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Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a few weeks after seeing a message over on YouTube referring to this site. Been reading the messages of other people's experience and decided to register today.

I have a burning question that I haven't seen really addressed in what I've read so far. Do you think that your upbringing has a lot to do with your social anxiety?

To answer my own question, I would say definate Yes. I think not only does it have to do with how you were received by others in situations outside your immediate family, but also how you were treated (or perception thereof) by your own family.

I am the younger of two boys in our family. My dad an engineer, and my mom a nurse. My dad was a Type A all the way and I think that rubbed off on me as I was trying to please him and live up to his expectations. During my growing up, competition with my brother was fierce. I always wanted to out do him even though he was a year ahead of me in school and was really more talented than I. I played guitar, but he always played better. I was good at math, but he was always better. In every way, I could never ever best him. But like my dad, I looked up to him and admired him and wanted his approval. Unfortunately, he took advantage of that and really took me for all I was worth (maybe I'll cover that subject some other time).

As for my Dad, I was very close to him. Not a day went by when I didn't wave to him from the kitchen window as he went off to work. I would even wake up early if he had to go on a business trip just so I could wave goodbye and go back to sleep. I loved him and really wanted to please him and make him proud of me. But my dad, tourtured me emotionally. It's such a long story, I don't want to bore you. Suffice it to say, my dad would say one thing to my face, and when I wasn't listening he'd say something else. He forced me to do things in front of the people that I hated to do. He would make me do special music at church (singing and guitar playing). At some point I heard myself on a tape recorder and I hated how my voice sounded. I was extremely self conscious about that, but he would force me to make tapes to send to my grandparents. The more I cryed and said I didn't want to, the more he would laugh and the more determined he was to get my voice recorded. Then I'd hear things from the "grown ups" like - doesn't his voice sound nasally? Maybe he needs his adnoids out. Also, my parents sent me to a "foot doctor" because my feet didn't point straight and I had to do stupid exercises that did nothing. After who knows how many excercise sessions and doctor visits, I remember laying on my grandparents living room floor and hearing my grandmother tell my dad how crooked my legs were. GREAT!! I mean come on... That's a terrible way to build a child's self esteem. But I loved my dad and still do, despite it all.

Is it any wonder I'm typing here today?? Where's my brother???? Is he one of this board's users? I doubt it.

I'm 46 and my dad has since mellowed out. I no longer speak to my brother. I wouldn't say that he's dead to me, it's more like I try to think that he never existed. I told my mom just the other day, that I hate when they mention him and that I'd like to consider myself an only child. I have 2 kids, and I told myself I would never treat them the same way OR let even more importantly let the oldest treat the youngest the way I was treated. For that reason, I may have been a bit hard on the oldest and in some ways taking out on him what I want to take out on my own brother, but I tried my best not to do that. On occasion, when I spoke of my brother, I would occasionally accidentally substitute my oldest's name for his. I hate myself for that, but it comes out without thinking.

I've only recently started to share my SA and panic issues with my family. Until now I suffered in silence and just made excuse after excuse. I just recently went to a psychiatrist for the first time but was prescribed SSRIs that I just can't take. My research lead me to see some YouTube videos which lead me to this site. I'm trying to find a way to salvage my life. I have missed so much. The SA has restricted me. Dropped out of college just a few units from getting my degree. Kept me from going on vacations and events for my kids. I don't want to miss any more.
 

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Hey WorriedSick :wels
 

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I wouldn't really blame my upbringing, though in some respects it may have reinforced tendencies I already had toward certain characteristics and weaknesses. Sounds like in your case though, upbringing may have played a larger role. I also realize as an adult looking back that sometimes we perceive things differently as children, and each child in a family can be affected very differently by the same thing based on their own perceptions. I'm glad that you recognize that you may have been harder on your oldest due to your own experiences. Have you told him that? It might be important for him to know. Welcome.
 

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Hi WorriedSick :wel

I think in my case upbringing was a large factor.

I was made to duck walk as a youth due to supposed posture concerns from my stepfather.
He seemed to get great satisfaction from publicly humiliating me though. I think he was a little man inside who it made feel big.
I want to totally forgive & move forward but loop thoughts return about events with him & others & I every so often want to go kick there a**.

My grandfather often called me his sons name & it made me feel like he didn't see or know me. None of my family ever called me my name even though they knew I didn't like the various things they did call me & *introduce* me as. I found this disrespectful & hurtful.

I'm 40 & hope the same as you that we can find a way to deal with or solve this & have better lives. Best to you
 

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Hi, WorriedSick. Welcome!
 

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:wel
 

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Welcome, WorriedSick! :)
 
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