[soundofsilence]

So here's problem (or one of my many): I have a lot of trouble relaxing and being myself around just about everyone, but I find the more I dislike the person the easier it is, I guess because I don't really care what they think about me. All the people I really like I get really nervous around because I really, really, really, care what they think about me. I know it doesn't make sense because no one likes a super awkward, shy, difficult to talk to, person either, but that's just how it is. I've got a lot better at relaxing now, however I have accumulated a couple of friends who I really don't like. They're good friends, but they either get on my nerves, or are really bossy, or talk so much I can never get a word in (which I think is really bad for developing social skills because I still can't start a conversation to save my life). Now I've started to make some friends that I do actually like and the friends I don't like are starting to bother me more and more.
I'm not sure what the right thing is to do here. If I start avoiding or rejecting the friends I don't like, then I'll be doing to them exactly what so many other people have done to me, and I don't want to do that- especially since they are some of the few people who haven't rejected me. I also have so few friends, I don't know if I can afford to lose any. On the other hand, sometimes hanging out with them makes me feel more depressed then I feel spending the weekend at home- and you're supposed to love your friends, not secretly hate them.
Anyone have similar experiences they want to share, or any advice? Any input at all would be very appreciated.

 

[shyvr6]

I think that is one of the problems with sa. We end up putting up with things that we don't like because we're afraid that we won't get anything better. If it were me, I would either only hang out with those friends who annoy me occasionally instead of all the time, or I would get rid of them completely.

 

[Pam]

Hi, I know it sounds obvious, but I think the healthiest thing for you to do is stop hanging out with the people you don't like.

Don't worry about doing to them what you haven't liked being done to you. Having SA, you are probably more sensitive to rejection than they will be. You could taper off seeing them (if it makes you feel more comfortable), and they may not even notice you're doing it. And you don't have to explain to anyone what you're doing.

And about how you said you can't get a word in--that's selfish & rude, and it's not fair to you. It's as if they are using you to talk at like you are just a giant ear instead of seeing you as a person with things to say too! It sounds very one-way.

You deserve better.

 

[soundofsilence]

thanks guys! I've already been "tapering off" a little but I was worried I wasn't doing the right thing. But your advice has made me feel a lot more sure, so thank you!