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Frostie
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1,035 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
-Can't get a job
-Got rejected to graduate school
-Live at home with parents
-Have no friends or social life
-27 year old virgin
-Have no money to my name except for a small amount of savings squirreled away in a 401(k) account that is worth practically nothing now after the economic downturn

Sorry for the excessive negativity, but it really is that bad. People talk about learning to have the confidence to talk to women and stuff. Okay, say I learn to fake confidence and approach a bunch of women, then what? When she finds out who I really am, she'll run for the hills. Is it hopeless for me? Should I even bother trying?
 

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Shared interests & hugs.:)

Why are you focusing on the girlfriend part now, maybe
working on yourself first might boost your confidence with the oposite sex.

What kind of jobs are you interested in, maybe you could use the recession
as a kind of reason for you not working right now?

She might get to know the real you and fall hopelessly
in <3 .:banana
 

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Not all women care that much about your job (or lack thereof) or if you live at home. I've known plenty of girls, including my own sister, who have dated what would appear to be sort of "losers". They fell for these guys before they knew the guy's complete situation or they did know, or the guys had bad luck after they got into the relationship. It didn't stop anyone from falling in love. It may be helpful to get a job eventually and your own place, especially if you want to have sex (this is assuming she doesn't have a place), but I've learned that women don't care as much as you'd think they do. It depends on the person. Some women are very independent and are comfortable with what they have done for themselves. They just want a good man, and that doesn't equal having money. This is nature, after all. Women like men that they are attacted to mentally and physically.

To me, the hardest part is getting to know someone and keeping that confidence consistent, not overthinking. Women have liked me and I've ruined it pretty much every single time because I think about what a loser I am and how I have nothing to offer. Everyone tells me I'm the opposite, though. It's something that I constantly forget.

At least you went to college. Rejected from graduate school? At least you made it that far. I feel like a total uneducated idiot compared to people who are that far ahead in their education.
 

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^I agree with all that.

None of the things on your list would matter to me. Apart from the fact that I'd be a hypocrite if they did, the most important thing is mental and physical attraction, as BeNice said. If I met a guy and was really attracted to him and then found out he was unemployed, living with his parents, a virgin, etc, these things wouldn't turn me off him. There are women out there who will be more bothered about who you are than your circumstances. Of course, if these are all areas of your life which you want to work on, then you should. That may give you more confidence in yourself, which will help when it comes to forming relationships. But your circumstances in themselves don't make it a hopeless task.
 

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-Can't get a job
-Got rejected to graduate school
-Live at home with parents
-Have no friends or social life
-27 year old virgin
-Have no money to my name except for a small amount of savings squirreled away in a 401(k) account that is worth practically nothing now after the economic downturn
I have all those same stats and indeed it does suck. The thing that holds us back the most is the "no social life" problem.

I had a job, which fixed the financial situation and ultimately would've fixed the living at home problem as well. But you know what? I could win the lotto tomorrow and become a millionaire and I still wouldn't be able to get a girl. Why? Because I'm not in the game...at all.

Everyone else is out at bars and whatnot on Friday and Saturday nights. Where am I? At home in my bedroom on the Internet of course. My SA is so severe that I avoid social gathering at all costs. And if I actually had friends to drag me out to a bar, I'd just sit there silent. If a girl came up to me and tried to start up a conversation, with my conversation skills I guarantee the conversation would be over in less than 2 minutes. I literally have no idea how to hold a conversation.
 

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Frostie
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Everyone else is out at bars and whatnot on Friday and Saturday nights. Where am I? At home in my bedroom on the Internet of course. My SA is so severe that I avoid social gathering at all costs. And if I actually had friends to drag me out to a bar, I'd just sit there silent. If a girl came up to me and tried to start up a conversation, with my conversation skills I guarantee the conversation would be over in less than 2 minutes. I literally have no idea how to hold a conversation.
Is going to bars really how most young people meet? I just assumed they were only for the partying types and not a place where you can meet "nice girls." I don't drink so that's another problem with bars.

I live in Nowherevillehicktown, TX and don't have the slightest idea where 20 somethings go on a Saturday night. I assume all of the unmarried, eligible girls in my age group have probably left by now and moved on to better things. If I could only get a job in a major city, that would take care of the bad financial situation, isolation, living with parents and I think at least 25% of my problems would be solved.
 

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Frostie
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
At least you went to college. Rejected from graduate school? At least you made it that far. I feel like a total uneducated idiot compared to people who are that far ahead in their education.
Don't feel like an idiot. Level of education doesn't count for as much as you would think. Just look at me.
 

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Maybe work on yourself for the moment and work on the girl situation once you get started again.
Exactly. I have a degree, a good job, a house (well, long story on that), a car.......but I still need FRIENDS.

ShyVR6 is right. My first goal is to make friends - people to talk to and not be afraid to call. A girlfriend might come along from there. I need the social foundation first.
 

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^ Agreed. If you go for the relationship first, you'll be putting all your eggs in one basket. You'll end up relying on your mate too much for emotional support. Been there, done that. Work on making friends first.
 

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Mr. Frostie,

First of all this recession has caused a lot of people to lose jobs and not find work. Not finding work is normal. You can't get a job. It is impossible unless you want to work at Taco Bell.

Second so you got rejected from Grad School. Is that really a big deal? Why beat yourself up over that? You didn't do anything wrong did you? I would think that is the schools problem and not yours. Find another school to go to.

Third, so you live with your parents? Congratulations! Your probably eating better than most of the people in this forum. You have food there. And you can probably chill and do whatever you want in your free time.

