[Anon7]

I appreciate this thread. I really do understand the point made by the poster.

But the flip side is many of us with SA, do help others, we do give .. perhaps a bit too generously too. Yet because of our wall flower nature, it doesn't provide quite the self accomplishment that it should.

This makes it sound like you're looking for appreciation, and the deed itself has no importance to you. That's goes along with the point of this thread, I'd say.

 

[ReincarnatedRose]

Not sure if I would say we're self-centered exactly, but we ALL (as people) seem to need an awful lot of VALIDATION from other people.

 

[Anon7]

I think it is more like the complete opposite. It doesn't have anything to do with attention for me at least. I care so much about what people think and if I am doing anything to hurt them that it makes things harder for me. I don't ask people if they want to hang out because I am worried that they would only say yes out of obligation. I worry that I wouldn't be a fun enough person to hang out with and think that they should hang out with better people.

Shouldn't you be happy then, that nobody hangs out with you? Since they are hanging out with people far more entertaining than yourself?

I don't understand. If you're so selfless, why bother with the people who already have friends to hang out with? Why not just help out at a soup kitchen and get even more fulfillment?

I don't want you to waste too long trying to answer those questions. My point is, be honest with yourself. You don't want to thanklessly enhance anyone's life you see as better than your own. You want that thanks, and that's the only reason you'd even consider the deed.

I'm not saying you wouldn't donate to charity or help people in need, because that is totally different than not-asking someone to hang out because you don't want to burden them. It's not that you don't want to burden them, it's that you don't want to feel like a burden... You want the opposite, and for your own sake.

 

[MojoCrunch]

The thing that i noticed on this forum is, when some person post a venting thread to discuss its problem, some people will just get there and say like: I'm sorry for you, you are overreacting..... and then start talking about own problem, or similar situation. While some people will immediately start talking about their problems.

I'm guilty of doing this. But I don't mind when other people do that because I like hearing what other people have to say, especially if they have a similar experience. Makes me feel a lot better. Like I'm not the only one.

Maybe we demand too much attention from other people, and when we don't get it we tend too get depressed and stuff.

I feel like I'm like this sometimes. I guess we are too self-centered. But I think part of overcoming SA is learning to let go of this and that's the part that's hard. Paying attention to bettering yourself more, while not being too self-centered. Something like that...