We are too self-centered

6802 Views 23 Replies 21 Participants Last post by MojoCrunch, Jun 4, 2011

spanky

Discussion Starter · Apr 23, 2009

And we know it

. It's a catch 22 i guess. We all say that we don't want people to stare at us and stuff, but it feels so nice when someone shows us some attantion. Maybe we should share some too.

Maybe we demand too much attention from other people, and when we don't get it we tend too get depressed and stuff. I know that was the case with me for the most part of my life. I wouldn't show up or hang out with my friends (when i had friends), unless i was invited.

The thing that i noticed on this forum is, when some person post a venting thread to discuss its problem, some people will just get there and say like: I'm sorry for you, you are overreacting..... and then start talking about own problem, or similar situation. While some people will immediately start talking about their problems.

Maybe we should start thinking how to help or make happy people that are close to us, instead of worrying about little things, and think only about our problems. And maybe we will forget about bad things and SA in the process. I know that helps me.

And living in the PRESENT, while not overanalysing the past, or fearing of future helps a LOT. I think this and not thinking only about our problems is the way to beat SA. If we think only about our problems, we are the same as those egocentric bullying people that we despise so much.

Do you see where i'm aiming at (first two parahraphs are just a brief intro

)?? I don't want to offend some people, cause i'm not an english speaking person and i hardly choose words even in my native language. and as a guy with SA i know how easy is for us to get offended or feel attacked. I just want to share my thoughts how to beat SA and get better

.

Jeez i guess i made a long post, but i think it's a worth read anyway, hehe.

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

KumagoroBeam

· #2 · Apr 23, 2009

It's a good read^_^ I agree with you. I know that I'm a self-centered person and often expect too much attention from people. That's definitely one of my problems.
You say that people on here always start talking about their own frustrations when someone posts a thread about his/her problems... Well, most of the time I feel like that's the only thing I can do. I just have nothing helpful to say.

spanky said:
Maybe we should start thinking how to help or make happy people that are close to us

Yes, I really would like to know how to do that.

Adelleda

· #3 · Apr 23, 2009

Your english is great, you seriously could have fooled me if you said it was your native language =).

I think every person is a little self-centered, I don't think anyone on this planet has never cared about themselves, even for a minute, it's human nature. I definitely agree that sometimes the best way to deal with a problem your facing is to stop thinking about it and stop overanalysing it. I think it is also a great feeling to help another person in need of cheering up. Even taking the time to just listen and lend an ear to someone leaves you satisfied and it helps the other person as well because sometimes it just helps to share or to talk to someone about the problems you have come across.

I agree that if we were a little less self-centered we could stop focusing on all the little details that are bothering us and would help us to see the bigger picture, that we're aren't alone, that other people are going/have gone through the same thing. I admit that I am also self-centered in that I sometimes crave approval and confirmation even to unnecessary levels.

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Panic Prone

· #4 · Apr 23, 2009

We are... your right. If we can take the focus off ourselves and be more understanding of eachother it helps. I've always tried to get involved in situations where I can help others because otherwise my mind will consume me. On the other hand sometimes things get really bed and they consume you and you have to fight to take the focus off yourself.

jaayhou

· #5 · Apr 23, 2009

Yep, I'll actually admit to being self-centered. My actions don't always reflect it, but I do generally accept a lot from people without feeling especially thankful or feeling the desire to give much in return. I'm not proud of it. It's just the way I am.

On the other hand, I don't really expect much either. I've learned to rely on myself when and cope with what I have when I have to, but I'll accept any assistance if offered. I'm in a profession which most people would consider to be a people-helping one, but it's far from volunteering. I like the idea of volunteering, but, and here's the self-centeredness, I don't want to give up my free time. If I can work for a while and retire early, I'll likely go into volunteering since I won't have to dedicate so much time to working for a wage.

Thresher V

· #6 · Apr 23, 2009

I always believed we as a species were social creatures, even us "rejects" (using the term loosely, don't be angry). It's in our nature, I think, to share a person story or feeling to try and comfort each other. We are very empathic to someone we feel is suffering, and maybe by sharing our problem, they might be distracted from the severity of theirs.

wxolue

· #7 · Apr 23, 2009

I dont agree that its being self centered. we have subconscious doubts about ourselves. thats what SA is. it creates pressure. usually someone can support themselves with positive self talk, but since we dont have that, we look to other people to prove that we are smart, fit, cool, etc. If we aim at helping other people, it wont cure anything. we will still put ourselves down (whether we think we are or not). only insted of looking to other people to pull ourselves out of our misery, we will just wallow in it.

