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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I went to jail on drug posession charges. Let me tell you, jail is a crazy place for someone with social anxiety. You are forced into a situation where you are surrounded by other people all the time and they are often not the nicest people either. I certainly wasn't used to having to be tough and stand up for myself and I struggled with that a great deal. I also struggled with knowing when to say no, in other words when to help someone out out of generosity and when to think of myself in order to avoid being taken advantage of. Many people in jail will try to manipulate so they can get your stuff, your food or whatever it is you have that they want. Being a people pleaser and also a Christian (Jesus says give to all who ask) I found myself being taken advantage of by certain people and I still struggle with knowing when to say and when to say no to someone who wants a favor from me. At one point, I went too far in other direction and would not do anything for anyone no matter how small the request.

I also learned that when forced to, I can get by socially. No, I am not able to fit in and act like the other inmates but as long as I maintain confidence in myself and remember that it is ok to be different, then I am able to interact with people in a positive way despite our differences and make friends. I did make some good friends in jail, met a few good people that I could trust and shared with me as I shared with them, rather than using me.

Anyway, I am out a lot more confident in myself and my social abilities. I still find it very hard to get to know people though, as it requires going through an initial period of awkwardness as the other person gets to know me and realizes that I am not normal. Its only once we get past that stage, when people realize hey this guy may not be normal but he is a cool person anyway that I feel more comfortable. I also noticed that my mood at the time greatly effects my ability to socialize. Some days I am not in a social mood and trying to socialize at those times is extremely frustrating. Other times socializing comes more naturally to me and can almost be enjoyable, although its always stressful for me which is why i isolate so much.

ANyway, I am trying to figure out how to take what I have learned and use it to help me get a girlfriend but as of right now I am not sure how to accomplish that seeing as how I still struggle tremendously with the getting to know the other person stage and basically have to forced to spend a great deal of time with that person in order to get past it. I am confident that I could have a semi decent relationship with a girl if only I could get past that stage but alas I have no idea how to do that. When would I ever be in a situation where I was forced to get to know several girls around my age in the hope that I meet one which i liked and which liked me back? Asking a girl out on a date, would not be enough time with her for me to get comfortable and as a result my social anxiety would ruin my ability to express myself to her so I dont think dating is a good idea for me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I just did, I mean I was already worried my post was too long for people to read. Are you honeslty saying you want to read more or was that sarcasm? Either way, I am just frustrated right now because I am convinced that were in a situation where I was exposed to more girls, I would have a girlfriend now.

My problem doesn't lie in maintaining relationships I dont think, as the few girls I have actually gotten close to tell me I am good at it, loyal and responsive to their needs. My problem lies in meeting and getting to know girls. I really struggle with that and unless I can find some way around it, I will be single for the rest of my life.
 

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Thats a very interesting story, in some ways going to prison helped you, I mean if you could handle yourself in a prison and make friends I think you could do even better in the real world...how long were you in prison for?

Good luck with finding a girlfriend by the way!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I was in jail, not prison dude. All in all, I was locked up for 70 days but I wasn't with the same people that hole time so I actually had to adjust to completely new situations multiple times. I know that I can get people to like me once they get to know me, what I cant seem to do is get girls to get to know me well enough to wheere theyd want to date me.
 

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So I went to jail on drug posession charges. Let me tell you, jail is a crazy place for someone with social anxiety. You are forced into a situation where you are surrounded by other people all the time and they are often not the nicest people either. I certainly wasn't used to having to be tough and stand up for myself and I struggled with that a great deal. I also struggled with knowing when to say no, in other words when to help someone out out of generosity and when to think of myself in order to avoid being taken advantage of. Many people in jail will try to manipulate so they can get your stuff, your food or whatever it is you have that they want. Being a people pleaser and also a Christian (Jesus says give to all who ask) I found myself being taken advantage of by certain people and I still struggle with knowing when to say and when to say no to someone who wants a favor from me. At one point, I went too far in other direction and would not do anything for anyone no matter how small the request.

I also learned that when forced to, I can get by socially. No, I am not able to fit in and act like the other inmates but as long as I maintain confidence in myself and remember that it is ok to be different, then I am able to interact with people in a positive way despite our differences and make friends. I did make some good friends in jail, met a few good people that I could trust and shared with me as I shared with them, rather than using me.

Anyway, I am out a lot more confident in myself and my social abilities. I still find it very hard to get to know people though, as it requires going through an initial period of awkwardness as the other person gets to know me and realizes that I am not normal. Its only once we get past that stage, when people realize hey this guy may not be normal but he is a cool person anyway that I feel more comfortable. I also noticed that my mood at the time greatly effects my ability to socialize. Some days I am not in a social mood and trying to socialize at those times is extremely frustrating. Other times socializing comes more naturally to me and can almost be enjoyable, although its always stressful for me which is why i isolate so much.

