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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi everyone,

I just wanted to post some thoughts about what I'm doing to help myself with my discomfort with people. Hopefully someone can relate to it or give me suggestions about what they have tried or are doing.

I've read a lot about affirmations in a lot of self-help books. I really have hesitated practicing this idea though because I don't like the idea of forcing some thoughts into my head till I believe them. Also I wasn't sure about when you stop thinking about them whether they will really stay there and become a part of you or will you have to keep doing it for years and years to come. I guess I've had a bad experience with affirmations a long time ago when I was younger. I tried to use affirmations and I think I just was just too young and just tried things without them really working because I was just experimenting and just wanted to improve everything about myself at that time without having a particular focus. So I hesitated before trying to use affirmations again because of my past experiences.

I guess I've just about had it with my troubles though. I have been working hard to improve my attitude about myself and reduce self-criticism, but I still fear other people. An affirmation I want to try are:

Noone wants to hurt you.

I'm so cautious about using affirmations that I just want to try 1 affirmation for now and see if it makes a difference. For whatever reason, no matter how long I've been trying to overcome my anxiety, I can't shake this fear that people want to hurt me or are thinking badly of me. I have tried and tried to shake this belief but it is really frozen and stuck within me somehow. I have tried convincing myself that people are good-hearted but I just don't seem to believe it on a deep level. I know people are nice on some level, but whenever I deal with people, I feel like I'm responding to them as if I saw a ghost or monster. I am so tense and uncomfortable. It makes talking to others really hard because it's hard for me to really pay attention to what others are saying deeply since I'm always afraid they want to do something bad to me at the next instant. I just can't relax around people, and it's so frustrating when I see others interacting with others with ease. I've been very patient with trying to let my anxiety heal when it's ready, but I just can't take it anymore. I will try this affirmation for a week and see if I notice any improvements.

Thanks for listening, and please let me know what you think.
 

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Well hey I just wanted to say I have practiced affirmations for about a year now... and, welllll...

I think it CAN help. But I think that there are many different levels of affirmations, and some things are alittle trickier to address than with telling yourself Noone wants to hurt you over and over... Because..

See, affirmations only work well when you truly believe them, and in order for that to happen, there has to be some piece of you that will give it a chance, so for example if in your mind you've totally closed the door on people loving you/want to help you/not wanting to hurt you then you need to find a way to open that door first before the affirmation can really do it's work. But that being said if you religiously practice this affirmation, think about it's consequences and meditate on it, then perhaps the affirmation can be that one thing that opens the door.

So lastly, let me also say that "Noone wants to hurt you." May actually be a poor choice of affirmation.... Now why would I say that? Well because it implys everyone right now really does want to hurt you. So basicly you are RE-Affirming the world view you want to get rid of by saying it's existing right now. Sorry if that's hard to follow.

So let me just suggest you go with what you have now, "Noone wants to hurt you." And try and think about what are some more positive things to say to yourself. I don't know what would work with you on account of deep down you said you believe it.

But that is why I am suggesting you go back to what is so painful, how people hurt you, and try and find a way to deal with that so you can feel relaxed and at ease around people.

Also remember that it isn't that people are actually scary, monsterous, or trying to hurt you in any way. It's that You are believing that they are for reasons in your past which probly don't apply to 99.9% of situations you are in, because truly.. most people do not want to hurt you. Anxiety is a unrealistic phobia, and if you give into it it transforms life into something very unrealistic... much scarier than it can actually be.



If you need more help with affirmations I highly recommend "What to say when you talk to yourself." by Shad Helmstetter.

Good luck man, people really don't want to hurt you, if most people could stop thinking of their own problems long enough to look at yours I bet they could and would try to help you.

Best of luck,

-Colin
 

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Thats a good one seagreen. One of my main fears or though patterns is that people are just out to get me, humiliate me or make me look stupid. It's very hard to get over and it makes me defensive, stand-offish and sometimes quite rude and abrupt. I will try and focus on this affirmation from now on, hopefully it helps, thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Maike said:
Thats a good one seagreen. One of my main fears or though patterns is that people are just out to get me, humiliate me or make me look stupid. It's very hard to get over and it makes me defensive, stand-offish and sometimes quite rude and abrupt. I will try and focus on this affirmation from now on, hopefully it helps, thanks!
Thanks, Maike. I really felt silly or embarrassed after I posted it and didn't get any replies. I thought everyone must have been beyond that one or think that, "of course, people don't want to hurt you" why are you preoccupied with something something so outrageous like that.

So I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels such this way when interacting with people. When I'm interacting with others, I am also defensive and scared. I think they want to reject me or hurt me somehow.
 

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Hi seagreen, I just wanted to add that I think this is a great affirmation.
I've never seriously tried to use affirmations although I'm aware that this is a recommended method for fighting SA. What kept me away was that it all seemed very silly to me, like you said, forcing thoughts in which I do not believe into my head. If working affirmations involve "opening the door" in my mind as saint leibowitz wrote above, then I have no idea how am I going to open that door. I am a lazy person. Magical things never happen to me.

But this affirmation is truly inspiring. It rings true because it's a thing to which I have ample evidence around me. For years now I have been in more or less friendly environments, both at school and at work, and still that fear of being hurt by others has never left me. But if I say that to myself it makes me look back and understand that it hasn't been true for many many years. And that makes me feel good with myself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
orwen2000 said:
Hi seagreen, I just wanted to add that I think this is a great affirmation.
I've never seriously tried to use affirmations although I'm aware that this is a recommended method for fighting SA. What kept me away was that it all seemed very silly to me, like you said, forcing thoughts in which I do not believe into my head. If working affirmations involve "opening the door" in my mind as saint leibowitz wrote above, then I have no idea how am I going to open that door. I am a lazy person. Magical things never happen to me.

But this affirmation is truly inspiring. It rings true because it's a thing to which I have ample evidence around me. For years now I have been in more or less friendly environments, both at school and at work, and still that fear of being hurt by others has never left me. But if I say that to myself it makes me look back and understand that it hasn't been true for many many years. And that makes me feel good with myself.
orwen2000,
thanks, and hope it works out for you. good luck :).
 
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