I feel I may need some advise and even though I don't post on forums, getting advise from people I don't know seems to be the easiest.
I know something's wrong because I don't know when the last time I had a good friend, or someone I would consider a friend, was and it's been over 4 years since I even had interest in finding a girlfriend. I can talk to people fine - in my 20's (I'm 34 now) I loved to play music live in front of an audience, the bigger the better. Now, I have a successful career as a training specialist, talking in front of a class, training, for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Most of my life has been in front of a crowd, one way or another. I get along with everybody I meet and I am a friendly individual but not a "pushover".
I see the problem when I look at deeper social issues, like relationships. I even get nervous talking to my mother, which I force myself to do at least once or twice a year. My twin sister lives in the same city as me but I have an extremely hard time even admitting that to myself. When it comes to other people, I don't even try to get to know them unless I've been around them for at least a year or so, but I won't hangout. I can easily talk to women (the opposite sex), joke around with them and I enjoy their company, but I can't take it any further. I get really nervous when someone even attempts to hug me or invade my personal space, what ever the sex (no problem shaking hands though). Yeah, I know, this is probably silly but it is what it is. I don't see myself unattractive except for I did gain some weight (25 lb., which I'm dealing with) since turning 30. The bit I read on social anxiety would lead me to believe I should hate talking in front of people, but I don't hate it, I like it and I'm very very good at it, so I'm extremely confused and it's driving me bonkers. Some times, like now, I get really lonely, to the point of getting emotionally "choked-up" and I wish I knew what to do.
Enough already, just want to see if anybody has any productive and positive suggestions.
I know something's wrong because I don't know when the last time I had a good friend, or someone I would consider a friend, was and it's been over 4 years since I even had interest in finding a girlfriend. I can talk to people fine - in my 20's (I'm 34 now) I loved to play music live in front of an audience, the bigger the better. Now, I have a successful career as a training specialist, talking in front of a class, training, for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Most of my life has been in front of a crowd, one way or another. I get along with everybody I meet and I am a friendly individual but not a "pushover".
I see the problem when I look at deeper social issues, like relationships. I even get nervous talking to my mother, which I force myself to do at least once or twice a year. My twin sister lives in the same city as me but I have an extremely hard time even admitting that to myself. When it comes to other people, I don't even try to get to know them unless I've been around them for at least a year or so, but I won't hangout. I can easily talk to women (the opposite sex), joke around with them and I enjoy their company, but I can't take it any further. I get really nervous when someone even attempts to hug me or invade my personal space, what ever the sex (no problem shaking hands though). Yeah, I know, this is probably silly but it is what it is. I don't see myself unattractive except for I did gain some weight (25 lb., which I'm dealing with) since turning 30. The bit I read on social anxiety would lead me to believe I should hate talking in front of people, but I don't hate it, I like it and I'm very very good at it, so I'm extremely confused and it's driving me bonkers. Some times, like now, I get really lonely, to the point of getting emotionally "choked-up" and I wish I knew what to do.
Enough already, just want to see if anybody has any productive and positive suggestions.