ANyway, I am trying to figure out how to take what I have learned and use it to help me get a girlfriend but as of right now I am not sure how to accomplish that seeing as how I still struggle tremendously with the getting to know the other person stage and basically have to forced to spend a great deal of time with that person in order to get past it. I am confident that I could have a semi decent relationship with a girl if only I could get past that stage but alas I have no idea how to do that. When would I ever be in a situation where I was forced to get to know several girls around my age in the hope that I meet one which i liked and which liked me back? Asking a girl out on a date, would not be enough time with her for me to get comfortable and as a result my social anxiety would ruin my ability to express myself to her so I dont think dating is a good idea for me.
Going to jail sucks, especially when you realize you're in there for a freaking plant. How long were you in there for? I remember the time I went in there, was there for almost 5 hours in only a t-shirt and jeans. Luckily, the people I was in there with were kind of cool, a couple guys in there for herb, as well. Others were in there for other things, but no one gave me any problems.
 

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It's not all THAT crazy. The toughest part about jail for me was urinating around others lol. I got over that pretty quickly while in jail, but it returned after i got out.
The types of people you meet depends on all sorts of things. Location of the jail, what area of the jail you're in etc.. Really i found the majority of the inmates to be regular joes in there for petty drug related crimes. Not really hardened criminals who feed off peoples weaknesses. I'm sure it's happened but i've never experienced it.
 

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lol at feelsadsometimes post... anyways... take weekly dance classes or something like that... theres girls there and, your forced to interact with them, and they likely dont have boyfriends if they go alone as i would think they would drag him along if they had a bf....
 

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I just did, I mean I was already worried my post was too long for people to read. Are you honeslty saying you want to read more or was that sarcasm? Either way, I am just frustrated right now because I am convinced that were in a situation where I was exposed to more girls, I would have a girlfriend now.

My problem doesn't lie in maintaining relationships I dont think, as the few girls I have actually gotten close to tell me I am good at it, loyal and responsive to their needs. My problem lies in meeting and getting to know girls. I really struggle with that and unless I can find some way around it, I will be single for the rest of my life.
Hey are you still feeling bad from benzo withdrawal? That sucks about going to jail but every experience is a leanring experience. Maybe try the online dating thing?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Yes I am still feeling bad from benzo withdrawal but I have improved so much compared to where I was at the start that I prefer to dwell on the positives. Unfortunately though, thre WD still gets me down sometimes.

Anywaty, dance classes you think? I dunno, thats a possibility I suppose.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
It's not all THAT crazy. The toughest part about jail for me was urinating around others lol. I got over that pretty quickly while in jail, but it returned after i got out.
The types of people you meet depends on all sorts of things. Location of the jail, what area of the jail you're in etc.. Really i found the majority of the inmates to be regular joes in there for petty drug related crimes. Not really hardened criminals who feed off peoples weaknesses. I'm sure it's happened but i've never experienced it.
A lot of the people I was in jail with were pretty serious drug addicts and used to manipulating others and scamming people in order to get what they want. They carried this same behavior of taking advantage of others to suit their own needs into jail with them.

Being in jail made me realize how lucky I am to have a couple of the drug addict friends I have. Despite our addictions, we never steal from each other or try to manipulate each other in giving our drugs away. I am so glad that I used drugs with honest, decent people instead of the type I met in jail who only cared about themselves.

Personally, I am naturally a generous person who enjoys giving. However drugs made me act selfish because I needed them so badly. As soon as you take the drugs away though, I go back to treating other people right. These people I met in jail were always trying to run some kind of scam regardless of whether there were drugs present.
 

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I just did, I mean I was already worried my post was too long for people to read. Are you honeslty saying you want to read more or was that sarcasm? Either way, I am just frustrated right now because I am convinced that were in a situation where I was exposed to more girls, I would have a girlfriend now.

My problem doesn't lie in maintaining relationships I dont think, as the few girls I have actually gotten close to tell me I am good at it, loyal and responsive to their needs. My problem lies in meeting and getting to know girls. I really struggle with that and unless I can find some way around it, I will be single for the rest of my life.
Yeah it is frustrating. Try to meet some at work, the bar, clubs, etc.
 

