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Well... I'm up and not feeling tired anymore. But since it's almost 4am I can't do much, apparently...
 
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Born Of Blotmonað
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1. I can no longer gauge my progress in Duolingo & as such I’ve been practicing less…before the updates I knew how far I was & what my goals were, the new layout has completely thrown my for a loop & I haven’t been able to set a new plan yet

2. I’m pretty sure that the output from the Master & Control outs on my Presonus Mixer are shot/need repair(with the left channel louder than the right), however, I have to retest that to be sure…but what I had never once considered is that it could be the 200W Pioneer Receiver that’s quite possibly 20+ years old…why, I’ll never know given it’s age, but it seems that of the 5.1 surround outputs, the the right main is dead, the left works(what’s one without the other), I’d briefly thought one of my speakers was shot, so glad that’s not the case, & luckily I can still use the rear channel outs as stereo, then simply bi-amp the drum & TV monitors together & run the subwoofer as normal…for now, ultimately I need a new amp, & then a new mixer

3. No gives you credit for sorting your life out while you’re struggling, they’ll only pat you on the back when you’ve succeeded in their eyes while yet still be itching to cut you down to size
 

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Dogra Magra
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The reason I don't tell people a lot of about my life is because, imho, a lot of people are ****ty at being empathetic. It's swell when you tell them your recent happenings and they reply with "haha", "lol", or some dumb one-liner like they're writing a ****ty sitcom script.

Or, instead of validating or comforting you, they try to identify the source of your problems in a thinly veiled victim-shamey kind of way: "You are going through XYZ because you did/are doing ABC." It reminds me of David Attenborough explaining animal behaviour in some wildlife documentary. Like, thanks but this is supposed to help me how ...?

But then that's assuming they even want to help you in the first place. I feel like most people just don't have a dog in this fight and oftentimes they are bad at hiding it (or they don't even bother), and it sucks.
 

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I'm glad I never moved back in with my dad. My sister recently moved back in with him and she's seeing what I'm talking about with him now. Glad I never listened to anybody who ever told me to move back in with him. He's a narcissist. She said she was never allowed off the porch at the age of 18 years old. I guess cause she was sitting outside with him or something. I'm not surprised she moved back in with him. She must have been more in denial than me. I was never in denial. Now, she wishes she was back in Iowa.
 

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Barbells and kittens
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My work car has been randomly not starting for months and lately it's been getting worse. I know it's something simple because it runs fine when it starts, but I'm really struggling to figure out what it is without taking it to a mechanic. Really wanted to DIY it if possible.
 

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Well, my week is going better than a few feels ago. I'm excited about the new record coming into the mail that I ordered from Bandcamp. I'm finding out so much new music on there. :)
I love Bandcamp. So much great music and a great way to support the artists and labels, especially if you wait till Bandcamp Fridays. Far better than streaming services for the artists and independent labels as well.
 

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I clumsily knocked my phone off of the bed stand last night and it tumbled and bounced off of my bedframe and land onto the rug. I didn't think much of it as I have dropped the phone much harder many times. Ever since then, I noticed my phone now suddenly struggles to get any sort of cell reception anywhere, even from home where it typically always gets full bars for as long as I remember. For as long as I've been here. Maybe the antenna got damaged from the tumble.
 
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Now I kind of want some light snow...
 

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I had trouble with a password again. I tried making a new password on my Google account and when I did and logged back in, it said it was wrong even after putting it in three times. I made sure it was right and it said it was wrong. I had someone once tell me wtf before when I showed them in person what my phone would do when I tried putting in a new password for certain things and they didn't understand so I tried getting them to do the same thing before and it instantly worked for them.

Sometimes, it's like I just have bad luck. Some things are explainable but I had someone confirm before that even to them that sometimes they're like wtf cause they would do the same thing and don't have that problem. 😒 I always seem to have trouble with almost every password even if its written down. Lol With every phone I have, too so it can't be the phone. Especially, if they have done the same thing from my phone and it works for them.

I also got logged out of YouTube earlier after i made a new password for my Google account and had trouble signing in with my brand new password. It told me that I typed it in too many times so I had to wait. What even. But it finally logged me back in. Seems like I always have to spend 30 minutes or more just to make a new password. It's bizarre to me. I guess I don't actually have bad luck but there are times I sure feel like I do.
 