Dying note

· #8 · Apr 23, 2009

wxolue said:
I dont agree that its being self centered. we have subconscious doubts about ourselves. thats what SA is. it creates pressure. usually someone can support themselves with positive self talk, but since we dont have that, we look to other people to prove that we are smart, fit, cool, etc. If we aim at helping other people, it wont cure anything. we will still put ourselves down (whether we think we are or not). only insted of looking to other people to pull ourselves out of our misery, we will just wallow in it.

I have to agree with you. I doubt it would fix anything with me, because I don't think I do anything right. When I think of helping others, it's as if I assume I'd only mess things up for them.

VIncymon

· #9 · Apr 24, 2009

Dying note said:
I have to agree with you. I doubt it would fix anything with me, because I don't think I do anything right. When I think of helping others, it's as if I assume I'd only mess things up for them.

I appreciate this thread. I really do understand the point made by the poster.

But the flip side is many of us with SA, do help others, we do give .. perhaps a bit too generously too. Yet because of our wall flower nature, it doesn't provide quite the self accomplishment that it should.

acceptance

· #10 · Apr 24, 2009

I agree with the point the OP is making, I've also noticed this. But, I've also noticed this from the vast majority of the general public. You'll see someone and start chatting, and before you know it, they're relating the topic of conversation to themselves. "that's too bad you're not feeling well, last week I was sicker than a dog....". Happens all the time.

Just Lurking

· #11 · Apr 24, 2009

Well I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much the opposite of "self-centered". The problem I have is I think too much about other people and their needs instead of my own.

KumagoroBeam said:
You say that people on here always start talking about their own frustrations when someone posts a thread about his/her problems... Well, most of the time I feel like that's the only thing I can do. I just have nothing helpful to say.

There's something to be said about relating to other people's problems. Someone posts about a bad experience, another poster replies with a similar experience. I don't really see anything wrong about that. Hearing someone say "Yeah I've been in that situation too, this is what happened" can help if only to show them they're not alone in their struggles.

climbingupthewall

· #12 · Apr 24, 2009

I agree with 'Just Lurking'. A lot of people are self-centered and they might or might not have any mental illness. I think it's a common misconception and over-simplification that shy or introverted people are self-centered. There is so much more to it. Deep down inside many of us are broken and personally I've gone through some traumatic experiences. Abuse early on in life often has devastating and detrimental effects. It makes it hard to trust people, so we try to keep ourselves safe from any further pain by withdrawing. There are other factors too. It's important to look at the complexity of the problem.

downbutnotout

· #13 · Apr 24, 2009

spanky said:
And we know it . It's a catch 22 i guess. We all say that we don't want people to stare at us and stuff, but it feels so nice when someone shows us some attantion. Maybe we should share some too.

Maybe we demand too much attention from other people, and when we don't get it we tend too get depressed and stuff. I know that was the case with me for the most part of my life. I wouldn't show up or hang out with my friends (when i had friends), unless i was invited.

The thing that i noticed on this forum is, when some person post a venting thread to discuss its problem, some people will just get there and say like: I'm sorry for you, you are overreacting..... and then start talking about own problem, or similar situation. While some people will immediately start talking about their problems.

Maybe we should start thinking how to help or make happy people that are close to us, instead of worrying about little things, and think only about our problems. And maybe we will forget about bad things and SA in the process. I know that helps me.

And living in the PRESENT, while not overanalysing the past, or fearing of future helps a LOT. I think this and not thinking only about our problems is the way to beat SA. If we think only about our problems, we are the same as those egocentric bullying people that we despise so much.

Do you see where i'm aiming at (first two parahraphs are just a brief intro )?? I don't want to offend some people, cause i'm not an english speaking person and i hardly choose words even in my native language. and as a guy with SA i know how easy is for us to get offended or feel attacked. I just want to share my thoughts how to beat SA and get better .

Jeez i guess i made a long post, but i think it's a worth read anyway, hehe.

I do this. I cannot help it, because i have gone through a lot of bad experiences. I can relate to alot of problems. If anyone wants to talk about their problems, i will listen to them. And some people will listen to me.