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I was in jail, not prison dude. All in all, I was locked up for 70 days but I wasn't with the same people that hole time so I actually had to adjust to completely new situations multiple times. I know that I can get people to like me once they get to know me, what I cant seem to do is get girls to get to know me well enough to wheere theyd want to date me.
Welcome back to the 'real world'. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. I see your from "Michigan" I heard the jails there are rough :afr I'm glad you could take something out of the experience though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Where did you hear that? The jail I was in wasn't rough at all, in fact it's known locally as the "Hogback Hilton" because it is rather luxurious compared to neighboring jails (or so I've heard, I haven't been to any other jails). But to give you an idea of what it was like, where I was staying (J-block, which is only for non violent offenders) we had two movie rooms and a fairly large selection of movies to watch whenever we wanted. We had cute U of M girls come in once a week to teach us creative writing. We had a poker game going virtually every night (great way to pass the time in jail) and there were several good chess players on my block so I'd try to play at least 2 or 3 chess games per day (another fantastic way to pass the time) and when I wasn't playing chess, watching movies, playing cards or hanging out chatting with my buddies, I was either reading or sleeping. In a strange sense, you have a lot of freedom in jail. I mean, you can sleep all day long if you want to, you don't have to worry about going to work, paying bills, catching the bus, getting your car fixed, going shopping etc. You don't have to do crap except stand up for count three times a day. My biggest complaint was the food. I come from an Italian family and eating well is EXTREMELY important to me. I need fresh, healthy food in order to feel well and the jail diet made me sick. That is the biggest reason I don't ever want to go back to jail. My other complaints would be the beds (very uncomfortable and absolute hell when you're going through opiate withdrawal), the temperature, i was freezing almost the whole time i was there. The noise, constant noise. Having to wear my uniform all the time when it only gets washed once per day, lack of privacy (On J-block we didn't even have cells, its just 60 bunk beds together on one side of the room) and that's about it. Sure it sucked but aside from the diet I really cant complain all that much.
 

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I have this fantasy where I build up the nerve to commit a white collar crime that lands me in jail for the rest of my life. It gives me a place to have solitude, write, paint, be fed, get exercise, etc. Seems awesome to me except then I remember they don't let you keep a laptop with Internet access in prison (or do they?) and no women either. Not that I have much to look forward to with women out here but at least sometimes in a blue moon I manage to get sex.
 

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Where did you hear that? The jail I was in wasn't rough at all, in fact it's known locally as the "Hogback Hilton" because it is rather luxurious compared to neighboring jails (or so I've heard, I haven't been to any other jails). But to give you an idea of what it was like, where I was staying (J-block, which is only for non violent offenders) we had two movie rooms and a fairly large selection of movies to watch whenever we wanted. We had cute U of M girls come in once a week to teach us creative writing. We had a poker game going virtually every night (great way to pass the time in jail) and there were several good chess players on my block so I'd try to play at least 2 or 3 chess games per day (another fantastic way to pass the time) and when I wasn't playing chess, watching movies, playing cards or hanging out chatting with my buddies, I was either reading or sleeping. In a strange sense, you have a lot of freedom in jail. I mean, you can sleep all day long if you want to, you don't have to worry about going to work, paying bills, catching the bus, getting your car fixed, going shopping etc. You don't have to do crap except stand up for count three times a day. My biggest complaint was the food. I come from an Italian family and eating well is EXTREMELY important to me. I need fresh, healthy food in order to feel well and the jail diet made me sick. That is the biggest reason I don't ever want to go back to jail. My other complaints would be the beds (very uncomfortable and absolute hell when you're going through opiate withdrawal), the temperature, i was freezing almost the whole time i was there. The noise, constant noise. Having to wear my uniform all the time when it only gets washed once per day, lack of privacy (On J-block we didn't even have cells, its just 60 bunk beds together on one side of the room) and that's about it. Sure it sucked but aside from the diet I really cant complain all that much.
Except for the part about no full privacy (60 bunks in 1 room), it sounds like heaven to me (but the lack of women/sex would get to me after a long time). Playing chess & poker constantly. Befriending people in the same situation. I don't want to downplay what you went through but it actually does sound like "freedom" to someone like me. How about Internet access? What's the deal with that in lock-up? Are there any scenarios where Internet/laptops are allowed in jail or prison?
 

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Except for the part about no full privacy (60 bunks in 1 room), it sounds like heaven to me (but the lack of women/sex would get to me after a long time). Playing chess & poker constantly. Befriending people in the same situation. I don't want to downplay what you went through but it actually does sound like "freedom" to someone like me. How about Internet access? What's the deal with that in lock-up? Are there any scenarios where Internet/laptops are allowed in jail or prison?
Some prisons have computer labs. An old buddy of mine (enemy now) posts on facebook from prison...unless someone else is using his account on the outside. I don't know if jails have them or not, im gussing no.
Prisons in places like Sweden have internet access in each cell, marble showers, swimming pools, expensive art hanging on the walls etc.. They have a really low re-offending rate there too. :stu
the part of the jail you were in is for the violent offenders dude.
No i doubt it (if fact he states it wasnt). Violent offenders aren't typically housed in dorms.
 
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