[hiimnotcool]

So today I went and drank like 8 whiskey and cokes and 6 beers. So I walked home and apparently I went ridiculous on my family. I was yelling at them and saying they didn't know me and had no idea the problems i dealt with. I told them I was going to kill myself. My mom, sister and niece were all crying. I punched two holes in the walls. My mom and her friends took me to the hospital and I was put in a hospital gown and sat in a room and was told to be quiet. They told me if I acted up they would strap me to the bed.


A social worker came and asked me what was wrong and I explained how I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder and she said it made complete sense. she also mentioned ways to get help. Now my mom is telling me to quit worrying about finding a job and to start focusin on getting help.


I kept tellin the social worker that if I wasn't drunk I would not be talkin to her. She said that it was very typical of social anxiety to be open when intoxicated because they're usually very closed off.


Such a wild night. I feel bad for putting the holes in the walls :blank

 

[Some Russian Guy]

the holes in the wall are repairable
I can't say the same about emotional damage done to your family

 

[kos]

looks like a bad situation that could have been much, much, worse worked its way into a not so bad one. Im kinda looking forward to my 19 birthday so i can drink legally and help cope with s.a. symptoms, but then again i don't want nights like the one you had. Maby you should stick to coolers next time.:drunk

 

[Gotanonymous]

I'm trying to imagine myself as you and reenact the situation, but I just can't.. I don't understand.. What set you off? Was the anger brewing on the walk home? Was it brewing as you were drinking?

 

[kev]

Sounds like a rough night. Sorry.

I think it's important to keep in mind that you were not yourself when punched the holes in the wall and yelled at your family. You were in an altered state of mind. 8 drinks and 6 beers is a hell of a lot of alcohol and could drive anyone to rage or deep depression. In small amounts, alcohol loosens you up. In large amounts, it can turn a quiet person into a "beast". My old roommate was generally depressed and quiet, but when he would drink (and he would always drink a lot), he would get intensely angry and make suicidal threats.

After the blood alcohol level gets above .2, there are no remaining positive effects from the alcohol. The euphoria is gone, and severe depression and confusion can set in. It seems very real when you are in that state of mind but you always have to keep in mind it is the alcohol talking, and not the real "you."

That's good that your mother is supportive of you getting help and not over-emphasizing getting a job. I hope you are able to get the help you need.

 

[redtogo72]

I think I have AvPD too. From Wikipedia, "Research suggests that approximately 10–50% of the people who have a panic disorder with agoraphobia have APD, as well as about 20–40% of the people who have a social phobia (social anxiety disorder)." So a good amount of us with SA probably have this personality disorder.

Well at least now you can get some help and your parents wont pressure you as much to find a job. I'd apologize tomorrow and also avoid drinking alcohol if you have a tendency to abuse it. Your family obviously cares about you and you need to let them know what you are going through in a healthy way. Can't talk to them about it? Write them a letter or email them if you have to.

 

[shyvr6]

You probably had a lot of built of frustration and too much alcohol allowed you to lose control of your emotions and you let all of that out. Your family knows now so I would say to turn it into a positive and try and get some help and also let your family know what you're going through.

 

[hiimnotcool]

Thank you all very much for the replies.

Today I feel like a complete jerk. I'm just trying to avoid my family because I feel really sick when I see them. I just don't want to be reminded of what I did because I feel terrible about it. My mother doesn't seem upset with me at all though and she talked to me for a little while. She was recounting the things I did but I asked her to stop-I think I just want to forget it ever happened and just use as a spring board to getting better.


I just wish this shame would go away.

 

[hiimnotcool]

I'm trying to imagine myself as you and reenact the situation, but I just can't.. I don't understand.. What set you off? Was the anger brewing on the walk home? Was it brewing as you were drinking?

I really don't know to tell you the truth. I'm trying to remember what was wrong but I just can't think of anything. I've had this happen before too. It just seems really random because I'm genuinely not thinking of anything in particular when it starts, I just drink and go into a rage. Last time it happened I was in the Army and that's when they forced me to go to a psychiatrist, which is when I was diagnosed with all this stuff.

