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wondering
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Wow, this is a lot more nerve wracking than I thought it would be ! This is the hardest part, right, getting started? Long time lurker, first time poster to any kind of message board. So many decisions, should I go with one of those picture thingy's? (oh - they're called avatars), should I try to be clever with that profile stuff ?(one of my favorites "location - cardboard box" :D ) So much pressure & almost ditched.
Well, here goes, looking back I know I've been this way all my life. Can't point to any abusive situations or tragedies, so I feel I have no good reason for this crazy way my brain works & always thought I should be able work it out, or get over it or just hide it really well. I know I've made progress over the years from about the age of 17 & started to realize that I needed to face up to the fact that my own actions were causing alot of my problems, but it's been 30 years since, and it is still just so much work!! When do I just become "me" ? Back in the '80's & 90's, when info came out on depression, I thought -okay, that must be what I have - but I still remember when I finally read something on social anxiety and I just cried and cried. That's it ! That's me! Those are my feelings! It was such a relief....but yet..more work. And still hiding.
I've seen great stuff on this forum, and I know it will help me to get some of those thoughts out of my head finally and into existence. But it's so hard for me to put words to my feelings, so when I see your words on here that match my feeling, maybe I can borrow them when I finally get around to seeing a therapist....soon....really.
I really want to have more from my life. I've been married 26 years and have two great kids. I still have too much sadness, resentment, and anxiety. I'm constantly questioning myself from moment I wake up to when I go to bed. I'm exhausted. I smile alot (yes, I am also a "people pleaser" ) but I rarely laugh. I feel I don't trust anyone really and I can't continue like this. So here I am.
Thanks for Listening.
 

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Hey fridays child :wel
 

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:wel
 

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Welcome, Friday'sChild! :)
 
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