support groups.
 
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