long story short, i cut contact with these two friends i had because my anxiety was so bad, it was doing my more harm than good every time i met up with them. they're good people, one can be a bit *****y but overall they were fine as friends. so i told them i was doing this, wouldn't be seeing them so much and that i just needed time. weeks turned into months and its been so long its almost awkward to talk to them now. anyway the problem is one of them turned 21 this week and the other and one of her friends is going down to see her (she lives away at university) on friday so they can all go out and celebrate and whatever. and im just hating it. its my fault im not going or invited, i made that decision obviously shes not gonna ask me i haven't spoke to her in months. im paranoid and always think theyre trying to rub it in when they do stuff together now even though they dont really have a reason to. and im missing out cos the anxiety made me make that step to stop seeing them in the first place and its just yet another missed opportunity that ive messed up. im literally worrying about the weekend cos i know how its gonna make me feel while they're tweeting and facebooking all their excitement. i wish i didnt care about it but i dont know how to stop. it doesn't help that im away somewhere else at uni and permanently feeling lonely. i just want to block it out and pretend it isnt happening and sleep through the whole weekend so i dont have to face it. seems like im making such a big deal but meh this is my life.