The rest of your problems are not even problems. Your not going to die from those problems. Your post sounds like you are hopeless. You think that you are in a mess and you are not. I think that you have it pretty good right now. Some people your age are divorced with kids and that it not something you want to be in right now.

Your free, man. I mean your not old. You still have some of your twenties left and your not even halfway done with your life. I mean you should be having a ball. Your life isn't over.

Just do it. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Are you afraid of what women will say when they reject you? Don't even worry about it. Your just having some fun.

If you don't want to go to the bars then sign up for a class at a community college and meet women there. Take an art class or a music class or something that will get you involved in something. Maybe a group project that would be fun. You could meet people there. I'm only trying to help. Give me a break.
 

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Mr. Frostie,

First of all this recession has caused a lot of people to lose jobs and not find work. Not finding work is normal. You can't get a job. It is impossible unless you want to work at Taco Bell.

Second so you got rejected from Grad School. Is that really a big deal? Why beat yourself up over that? You didn't do anything wrong did you? I would think that is the schools problem and not yours. Find another school to go to.

Third, so you live with your parents? Congratulations! Your probably eating better than most of the people in this forum. You have food there. And you can probably chill and do whatever you want in your free time.

The rest of your problems are not even problems. Your not going to die from those problems. Your post sounds like you are hopeless. You think that you are in a mess and you are not. I think that you have it pretty good right now. Some people your age are divorced with kids and that it not something you want to be in right now.

Your free, man. I mean your not old. You still have some of your twenties left and your not even halfway done with your life. I mean you should be having a ball. Your life isn't over.

Just do it. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Are you afraid of what women will say when they reject you? Don't even worry about it. Your just having some fun.

If you don't want to go to the bars then sign up for a class at a community college and meet women there. Take an art class or a music class or something that will get you involved in something. Maybe a group project that would be fun. You could meet people there. I'm only trying to help. Give me a break.
 

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Hiding In My Den
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Anyone that considers being a virgin or not having any friends as a negative is a jerk and not someone that would be good to date anyway. If anything I think both are pretty huge positives, virgin means no one to compare to and no chance of stds or baby momma drama, and no friends means more time to spend with your gf when you get 1. As for the job thing, people are more understanding about that lately because of the economy.
 

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Mr. Frostie,

First of all this recession has caused a lot of people to lose jobs and not find work. Not finding work is normal. You can't get a job. It is impossible unless you want to work at Taco Bell.

Second so you got rejected from Grad School. Is that really a big deal? Why beat yourself up over that? You didn't do anything wrong did you? I would think that is the schools problem and not yours. Find another school to go to.

Third, so you live with your parents? Congratulations! Your probably eating better than most of the people in this forum. You have food there. And you can probably chill and do whatever you want in your free time.

The rest of your problems are not even problems. Your not going to die from those problems. Your post sounds like you are hopeless. You think that you are in a mess and you are not. I think that you have it pretty good right now. Some people your age are divorced with kids and that it not something you want to be in right now.

Your free, man. I mean your not old. You still have some of your twenties left and your not even halfway done with your life. I mean you should be having a ball. Your life isn't over.

Just do it. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Are you afraid of what women will say when they reject you? Don't even worry about it. Your just having some fun.

If you don't want to go to the bars then sign up for a class at a community college and meet women there. Take an art class or a music class or something that will get you involved in something. Maybe a group project that would be fun. You could meet people there. I'm only trying to help. Give me a break.
 

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I'm in a similar situation but i'm 28. I was recently made redundant, still live at home, never had a girlfriend, virgin.
 

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-Can't get a job
-Got rejected to graduate school
-Live at home with parents
-Have no friends or social life
-27 year old virgin
-Have no money to my name except for a small amount of savings squirreled away in a 401(k) account that is worth practically nothing now after the economic downturn

Sorry for the excessive negativity, but it really is that bad. People talk about learning to have the confidence to talk to women and stuff. Okay, say I learn to fake confidence and approach a bunch of women, then what? When she finds out who I really am, she'll run for the hills. Is it hopeless for me? Should I even bother trying?
I was in a similar situation not so long ago. When things seem that hopeless its hard to drag yourself out of it. When i was 23 i moved to do a college course and had no friends for the first 18 months. However i was expecting people to take an interest in me. Then i decided to join some clubs in the evenings and although i didnt make friends particularly it got me out of the house and being around people outside of work. Then when i was 26 and struggling to finish my course i became involved in local campaigning. It was more sociable than the clubs i was involved in and i could go for drinks with people. About 2 years later i finally met a girl on the internet and we are still together.

Basically you need to get out there and make things happen. Don't be so proud that you expect things to come to you. Sometimes taking a step back can be a step forward. If i am in this situation again i am going to try anything i can to turn it around. At least i can say i tried then whether something good comes of it or not.
 

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I can honestly say I've never been rejected by any grad school and I still can't get women. Of course, my lack of rejection is at least in part due to me never applying.

I don't really need grad school when I've never had a job and never expect to get one. Unless I want to end up like my brother who holds the title of #1 for most degrees obtained from the University of Wisconsin -- Madison.
 

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Shared interests & hugs.:)

Why are you focusing on the girlfriend part now, maybe
working on yourself first might boost your confidence with the oposite sex.
Yeah she's right, it's better to take care of yourself first. I have a long distance bf, it's okay for the time being because i know he's the one and we'll be together. Even if we weren't together i wouldn't give a care, serious relationships aren't important to me, if i have one the better, but i can do w/o one. Please don't worry yourself over not having a gf, because you won't get anywhere like that. Also if you don't have anything to offer her maybe she can offer you something in life.
 
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