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Born Of Blotmonað
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I don’t know how to live & to survive simultaneously…the way society is structured I can manage one or the other but never both, that’s my conundrum in life…I could be social, make friends, be amongst it, but I’m not a normal person, & I’ve realized that in my life the friends I’ve had that have come & gone have always been bizarre, I don’t do normal well at all, beyond that it takes all my energy to be social, I’m not great at it but if I make the effort it’s beyond exhausting, so much **** I don’t care about that I have to keep track of or pretend to be interested in, I mean I’d still be weird but I’d be given the chance without question, but then literally burnout, opposite end, soul death, I work, not great pay but somehow I get through each month & once in a while buy something just for me, but work is basically my social quota, it’s more than enough for me, do the job, get the pay, pay the bills, repeat, ain’t got nothing to spare, ain’t got the energy to explain to people who do got $’s to spare/spend why I never do, or why I don’t do anything on credit, but upside, I live alone in a nice neighbourhood in a 2 level fully finished 4 bedroom house with all my musical toys & a true home theatre that’ll literally rattle your bones, all of which I can use at whatever hour I want, at whatever volume I want without complaint ever…so, I walk out the door everyday looking poor in the eyes of society & treated as such, but come home to wealth every night…I could never have a better place to live than this, I’d never be able to afford it, I’d never be able to play the game well enough to afford it, but it’s possible I might inherit it, and even now it costs a lot to be here alone, but it’s still cheaper than it would be elsewhere, no question…so, can’t afford to be a social surviver, can’t afford to survive & be social, & that’s both financially & physically…I don’t know how to reconcile this…then I think about the people with kids, kids who are gonna inherit the world when I’m in my 60’s…30 years from now I think the map of the world is gonna look completely different…I can’t reconcile that either, nor the fact that I may be living through the beginning of what they might call “The Great Change”, something akin to BC & AD…I mean it’s actually possible, that we may be living through a time that people will call “The Old World” in just 50 years…yeah, I can’t reconcile any of that, but on Friday I’ll be 35, & to this point I can say I’ve through some of it, & despite my miseries, I’ve enjoyed some of it too, but my greatest failure in life is letting people go that I could’ve kept close, perhaps one day I’ll stop doing what I’ve always done…see what tomorrow brings I guess
 

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Dogra Magra
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3,878 Posts
Trying to articulate this concept of "pseudo-closeness" in friendships of convenience and not really knowing how or what I'm even trying to say lol. But you know that feeling when you watch people doing this, or someone does it to you, and it just feels vaguely "off" and disingenuous. I've had that experience on several occasions where I was surprised that one of them didn't know a significant part of the other one's life story/history. I'm thinking like, "But.... you guys seem so close! What do you guys talk about all the time then??"
 

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Irretrievably Lost
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That's interesting. I was just thinking earlier that I love how it gets dark so early now. Night has always been my favorite time of day and it always seems like there isn't enough of it no matter what.
Weirdly I like winter better than summer but I hate when it gets dark early. That is the one thing I hate about the winter. I wish winter days were as long as summer ones. I like the natural light coming into my apartment. And it makes the day feel longer, like you're getting more bang for your buck.
 

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Had 3 occasions on my drive just across town after sundown where there was someone suddenly jumping into the crosswalk to cross the street in the last second in front of my car. First were a pack of teens on bikes. Second was a teen on a scooter. Third time was a teen on a bike who decide to swerve in front of my car to cross. All three times they were all wearing completely black clothing with no lighting. Luckily I was able to see them each of those times and hit my brakes in the last second and also luckily it isn't one of my brainfog or mentally "off" days. I imagine if it was an elder driver or someone with a slower reaction time, they would've been ran over. The last incident however, right when I slammed my brakes to not hit the teenager, the car behind me erupted in road rage and long honked me before recklessly swerving in front of me to let me know he was upset.

Pretty much to avoid one disaster, I triggered a different disaster. And I had to choose one.
 
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Nice, I have an interview for Chik-Fil-A but it's a video interview. Lol At least I got an interview. But the only available interviews are at 12 to 1 this afternoon while I'll be at work. And I got a text about an interview a bit too late this morning. Either way, the only time I can do it today is 12 to 1. There wasn't anything available for the next few days. It seems too complicated to do a job interview when you already work full time.
 
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