It might look as if i can be self-centred, but i genuinely care alot about others. Its hard to know what to say in a reply, so i like to show the original posters that they are not alone, and that i know how they feel.

spanky

Discussion Starter · #14 · Apr 24, 2009

Adelleda said:
Your english is great, you seriously could have fooled me if you said it was your native language =).

Thank you very much

.

Well you all people are right. Ofcourse everyone has to think about themselves, it's in our nature. But it can help tremendously when you think about other people in a little more positive way. Not just in "offensive" way. I was bullied and ignored a lot my whole life, and so are the most of members here too i guess, so it's natural that we think that way.

And ofcourse it's perfectly okay to vent, i mean this is what this board is for

. I wasn't judgemental or anything, i like to vent too. I think that it's important to find some balance and measure, in all things.

I was a bit down yesterday, so i posted some of my conclusions to cheer up myself i guess, instead of venting. And it helped, i kinda forced myself to think positive and it felt so good.

Only if i could bring that thoughts into actions. I haven't got out of my house for about a week now. You know, my SA is really, really bad, no matter how positive i try to be in my posts. And today i will avoid second birthday invite this month. And i really respect that person, but there will be a lot people that i don't like there. I didn't say definite NO as i thought that i could get myself to go, but i just don't have enough energy. I would feel sleepy after 30 minutes already, if i go to the party. I feel so sad and selfish, but that is better for sure, than suffering strong and exausting panic attacks at the party. I am just painfully shy (like all of you, again

), and some people that will go there called me evil, and demented. in a number ocasions, despite the fact that i'm usually helpful, and never gave them a reason to call me evil. But the person that has a party is such a great guy, and he is the reason i feel so bad. I will just have to find a way to redempt myself to him. I am so exausted with the state i am now, that my depression is well seen on my face. I look pale and sick all the time, with big black bags under my eyes...

I'm sorry for the last paragraph, but i couldn't help myself but vent a bit, and i could whine forever i guess.

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aloss4words

· #15 · Apr 24, 2009

I think it is more like the complete opposite. It doesn't have anything to do with attention for me at least. I care so much about what people think and if I am doing anything to hurt them that it makes things harder for me. I don't ask people if they want to hang out because I am worried that they would only say yes out of obligation. I worry that I wouldn't be a fun enough person to hang out with and think that they should hang out with better people.

DeeperUnderstanding

· #16 · Apr 24, 2009

I know what you mean, all my problems come from self centeredness. If I was able to take a step back and just focus on other people instead of myself, I wouldn't have social anxiety. I'm my own worst enemy.

bluebluesplayer

· #17 · Apr 24, 2009

Awesome post! I had a revelation similar to this. To the few people I have met in the recent past, I might have come off as selfish and attention seeking. My SA made me pay attention to everything they did and I misinterpreted certain actions they made. I interpreted their actions or words negatively. I became depressed when they didn't pay attention to me. I'm 24 now and my way of thinking is really immature. I don't blame those people for not calling me again.

It's time for change! Time for me to live life in the present and to grow up.

Thanks for the post.

Dying note

· #18 · Apr 24, 2009

climbingupthewall said:
I agree with 'Just Lurking'. A lot of people are self-centered and they might or might not have any mental illness. I think it's a common misconception and over-simplification that shy or introverted people are self-centered. There is so much more to it. Deep down inside many of us are broken and personally I've gone through some traumatic experiences. Abuse early on in life often has devastating and detrimental effects. It makes it hard to trust people, so we try to keep ourselves safe from any further pain by withdrawing. There are other factors too. It's important to look at the complexity of the problem.

I completely agree. It is different for everyone and for their own reasons. I can't count how many times I've been hurt from people coming to me with the issue of my quiet nature and them having a problem with it. Even on a good day, where my anxiety is not that bad, I still keep to myself. I help when I can but usually just don't go too far out of my way unless honestly necessary.

Delicate

· #19 · Apr 24, 2009

spanky said:
I'm sorry for the last paragraph, but i couldn't help myself but vent a bit, and i could whine forever i guess.

Is it not also bad when you feel you have to appologise for talking about yourself?
It's the same contradictory thing that always comes up.

Mr K

· #20 · Jun 3, 2011

Sorry to revive an old thread, but I was just thinking about this, I do feel I am too self centered which makes SA worse, but it's because I don't feel I'm needed much by anyone.

I think if I was actually needed by someone, I would give my energies to help..but don't think I have much to offer tbh :/

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

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