My mom said I called her from the bar and yelled at her about using my money (she spent 2-3,000 dollars in 3 weeks when I was down in California). She told me I said that I would be walking home and talking to her about it.

I don't know why I said that because I truly do not care that she spent the money. I think I'm just full of excuses. I don't know what to do.

 

[jblazer]

Reading this thread makes me want to get hammered right now.. unfortunately I only have 2 wimpy light beers.

 

[gaz]

Unfortunately alcohol has the effect of bringing our true emotions and frustrations to the light. I think that we spend so much time keeping our emotions inside we are prone to having outbursts of rage. I don't drink alcohol much at all but i still get rages even sober as i am. Twice at work i've had instances of rage. The most recent i almost ripped a door off it's hinges after slamming it so hard thanks to a prick of a supervisor.

 

[SomethingTangible]

My first advice to you is to stop drinking. It sounds like there's something harbored deep within you which makes you feel anger and resentment towards your family. If you continue to drink, your mind with continue to put the barrier down on your inhibitions, including the aggressive side of you, and these out lashes will continue to happen.
Second, it's wise to seek out help, follow that plan, perhaps do some family counseling to get to the bottom of what's bothering your subconscious.

To sympathize, I personally know I have a slight resentment towards my family for not knowing the whole of who I am, why I'm so artistically inclined when most of them aren't, why I'm the black sheep. I also know that most of their misunderstanding of me comes from my lack of communication with them, from my social anxiety, so even though it can be hard for me to express my opinions and wishes with them, I need to or else the distance will increase and the misconceptions of my personality will grow.
I don't know if your situation is similar but perhaps see this as a positive experience, because it's allowing you to find help for your social anxiety and avoidance behavior. And I'm sure your family will be understanding of the fact that alcohol increases aggression in people and if you resolve to drink no longer, all the better.
I can tell you this, your problems aren't being solved by drinking them away anymore, they're starting to show up through it.

 

[Keirelle]

I kept tellin the social worker that if I wasn't drunk I would not be talkin to her. She said that it was very typical of social anxiety to be open when intoxicated because they're usually very closed off.

So very true. Ironically, this is why i NEVER drink unless I am with very close friends. I know how i 'get' and I don't dare let myself let go that much. I get so out of control emotional and usually end up really upset about something. Only my good friends know when I am about to go a bit 'dark' and they can keep me from it, so I can have fun.

You must have been in really rough shape if your family decided to take you to the hospital!

 

[flickaflicka]

Wow, that sucks dude. I drank a bottle of Saki a couple of weeks ago to think about life. It did not go well. Fortunately I was alone.

I know you're feeling really ashamed of what happened right now, and expressing yourself verbally is next to impossible, especially when it's really emotionally charged like this.

I would consider writing a letter to your family, or to each of the family members who were there when you flipped out just to let them know a little bit about why it happened, what you're dealing with and how you feel sorry about it. You can either give it to them in writing or read it if you want.

Use the momentum of this bad experience get some help. You can make things better for yourself.

Sometimes these low points, where all the misery that floats around you day to day gets sucked down and concentrated in you (due to alcohol or bad events) can be an opportunity to wake up, and realize that you need to, and can live differently.

 

[MrFrenz]

That sucks, man. But think of it this way: your family now knows that you do have a problem.

I've had this happen a couple times, and the social worker is right I think. When someone closes himself off from the world to such an extent that things are just bubbling below the surface, losing your inhibitions isn't the same as someone who would just be open. It's almost dangerous because you'll erupt (like you learned.)

You can feel bad about it, but you should also talk to your mom about what you're thinking/feeling. She sounds sympathetic and it might do you well to have your family's support.

Still, while the obvious advice would be "stop drinking", that's really just keeping your problem in check with sobriety instead of fixing or helping anything. It's just masking it. We all do it, and while it's more socially acceptable to hide your problems, we've all seen that it can just fester.