[SloopjohnB]

I read this quote in a textbook last semester and it really struck a chord with me. I think that people with SA tend to externalize their internal beliefs, thinking that everybody else thinks that you are whatever you think about yourself.

I found some truth in this quote, a friend of mine was saying that she never thought I would have SA from the way she saw me. She said I seemed relaxed, nice and smart, a guy with no worries at all.

Another friend said a similar thing, we went to HS and I got back in touch with her after 6 years. I went through a lot of changes (weight loss and the average adult transitions) and seem more confident than ever before. It was very flattering and comforting, I am starting to see myself more in this context, that maybe I am not as messed up but in need of more feedback like that.

 

[britisharrow]

Good, positive feedback is excellent. And compliments are always more true than detriments. It takes effort for people to think up nasty things, and those nasty statements tend to be blown out of proportion. Like when someone does a silly impression of you, you don't really act like that, they're taking your expressions and exagerating them.

Compliments on the other hand are true because people won't put in the effort to find something good about you if it's not there.

Why don't you, and this is just my humble advice, write down all the nice and positive statements people say about you, write them down in a personal notebook on your computer.

For example someone once said I had nice eyes, so I write that down. Next time someone makes a negative statement about how I look, I can look at that compliment I had about my eyes, and say okay well there are people out there who DON'T have a negative opinion on how I look.

I believe the ultimate cure for social anxiety is not to GIVE A DAMN about what other people think. I think to get to that stage takes time and effort, but if you can get to the stage where you feel self-worth, then it doesn't matter what people think.

You might not like that someone said they didn't like your tie, but you'll be able to say, well I like this tie and that's all that matters. People with severe social anxiety would probably never wear that tie again, because they are extremely sensitive to criticism.

There are various methods at building up that inner belief that says I don't give a damn what other people think because I like who I am, that's all you want really isn't it? To like who you are. Well with time and effort, and finding a therapy that works for you, it's possible.

There are people with severe facial disfigurements walking down the street with their mates with a smile on their face, how are they able to do it and we're not? Now I don't mean to take pleasure from their illness, but what it points out is that if you have good feelings about yourself you don't CARE.

Are you in any therapy, if not try self-help therapy I could maybe recommend some books to you or maybe you're further down the road than me, either way work on yourself.

You can't change the world, there will always be nasty people walking around whose only objective in life is to bring people down. How you respond to them is your choice, at the moment you're giving THEM the choice over how you feel.