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What is social anxiety? I think most people would define it as an irrational fear of making mistakes in social situations and facing repercussions such as negative judgments and criticism.

Most people care what others think about them, and as a result, most people are insecure to a degree. I think social anxiety is this, but taken much farther than the average person. The more severe the case of S.A. a person has, the more they place their self-worth in other people's opinions of them and/or the less worthy of an individual they think they are. So someone who only feels slightly less adequate than most people might still have very bad S.A. because they care so much what others think about them.

Sadly, most people's idea of getting over S.A. does not involve getting over their insecurity, but rather becoming more worthy in other people's eyes. This is not a very good strategy, because it focuses on comparing yourself to others.

For example:
Most people I see posting here just want to improve their social skills, and they think this is an acceptable cure. They want to have at least average talent in talking to people. This is completely relative because what is average anyway? If everyone else suddenly became totally incompetent in social situations, would this give you the right to judge them as lesser than yourself? Of course not.

So what does need to change in order to get over S.A. and achieve a healthy mind?

The basis of how you judge everyone, including yourself.

People with S.A. do this: They compare everyone to themselves, constantly. Judging.

Who are people with S.A. most afraid of? Other insecure people.

Why? Because people with S.A. are afraid of being judged on the same basis they judge others.

You judge yourself as inadequate, but you can also spot other people you think are in the same boat as you, or even worse.

You need to change this way of thinking, so you can accept the faults others, and accept the faults of your own. But how?

Nothing matters; you need to get it into your head. You need to understand that you are NOT missing out on anything, because there is nothing to miss out on.

You don't matter. Nobody matters. It doesn't matter what you do, or what happens to you. It doesn't matter what people think of you, it doesn't matter how you look and it doesn't matter what you accomplish.

The universe is perfect because nothing in it matters.

You need to get the weight off your shoulders. You need to stop caring.

There is no reason to be happy, no reason to be sad, no reason to be angry or afraid... but it is possible to be those things.

Just because there is no reason to be happy doesn't mean you can't be.

I almost want to start talking about physical pain, but I don't know enough about it... I'm betting there is a way to get over fear of physical pain. I think I'll look it up.

Anyway, this post may seem stupid to some people. I think I would have liked this back when I had S.A. though, so that's why I'm saying it.

Just remember you're not trying to become a different person, you're just trying to get rid of your fear and calm down.
 
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